Is pumpkin around? Or anyone, I need advice re: family

SouthernBellelovesaYankee

I think Pumpkin once posted that she had the same problem. I could use some advice, I've kind of brushed this off but, since little man will finally arrive tomorrow, I can't get this off of my mind.

My meme (mom's mom) and I a very close, I am closer to her than my own mother.

The problem? She is a chain smoker. I have timed her, she literally lights up every 4-5 minutes. She smokes in her car and in her home.

With that said, we will not be taking LO to her house, I can't even sit over there with getting a headache or a nosebleed. Throughout my pregnancy, I have been over there less than 5 times because she continues to smoke.

She says she is addicted, it's a sickness, and she can't help it. That's fine, I am not going to argue that but, it's ruining our family. I have been in the hospital for 2 weeks and she hasn't come to visit me because, and I quote, she can't go that long w/o a cigarette.

I was on the phone with her today, talking about my induction, and she made a comment that she can't wait to get baby sugar off of Dillon.

Quite frankly, I don't want her breathing on my child. Even if she's not smoking at the time, you can smell her, it literally seeps through her skin.

I do not have a problem asking her to wash her hands before holding LO. I do know that she will show her ass and pitch a fit and/or cry when I tell her why we won't be coming to HER house.

She's going to make things VERY awkward for me, if you say something to her about her smoking, she cries. Like I said, I love her to death but, I love my child more, I just know I am going to have this hugeass battle on my hands.

I don't want Dillon gnawing on her shoulder that is infested with cigarette gunk. I would like for her to atleast change into a clean top. I don't want Dillon needing a nicotine patch before pre-school.

I'm not exagerating or making too big of a deal of this. She will not go out to eat in a restaurant because they are all non-smoking. And like I said, she hasn't come to visit me in the hospital because she says she can't go that long w/o smoking.

How am I supposed to deal with this? This is the 1st great-grandbaby.

Piad1

That's tough.  Would it help if you made her wash her hands and also wear a receiving blanket?  We had a policy whereby everyone who came to the hospital or our house had to wash their hands with soap and water (not just hand sanitizer) and put on a receiving blanket.  If you make everyone do it, it's not such a big deal.  Beyond that, you could also print out some stuff on second hand smoke for her to read and let her know that it's not personal, but that the smoke really can be harmful to the baby.    

Amarie13

Sorry, that's tough! I guess your best bet is just to be completely honest, and tell her how you feel and why you feel that way. I know it may not change much but you have to do what you feel is best for your little man!! Who knows... maybe it will be enough to help her at least slow down a little!! That's A LOT of cigs! GL with this and with tomorrow Can't wait to see little Dillon!

evenstar622

Uggg.....that's terrible!!! I'm sorry you have to deal with that.  Personally, I would tell her th choose between her cigarettes and your baby.  I know that is really harsh, but it is your baby's health at risk!!!  Babies are sooo little and fragile, I can't imagine all that nicotine seeping into the baby,..,,...eewwwwww!  If she wants to hold your LO, she needs to make the provisions that you ask (change into a different shirt, wash hands, maybe even brush her teeth?).

I know you love her and want her to be around your LO....but she has a serious problem.  She needs to make a tough choice here.  Good luck,and I'm sorry I can't be more help....

SouthernBellelovesaYankee

Thanks y'all.

I am adamant about people washing their hands, smokers or not. I just know how she is, she's going to have her feelings hurt and show her ass. We've explained the dangers of 2nd hand and 3rd hand smoke and she still doesn't care.

She is so obsessed with her smoking, she puts it before her family. She did the same thing when my aunt and uncle had their baby, showed her ass when they put their foot down.

abizzzle

I don't have any suggestions for you but I just wanted to wish you GL! I had a lot of blood pressure issues and I was in the same situation as you. Too sick to go home, but not sick enough for the docs to want to get the baby out asap.

Being on bedrest, especially in the hospital attatched to cords, before going into labor was probably the most frustrating and emotionally draining experience. Good luck to you and stay strong! You will have a beautiful little baby soon that will make it alll worth it!

SWMcFarland

Like you said, it is about Dillon now.  Regardless of how much you love her and she loves you, it is simply a matter of health.  Nothing else.  And you are his sole provider of health.  I know it is going to be tough to deal with her reaction to this, but you are going to have to stand your ground.  And I know you can do it.  Just take one look at him and you will find the courage...trust me. 

And welcome!!  It's great that you guys are finally making your way over here!! 

SouthernBellelovesaYankee

Thank you guys so much. The advice is always helpful and appreciated. See y'all on Wednesday!

schmapril

I would put your foot down.  It's her choice to smoke, but it's your choice to take care of Dillon to the best of your ability.  I know you love her, and I'm sure she loves you, but if she is not willing to abide by your rules with YOUR LO, then she can't be around him.  If she shows her ass or pitches a fit, she is showing which is more important to her.  I'm hoping that you stand your ground and let her know what's important to you and Dillon's health!  They even talked to us at the hospital before we left about people who smoke and the effects of the smoke on their clothes on the baby(and I don't have anyone close to me that smokes).  Its that big a deal! 

On another note, it's about time your getting to your induction!  I'm sure the clock isn't moving fast enough for you yet, but it will!  Good luck and I can't wait to see pics of Dillon!!