Bio Mom cancelled her visit

MyColonyNJ

Lil J has not seen his mother since Feb 27.  That was the day he was removed.

At first, his mother was trying to "get stuff worked out" so she did not schedule anything.

Then, she was not able to have visits - take that as you like.

Then, again she was trying to work some stuff out.

So, I get a call from my case worker this week.  She had spoken to the mother on an unrelated topic and she said that a visit really should be scheduled - and it was scheduled for today at 12 pm.

The mother now lives in another state and she was going to take the train to a major city, then transfer trains to get to my state.  The case worker was going to pick her up from the train station and drive her to my local CPS office.

This was going to be a very long trip.  In all, between train and car, I would assume it was going to be about a 3 hour trip, each way.  I live an hour from where she would get off the train.

Like I said, she has not seen him in months.

I get a call today around 10:30 from the case worker telling me that the mother left her a message and she can't come anymore..She is claiming that she got on the wrong train, went the wrong way, will cost $100 to go back, and she has no cell phone.

To be honest, I do not believe ANY of it.  I will not go on and on why I don't believe it, I don't want to sound like a super negative person, and would love to give her the benefit of the doubt.

The case worker kinda had a feeling this would happen, mainly because it was not the mom's idea for a visit.

OK, rambling vent over.

DAT1205

I guess I will never understand certain people!!!!   On a happier note CONGRATS on being half way through your preg!!!!!!!  YEAH!!!

MyColonyNJ

DAT1205:

I guess I will never understand certain people!!!!   On a happier note CONGRATS on being half way through your preg!!!!!!!  YEAH!!!

I know - I still can't belive that I am 1/2 way to the finish line.

I also just don't understand why someone would not go to the ends of the earth and do everything possible to see their kid.  I just don't get it.

MyColonyNJ

fredalina:

Totally off topic, but when is (or was) your big u/s?  Are you going to find out the sex?

My "big" u/s was this past Wednesday.  Big is in quotes because I have had over a dozen u/s to date lol

But, no, we are not going to find out the sex.  I want to wait until the baby is born.  We could have found out at 12 weeks, the tech knew it (or at least could guess) at that point.

Jas*sGirl

I dont get people either!  I would spend 3 days on a train to see my child.  Its sad!!

 

Also congrats on being half way done!!!!!  I bet you cant wait to meet that little love bug!

sunnybrook.

I don't understand it either. I would do anything I could to see my child. My FS's parents canceled the last 2 visits so they could go out of town. The caseworker is giving them an extra visit next week and is considering increasing visitation. I don't get it. I also don't understand how the relatives of these children disappear. If my nephew or grandchild was in foster care, you can bet I would be involved even if the only thing I could do was call or visit. My heart hurts for these children.

At least Lil J has you!

MyColonyNJ

sunnybrook.:

I don't understand it either. I would do anything I could to see my child. My FS's parents canceled the last 2 visits so they could go out of town. The caseworker is giving them an extra visit next week and is considering increasing visitation. I don't get it. I also don't understand how the relatives of these children disappear. If my nephew or grandchild was in foster care, you can bet I would be involved even if the only thing I could do was call or visit. My heart hurts for these children.

At least Lil J has you!

I agree - He has a grandmother that claims she loves him so much, but yet has done nothing to set up any type of visit, or call, etc.  I would be willing to go to her town (about a 1.5 hr drive) as well.  I heard that there is a MAJOR language barrier, so it is possible that this is the reason behind no visits, because she can not communicate enough to ask for them.

Like you said, where is everyone else?  No matter if I hated my relative, I would do whatever was needed to make sure kids stayed with or at least in contact with other family.

But, then again, I guess the parents that have their kids taken away think differently than the parents that don't (yes, very general assumption - not saying they don't care, jsut saying that they think of their kids in a different way)

lilmufish

I am sad for Lil J, because he'll be the one suffering from not seeing his mom...but if she's going to be acting like this, maybe it's a blessing in disguise.  Does Lil'J know what's going on?

BTW, you are not a negative person!!

I hope you guys have a good weekend, enjoy the time you have with him!

MyColonyNJ

lilmufish:

Does Lil'J know what's going on?

Although he is super super smart, he is 3 yrs old.  So, even though I have been telling him for days that he will see his mom, he just really does not get it.  So, if I just stop talking about, he will probably not even mention it.

he is a little kid, he believes what you tell him.  So, even if he does ask, I will just say something like "not today" I don't think it will serve any good to tell him the whole truth..If he was older, yes - well, at least partial truth.  But, at 3 I am sure he is ok with the answer "not today"

Like you said, in the long run, it hurts him.  I would just hate it if things continue the way they are and then in a few months visits start again.  At that point, I would be afraid that he would not really remember her.  I have no pictures, even though she was asked to send one.  So, other than telling him that his mom loves him and I am taking care of him, etc - he does not talk about her at all.  I think he is slowly forgetting her

come*on*baby

I feel your pain - literally. I never understand why they don't make the effort to do any of it - visits, work their plan, etc.