Foster Parents - have a few questions (long)

MyColonyNJ

Ok, I know that there is at least one FP one here (Kristen) that has some kind of personal direct contact with the bio parents.

But, I have a few questions for other that may not have known the bios before placement.

Anyway, to my point.

Lil J has not seen his mother in almost 3 months.  YOu can take this whichever way you want.  His first visit is scheduled for this Friday.

Since the mother does not have any transportation, Lil J's case worker has to pick her up from the train and transport her to the local CPS office.  This office happens to be less than 1/2 mile from my house.

So - since the bio can not know where I live (my choice at this point), we either have the option of having his case worker drop his mother at the office, come back to my house and pick up LIl J - OR - I can meet them there.  If I meet them there, that means that I will meet his mother.

I told his case worker that I will leave the choice up to his mother.  If she would like to meet me, then I can drop him off.  If she does not, then they can pick him up.

If you did not know the bio parents before placement, have you met them either during visitation, etc.

Second question -

THis is my first placement.  I thought it would be a nice gesture to print out any photos that I have taken in the past 2+ months.  My husband says I should not waste my time.  To me, I think it shows how much I care for him.

Thoughts???

INgirlinDenver

I don't have a placement yet but can speak as to my experiences from when I was a caseworker.  I saw good and bad things come out of foster parent meeting bio parent.  Majority of time more good than bad. I think the pictures would be a nice touch especially if you are going there.   I know that it sometimes help bio parent as well as foster parent to be able to kind of check in with each other...answer any questions...foods kid does/doesn't like, letting bio parent know the progress of kid(walking, talking, etc).

I also really think that having the bio parent not know where you live is a good thing!  Even if things start off good...it can always go bad and then they know where you live. 

Ulitmately, it's your decision. Has the cw given you any feedback as to her thoughts on you meeting bio parent?  They should have an idea as to how it may go(bio parent being angry towards fp or asking questions of a positive nature). 

 

sunnybrook.

I did not know my FS's parents prior to his placement. Its 8 months later and we have a good relationship. I see them at his weekly visits (when they show) and his medical appts. Having a relationship with them has made the foster experience that much more enjoyable. His parents acknowledge that we love their son and are taking good care of him. His mom refers to me as his 2nd mom. They are appreciative of what do and were considering refusing a kinship placement so that he could remain in our care. That being said, I am very aware of when people are being manipulative and am comfortable saying no when I feel a boundary is being crossed. They have quickly learned that I play by the rules.

I regularly give parents photos. They LOVE them and have put them in a photo album and framed some. They love seeing the things we do - sledding, apple picking, etc. Sometimes I bring a camera to the visits to snap photos of FS with his parents. You never know what will happen. Should we adopt him, he will want to see what his parents look like and I want him to know how much they love him.

come*on*baby

we have met the parents of all 6 of our placements. DH met the BM of the first placement, I never did as a transporter came and picked her up. But I sent pictures. The sibling set of 2, we DID meet the father as he was the one going to visits. Luckily the one visit that their mother made it to the visit, I did not take them as most weeks a transporter came and picked them up. I sent pictures to him every 4-6 weeks, with a note translated to Spanish. And he even excepted the family pictures of us we took with the kids as well. He was very grateful for us, and we are in contact with his sister who has the children. The current sibling set of 3 - I see their mother every week when I take them to visits. We talk to each other and have a decent relationship. I've tried the "treat them with kindness" and it worked on the last 2 placements. The first placement, every thing I did pissed her off, so I quit trying after a while.

MyColonyNJ

Thanks for all the kind words

RJMbim

Well our sutuation is complex due to geograpghy and according to the (little bit of legislation that exisist here in Barbados) "Law" we are actually acting as her Legal Guardians/ Foster Parents until the long time line is up.

We met Savannah Birth mom with 2 weeks left before Savannah was born. She is a lovely girl with no issues besides lack of family support and guidance, being way too young with too many children (she is 20 with Savannah being #4) and as a result finances.  She has our contact info and knows (of) the general area in which we live (as a result of the agreement that she had to sign) but she does not exactlly where we live; I just feel more comfortable this way.

We allow visitation that is mutually agreeable (although everytime this happens our hearts enter into our throats)  and (have allowed her?) she takes photos of her own. I do however plan to make up an album for her as a christmas gift.

So yes, bother! May she will appreciate them maybe she won't but you would have showed that you do care and do wish for her to have memories of her own. 

pepomntpat

Thanks for posting this as it is something we will likely be contending with in the near future when we get a placement. 

I can't answer the question about meeting the birth parents, but I would definitely give her the pictures. Either take them yourself or send them with your CW depending on the decision you make.