baby daddy dilemma

BostonGayGal

If I use an anonymous sperm donor I buy him, pick him up from the bank, deliver him to the clinic and call to schedule insemination/s when my opk says go.

If I use my potential known donor friend, I have multiple conversations(and if he agrees), draw up legal contracts, and have him get tested. I would either have to hope he hadn't just picked up HIV (wouldn't show up in test for additional six months) or wait six months. ?I call him as ovulation approaches hoping that he has a bit of flexibility in his schedule, we visit each others' offices locking the doors behind us, and . . . I awkwardly extract the speculum from my brief case.

I am not sure what to do so I am trying to sort it out. ?What is best for me short term/long term? ?What is best for future child short term/long term?

My chances of getting pregnant are about the same since frozen die more quickly, but they also get deposited directly on the cervix which increases the chances of success. It would save me a few thousand (at least) to use the known donor. But the long term consequences are tougher. It would be nice to be able to tell future child that his dad is a good man. But even with lots of reassurances, it is a bit riskier legally.

Any input??

Jason'swife

That's a tough one. Have you talked to the friend about it at all yet?

Mysterious_wife

That is a tough call.  What about a long term relationship wiht your friend? It may be a hard thing to deal with if he sees you and the child regularly.

MaxOrTori

I think you need to get the friend's approval before you get to worked up over the options....  let him know both plans, and that you are looking into various options - then make a decision if he says yes.

BostonGayGal

Not yet . . . waiting for something particular to occur first - it might slow the timeline a bit, but not necessarily.

nlvaden

It would depend on how often this man would come into contact with said child I think.  It would be harder if you were to see him on a regualar basis.  HOWEVER, personality is passed down to children.  What if you unknown donor dad is a douche?

mrsadamc 05

Wow, that is a baby daddy dilema!  I wish I could offer you some advice but I have no frame of reference from which to draw.  Good luck with that!  Wow!

sandy02

If it were me I'd go with the anonymous donor.  There is just to much that could go wrong the other way and an additional wait I wouldn't really want to do.  All in all, I'd rather spend the extra money for more peace of mind.

Jason'swife

fredalina:

Honestly, i would use the anonymous donor.  All the testing and legal stuff is done, and it may be well worth $2k.

I think I'd go with the anonymous donor too. It's just cleaner that way. Legally speaking.

sazzette

Jason'swife:

fredalina:

Honestly, i would use the anonymous donor.  All the testing and legal stuff is done, and it may be well worth $2k.

I think I'd go with the anonymous donor too. It's just cleaner that way. Legally speaking.

All that plus you never know how your friend is going to react when he sees the baby. Even with legal papers done it still can be hard/awkward, etc. GL! 

armandos_girl

MaxOrTori:

I think you need to get the friend's approval before you get to worked up over the options....  let him know both plans, and that you are looking into various options - then make a decision if he says yes.

This.

TheMrs923

fredalina:

Honestly, i would use the anonymous donor.? All the testing and legal stuff is done, and it may be well worth $2k.

I tend to agree with fred. ?You haven't even talked to the known donor yet and, like you said, you'd have to wait at least 6 more months to find out if new donor is still STD free or roll the dice. ?Frankly that is not a gamble I'd be willing to take.

BostonGayGal

Oh, and though I am cheap as all Heill, I am not making this decision based on money, at least for the first six months or so, just mentioning it.?

But I am leaning towards anonymous. ??

Mrs.Wifey318

sandy02:

If it were me I'd go with the anonymous donor.  There is just to much that could go wrong the other way and an additional wait I wouldn't really want to do.  All in all, I'd rather spend the extra money for more peace of mind.

I think this is what I would do also.

texas77

i think i would choose the donor.  sounds like less potential for drama in the long run and that is what would matter most to me.  everything else sounds like short term problems...money, etc.