All I wanted to do today was spend the day with my husband and Abigail. He works SO much we never get to do anything together as a family and I was really looking forward to it. Well instead we had to go to MIL's because she guilted us into it and I barely even got to hold my own daughter all day bc someone else always had her. At one point I finally got her back and sat down to eat, MIL offered to take her and I said "no thanks i want to hold her right now" and I sat down - she came over and snatched her out of my arms, just TOOK her from me. I was not about to play tug of war with my baby but I was so pissed. As much as I wanted to stand up for myself in that moment I was just trying so hard not to cry I couldn't even talk. And every time she held her she'd practically run away from me and go as far away from me as she possibly could. So I had 2 glasses of wine which made me super emotional and I started thinking about our lost baby and everything just snowballed. I was fighting back tears several times, from being upset, frustrated, or mad.....
It just sucked. And now DH is mad at me for being upset about this???? He asked me what was wrong on the way home and I said it's not even worth talking about it bc you just get defensive of your mom and he said "but i won't" so i told him and he says I am looking for things to be upset about. And gets all pissy and says "your miserable" well no freaking wonder.
Re: today sucked
m/c 1/2/08 and 3/12/08
Eve Amelia- Born 2/24/09. 6lb 9.9oz
Natalie Ruth - Born 6/13/11 7lb 6.6oz
A kick to the shins sounds good.
It really sucks. I was really looking forward to my 1st mothers day, after our loss and a really rough pregnancy I thought we'd have a really nice day and it was nothing like that. I never should have gotten my hopes up. And I feel at this point like MIL has no consideration for my feelings at all. She didn't care that I wanted to spend the day with my family. She got mad when I said I didn't know if we'd be able to make it. And I'm so sick of her taking my baby and running away from me with her. It irritates me to no end. At one point somebody else asked MIL if they could hold DD and she said "no, she's MINE" - I was ready to jump out my skin.
I am so emotional tonight. It's not good. And I feel bad for even complaining bc I keep thinking of others who had a much worse day than I did today, all those moms whose babies aren't with them. I am so lucky to have Abigail. I am so grateful for my little girl.
I'm going to go eat a whole Ben & Jerry's. And go to bed.
I want to kick your MIL AND your husband.
Big hugs!!!!