IYO: How Important Is...

squeakerabudhbabi

We are waiting to adopt from China, and something I've noticed is that A LOT of the parents either keep the Chinese name their new baby was given at the Chinese orphanage or give a new Chinese name to their baby that they picked out themselves.

DH and I have talked about this many times, and the name we've picked is definitely NOT Chinese.  We will always make sure she is aware of her heritage, this is very important to us; however, we want to give her a name that we truly love, not one that we felt obligated to assign.

IYO, if you met a family with an adopted Chinese child with a non-Chinese name, would you think the parents had not been sensitive to their child's birth heritage; or am I just over-thinking this?  Most of the adopting parents seem to be pretty adamant about this tradition...???

EmmieB

This is actually something Husband and I have thought about (even adopting domestically we might get the child of a recent immigrant,) and knowing many many 1st generation Asian Americans, here is what we decided:

The first name will be a name we love. The middle name may be from the child's hertiage is we can find a name we like. If not, we find a family name and go with that. 

I don't think you're overthinking. And many people who have very ethnic names give themselves an "American" NN.

Like my BIL's sister's Vietnamese name is pronounce "Key-Mine" but she goes by Casey in her daily life.

It's whatever you comfortable with - which will make the child more at ease.

HTH!

lo45fd98wq32

I agree with pp. I teach in an area with a high number of Asians, and some will go by their names, but most pick an "American" nickname. It kind of gives them some agency in a choice. I also have a ton of students who were born in various other countries (China, Japan) named Billy, Charles, Carey, and other typically American names

EXL311

I am half Chinese and my brothers, sister and I all have Chinese middle names.  I chose to continue that tradition with my kids.  If I were to adopt from China I would choose a first name I loved and use either their given name or choose another Chinese name as a middle name.  It's just easier to have a first name that is more recognized and easier to pronounce here.  If you're adopting a baby of course this is much easier than say a five year old who is already used to their name.

Twink13

Cousins of ours just adopted a 5 year old little girl from China and they gave her an American name, i believed a combo of the grandmothers names. And kept her Chinese name as her middle name so if she ever wanted to go by that name later in life she could.

I thought it was a great idea!

Best wishes to you!!!

squeakerabudhbabi

Thanks all for responding!

EXL311: I'm so glad to hear from someone who has Chinese heritage!  I feel much better now about keeping her FN one that we pick out and MN one that she was given at the orphanage!  I would never want her to feel as though we didn't appreciate and value her birth culture, and hearing from you (and everyone else) makes me feel a lot better about our decision.

Thanks!

LMS05

My best friend has 3 adopted siblings. One from India, another from Korea and another from China. They are named Arianna, Patrick and Matthew, respectively so obviously they picked American names. I never thought it was strange, not even once.

I think it's really honorable of you to adopt a child! I admire that a lot.

shanwalk2

I know a family that adopted a little girl from China.  They named her Kenli.  They gave her the middle name Meiping (proncouced MayPing).  They planned on calling her Kenli through the entire adoption process.

Once they got her in their arms, They couldn't "not" inlcude the Meiping.  So they started calling her "Kenli Meiping".  Eventually, that got old, and they only call her Meiping.  (she's only 3 now... so it's not like this has been drawn out over time).

 I don't have an opinion either way.  I think giving Kenli a Chinese middle name is great for her heritage and it has a "story" behind it. 

I just think my friend's situaiton is so cool.  And it even surprises them how much Meiping fits for their daughter.  Even if you don't give her the chinese name, using as a middle name would be important to me.

amyfelice

I work with a lot of people (doctors) that were born here but whose parents were Asian immigrants. Most of them have "American" first names and Asian middle names. A few have Asian first names. One of my closest friend was adopted from Korea and her first name is Jaemi, so it incorporated her first name which was Jae, and then they kept her middle name, I forget what that is. She is planning to give her baby the same middle name if she has a girl.

jessawakawaii

My cousins are half Chinese, and their dad, who is American, speaks/reads/writes fluent Mandarin. Both of them have their actual names, (April and Luke) and their Chinese names that their grandparents gave them. Aparently, all of the grandchildren in that generation have names that start with the same character (?). BUT, they never, EVER use their Chinese names, and even their Chinese family calls them by their American names.

I guess IMO I don't think you should feel obligated to give them ethnic names, because you will be making them aware of their ethnic identity in other ways.

uvalori85

My stepmom was adopted from Korea and her parents took her Korean last name "Kim" and used it to make her first name "Kimberly."

IMO, I wouldn't even consider not using an ethic name. But I agree with many of the pp's. I would make the middle name the ethnic name.

Brownie_222

I can definitely see where you're coming from, wanting to have both.  Although this is a novel, I highly recommend the book "Digging to America" by Anne Tyler.  She's a great author and this book covers the name/adoption issue really well - don't want to spoil it for you, but it might provide some food for thought for you and your DH.

newportbride715

You're little girl is going to be as American as any other. To honor her Chinese ancestry, a Chinese middle name would be nice, but I'd go w/ whatever first name you like. Congratulations!

JillAly

I have 5 friends that adopted children from other countries- including China.  All but one changed the child's name when they got here.  I think it is quite normal to change a baby's name once they are adopted and to give them a more American sounding name.   They all kept the Chinese/Russian name as a middle name and that's a great way to honor where they came from- just the way a lot of biological children are given family names or maiden names of their mothers.

teacherjess

Congrats on your deciding to adopt! I don't think you need to keep her Chinese name. I would think keeping her Chinese name maybe as her middle name might be a way to acknowlege her heritage? Like...Madelyn Xiu-Mei Smith or whatever.

I just finished reading a book called Digging to America by Anne Tyler-- it's a fiction work about two families who adopt babies from Korea and China. If you like to read, I think it would be interesting reading for you. 

teacherjess

Brownie_222:

I can definitely see where you're coming from, wanting to have both.  Although this is a novel, I highly recommend the book "Digging to America" by Anne Tyler.  She's a great author and this book covers the name/adoption issue really well - don't want to spoil it for you, but it might provide some food for thought for you and your DH.

Ha-- great minds think alike! I posted this without reading your response and used their daughter Xiu-Mei as my example of names!

bride2be.austin

my friends adopted from China.  and they named her Lilly.  and i think it's absolutely perfect!!! 

longhorn14

DH's aunt adopted a little girl from China a few years back and kept her Chinese name as her middle name.

Her name is Lizzi Fu LASTNAME

soon-to-beamrs

I agree with everyone else.  Pick an American name you love as the first name but keep the Chinese middle name in case she prefers to go by it later.  I think she'll appreciate having an American first name, as it may be easier to pronounce and use here in the US.  Congrats and good luck!

kellyfromcali

I have friends that adopted 2 girls from China. They chose Grace for the first name, and used their Chinese name as their middle name. I think its a wonderful way to keep their heritage as a part of them. The middle names are a bit hard to say, but I dont think that matters.

jebuell

Friend's of ours adopted two kids from Korea.  If you ask them what their heritage is they say "American".  Sure, they were born in Korea but they were very much raised Americans.  Their family used to celebrate Korean holidays and they have Korean middle names, but after a few years neither kid was really that into it anymore and they stopped.  In the future they may get into it more, but growing up they just wanted to be normal kids like any other kid.

cherrykat

We are Asian and not planning to give her an Asian first or middle name.  Then again, last name is enough.  Hubby's parents want to give her an Asian "family" name (or nickname) to call at home, but it's not on her birth certificate or anything.  Give her an American first name... most of the people I know all changed their first names to an American one anyway.  You can do middle name if you want to heep her heritage. 

cherrykat

I should add that most people I know changed their name legally to an "American" name but sometimes still get called by their asian names as a NN.  You dont necessarily HAVE to put it on documents.. yet still call your child this.

Alexandra*sMom

Our old pastor had 2 boys adopted from Korea- Benjamin and Matthew.  Definitely NOT their origional names.  Do what you love!

KarlsSweetie05

Personally, we would be inclined to give her an American first name and use her Chinese name as her middle name. 

 I work on a global account with many Chinese co-workers and they have all adopted American first names for business purposes, so I don't think its strange or offensive to give her an American first name at all.

Keeping her middle name as her Chinese name is a beautiful way to honor her heritage.

tct1219

i want to adopt internationally and would like to incorporate (somehow) the child's country of origin into the middle name. we are planning on russia, though, which is a little different from china. i would go through chinese names and find one easy to spell and pronounce and use it as a mn and use the first name you picked out.

squeakerabudhbabi

Thanks to all for responding!  I am really looking forward to reading that book by Ms. Tyler now that two of you recommended it!  It seems perfect!

 I read "The Lost Daughters of China" by Karin Evans and "China Ghosts" by Jeff Gammage not too long ago.  Evans named her daughter after her father, Kelly (who died just a few days before they went to pick her up from China), but kept her Chinese name as her MN.  Gammage and his wife kept both of their adopted Chinese daughters original Chinese names with no variation.

It's good to hear everyone's opinions - very helpful, and it put us both at ease!  So, again, THANK YOU!!!

rikkiandjulie

My cousin, is recently adopted from China.

Her mother named her Liana Chan Last Name

She kept the name she had at the orphanage, as her middle names. I think it's perfect combination!

HTH!

berryblndgirl

I know several families that have adopted internationally and none of the children have names that reflect their birth heritage. I never thought it was insensitive. I can see why some families would want to incorporate their child's heritage into the child's name, but honestly I would think that most Chinese names would be difficult for most non-Chinese people to pronounce and it's likely that the child would go by an Americanized nickname anyway. I would give your child a name you love. If you want to honor her heritage, I think giving her a Chinese middle name would be a great way to do that.

wheelenl

Almost everyone that I know used their child's given name as the middle name, and a lot of my friends have done international adoption. I don't think it's insensitive to change his/her name, especially if you are not ethnically Chinese yourself. He/she was named in a different culture.

For perspective, one of my good friends, a Vietnamese immigrant herself at 9 years old, adopted from Vietnam. She changed her little girl's name to Annelise.

Do you have any adult friends who were adopted internationally? You could ask them. But the only folks I know who didn't change the name were people who adopted older kids, not infants/toddlers.

wheelenl

I just took your name poll and wanted to say my last name is Hastings, and Alistair is on my boy name list!

squeakerabudhbabi

I do not really know that many people personally (I'm not including those I've met online in chat groups) who have adopted internationally; however, I do happen know several people who were themselves adopted internationally, my mom being one of them!   She was adopted from Ireland, though, so it's a bit different than an Asian culture where the people obviously don't speak English or have English-sounding names.

My good friend Jamie was adopted from Thailand as was my other friend Nikki - both obviously not Asian names!   And, my friend David was adopted from Korea, but I believe his middle name may be his original Korean name.

My mother went from Erin Elizabeth to Kerry Ellen - ha!  So, not too much of a big deal there!  Well, except for the fact that apparently, her biological mother had wanted her name to mean "God's gift from Ireland"...

I think we'll try to find a beautiful Chinese name that means something really nice for her MN - we've got lots of time to decide, unfortunately, waiting time is 2 years for a match!   Everyone keeps telling me it will "fly by", but it doesn't feel like it.

squeakerabudhbabi

wheelenl:

I just took your name poll and wanted to say my last name is Hastings, and Alistair is on my boy name list!

 Well, they are very good names!!!