Working Moms
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Is anybody really struggling with being a working Mom?

My Dh is out of town on business most weeks, and home only on the weekends. I've never been very career oriented and mostly have worked because I fell into a well paying industry and can't really turn down the money and the long term benefits it will provide for my family.

I'm having such a hard time though. I just feel continually overwhelmed and miss seeing my son all week. I'm not motivated at all at work and resent being there.

Is anyone else in my boat?

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Re: Is anybody really struggling with being a working Mom?

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    bithy75bithy75 member
    I've been back at work for two weeks and I'm already struggling. I'm exhausted before I even get to the office because of lack of sleep and an hour-long commute. Before having DS, I have always had to take work home on evenings and weekends, and it seems like this workload is only going to increase because of budget cuts (I teach at a university and have an administrative position too). Between the workload and the crazy evening routine (making dinner, washing bottles and pump parts, feeding and bathing DS and getting him to bed), I feel like DH and I aren't going to have much time for DS or each other. I miss DS so much all day and I'm not feeling so motivated either! I wish I had some more encouraging words for you, but at least know that you're not alone.
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    I feel like this sometimes, except that I used to be very career oriented.  That, plus being super educated and good at my job has landed me in a similar position. I make way too much money to walk away from my career.  I would also feel incredibly guilty if I didn't work because, like you, the long term benefits of my salary can't be ignored. 

    I am only working 4 days a week right now which I think has helped me maintain my sanity. Can you go to an 80% work week or is that completely out of the question?  Can you work a day from home?  I do this often and again, it helps tremendously. 

     

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    I'm actually looking at part time options with other companies right now. My current company doesn't do part time for ppl. in my job. I'm hoping my current lead will work out...and quickly. "sigh"

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    I'm doing OK most days.   Honestly, I couldn't imagine being home all day w/ DD - I love her and hanging out with her, but I know I'd go batty.  And/or I'd create work/tasks for myself to give myself some meaning and structure.  The ideal situation for me would be if I could work PT.

    Stellas - don't you think part of your issue is that your husband is OOT and you're doing this solo most of the time?  Is his travel short term or is there a way you could work where he is?

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    His travel is all over the place, but the near constant absence is supposed to be temporary (over around the end of the year). He'll still travel, but not near as much. Its easier when hes home, but honestly not a whole lot changes. By the time we've gotten used to each other and he gets a handle on helping me out he leaves again.
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    Yup.  Feel the same. My dream would be to work PT.  What kills me even more- DH used to be an attorney and back then, we could have EASILY afforded for me to go PT if not quit all together.

    Right now- I'm the bread winner. 

    Bleh.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

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    Well, you know I was in your boat, definitely.

    The only advice I can give you is to evaluate your options and make the choice that is best for your family. The big kicker for me was I didn't feel I was doing anything AS worthwhile as being with my daughter would be. I wasn't career motivated at all in the field I was in. Now that I am, I choose to pursue that only when it works for Betty (as in, I work when she sleeps).

    I don't have very good advice for you Stellas, I'm sorry. I know how you feel and it's heartwrenching. All I can say is I hope you find your place very soon!

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    Hi Ladies;

    I know exactly how you feel. I also struggled with being a working mom in the beginning but now it has gotten a little better. DS is now 15 months old so we have a routine down packed.

    My words of advice to you would be to try your best to establish a routine, enlist lots of help from your DH (when he is home on the weekends). DH can help you prep for the week or take care of DC while you run errands, etc.
    Use a crock pot for dinners so you can have more time with yoru DC on the week nights, use disposible plates if you dont use your dishwasher, and spot clean for 15 mins or so after DC goes to bed.
    As for the no motivation at work, just remember that you are doing what's best for your family. Also, what has helped me is to focus on upcoming family events, like a mini vacation, going to the park on the weekends, etc. Its kinda like my reward for making it through the week.

    Hope that helps. ((HUGS))

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    Stellas - as a short term solution, what about taking off an afternoon once a week or a day once a week or every other week, just to get your ducks in a row.  It probably won't help you see your son more, but maybe you'll feel more in control at least.

    Also - could you move to be closer to your job or daycare?  My house (and daycare) are an hour from my house - that commute kills me and sucks my time w/ DD.

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    imagekatydid2007:

    I feel like this sometimes, except that I used to be very career oriented.  That, plus being super educated and good at my job has landed me in a similar position. I make way too much money to walk away from my career.  I would also feel incredibly guilty if I didn't work because, like you, the long term benefits of my salary can't be ignored. 

    I am only working 4 days a week right now which I think has helped me maintain my sanity. Can you go to an 80% work week or is that completely out of the question?  Can you work a day from home?  I do this often and again, it helps tremendously. 

     

     

    THIS!  I have fifteen years of experience in my field so I feel that I can't walk away easily.  I dream of taking a job with less resonsibility but we would take a HUGE cut in my pay which we just can't afford to do.  I too am looking for a part time solution and I'm talking with my boss about it.  My ideal would be to work about 30 hours a week so I still get the benefit of working (money, using my skills, social interaction, etc) and also get more time at home.

    image

    My twins are 5! My baby is 3!

    DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi

    DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame

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    I've had the same thing at various times in the last year and a half.  Earlier this week I was so mad that I had to be at work - the weather was gorgeous and I wanted to be out enjoying it with DS.  I don't have any good advice... the suggestion about taking an afternoon off to get your ducks in a row is good, but I also understand that if you are commuting, it might not making sense to drive to work for only half a day.  And I know most of us covet our sick and vacation time for when the children are sick.  Know that you aren't alone and we are here to support you and listen.  [HUGS].
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    Thanks for the suggestions everyone. :)
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    Yes! I'd much rather be a SAHM. My husband and I are on opposite shifts (daycare is too expensive), and it just sucks completely. I've been back to work for 16 months now, so it's not a new situation. Ugh.
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    JLSBWGJLSBWG member
    I struggle with it some days, but most days are fine.  I don't think I would be a good SAHM, so I know going back to work was the right thing for me.  Anything worthwhile has its challenges though...
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    Not yet, but going back is still new for me. My DH really is though and it's causing a lot of friction. Even though we made these decisions together and I don't want to be a SAHM mom, he is giving me a hard time about it and it's really bothering me.
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    AlisaSAlisaS member

    Balancing kids and work can be tough but I have to say - fathers/men do not have the option of feeling resentful about work or angry that they have to maintain employment. Tired, blurry-eyed, praying for a big lottery win, yep.

    Angry because you HAVE to work, though? It is a weird double standard.

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    Definitely.  And it was even more of a struggle while my DH was deployed.  It's gotten a bit better since he's been back, but now that I'm due any day now with number 2 my struggle has seriously returned.  I'm not very career oriented, but am working because the money is really good and it affords us a lot of extras.  I figure I will continue to ride it out at my company until I get laid off or until my youngest is in school, then I will reevaluate what I want to do with my life.  I think if I enjoyed my job or got any sort of fulfillment from it I might not struggle so much. 

    You are definitely not alone though.

    Mama to Lucy (7/06), Lexi (5/09), and Max (11/11) M/C 12/17/10
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    imageAlisaS:

    Balancing kids and work can be tough but I have to say - fathers/men do not have the option of feeling resentful about work or angry that they have to maintain employment. Tired, blurry-eyed, praying for a big lottery win, yep.

    Angry because you HAVE to work, though? It is a weird double standard.

    I agree its a double standard, but I know my Dh would never want to be a SAHD, and a lot of my ideas about mothering and fathering being identical concepts flew out the window after DS was born. lol. I really think Mother's have a much stronger drive to be WITH the child constantly. Fathers love their children and are protective, but they don't have that need to constantly be there that (many, not all) mothers seem to have.

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    AlisaSAlisaS member
    imageStellasmom:
    imageAlisaS:

    Balancing kids and work can be tough but I have to say - fathers/men do not have the option of feeling resentful about work or angry that they have to maintain employment. Tired, blurry-eyed, praying for a big lottery win, yep.

    Angry because you HAVE to work, though? It is a weird double standard.

    I agree its a double standard, but I know my Dh would never want to be a SAHD, and a lot of my ideas about mothering and fathering being identical concepts flew out the window after DS was born. lol. I really think Mother's have a much stronger drive to be WITH the child constantly. Fathers love their children and are protective, but they don't have that need to constantly be there that (many, not all) mothers seem to have.

    I don't think so - I think it kind of does a disservice to men to say that and - would that be genetic or conditioning?  Maybe men are conditioned to not "need" to be with their kids all the time because they don't have a choice.

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    "shrug" I think when you carry something in your body for 9 months and its cries make your boobs leak, you're tied to it in a way that someone who doesn't have those types of physiological ties isn't. Both mother and father are equally bonded with a child, imo...just in different ways.
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    AlisaSAlisaS member

    imageStellasmom:
    "shrug" I think when you carry something in your body for 9 months and its cries make your boobs leak, you're tied to it in a way that someone who doesn't have those types of physiological ties isn't. Both mother and father are equally bonded with a child, imo...just in different ways.

    Men can have physiologic responses too.

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    Thats why I said "those types" of physiological responses. lol
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    I have had my moments, especially when my kids were little.  And, I can say that if my DH travelled all week, I would not be working FT.  My DH never travels and does a good share of the kid duty, which makes working much easier on me.   if there is a way that you can maintain your quality of life and sanity at the same time, I'd do it.  Maybe you can reduce your hours? 
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    imageStellasmom:
    "shrug" I think when you carry something in your body for 9 months and its cries make your boobs leak, you're tied to it in a way that someone who doesn't have those types of physiological ties isn't. Both mother and father are equally bonded with a child, imo...just in different ways.

    I agree.  It's  a primal thing for women to want/ need to be with their babies moreso than their fathers.  it's only been the last few decades really- sociologically speaking- that women have had the "option" to be away from their kids to work.  (I do realize there are exceptions to this.)  While I appreciate the strides that past women made to help us out now, I think corporatations/ companies have missed the boat in terms of helping keep employees happy.  This is a huge soapbox of mine though, so I will stop.

     

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    Yes, me too. I'm very happy at home w/ the baby and have much more stress/anxiety working. I'm up to 4 days a week and go back to five in June and I hate the thought of it. Like many others, my salary is high enough that giving it up means we go from comfortable to just covering the basics...and I can't give up the security of my income in this economy. The real kicker is that I carry the health insurance. Despite that, I'm really hoping to stay home after baby #2, or work maybe 2 days/week close to home. At this point, I feel like I would be happy as a SAHM.
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    I struggle with every summer when all of my friends who are SAHMs are out swimming and going to the zoo, etc. I would love to be at home with DD. I stress more about getting to work and having enough time in the evening. I lack alot of rest and relaxation due to it. I just feel like I need a break. I don't want to have to worry about going to work and getting done there and then having to come home and get things done at home. I always think about how if I was a SAHM, the house would always be clean and picked up when DH gets home and dinner would be ready. I feel like I could work harder on my marriage and relationship with DD. I am longing for that right now. Praying specically for God to give me the means to do so.

     Thanks for letting get this out. I had a horrible MOther's Day weekend and this is nice to vent about.

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