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2nd Trimester
Starting to get really mad at DH.
DH went out with a friend tonight and still isn't home and is not picking up his cell. The bars here have been closed for an hour. It does not take an hour to get from any point A/point B in Omaha, especially in the middle of the night.
We had an argument earlier because he couldn't give me ten minutes of alone time before going out tonight - since he told his friend that he was meeting him at 8:30-9 he couldn't cuddle with me after putting DD to bed and meet him at 9:15. (I wasn't going to argue about it, but he kept asking what was wrong when I was trying to just shrug it off - we have this ongoing issue where he seems to schedule in plenty of time to go out with his friends once or twice a week, but we never have any alone time because of his work schedule and going to the gym).
Every minute that goes by and every time he doesn't answer his phone I get more and more pissed. Tomorrow is his day of with DD, and last time he stayed out too late, he ended up taking a nap all evening after I got home instead of spending time with us. DD wakes up early.
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Re: Starting to get really mad at DH.
That is NOT cool. If DH went out, got drunk, didn't come home, AND didn't call he would be lucky if I let his butt back in the house.
So, your DH goes out almost every night (to the bar or the gym) and leaves you with DD. When do you get alone time? When is date night?
It sounds like he is being a pr!ck to me.
So true! If Dh did this he would not be let back in the house, and he does thie 1/2 week. I guess he forgot that he's no longer a bachelor.
I think every time I talk to him about it, he automatically dismisses my POV as being hormonal. At this point in time he works three twelve-hour days and then he has one day off in between. It's a temporary shift while they're doing a project at his work. (His regular shift is three on, two off, two on, three off - so he's off every other Fri/Sat/Sun, or Mon/Tues, or Wed/Thurs)
Last month he was going to the gym almost every night. The importance of this was to take a PT test so that he could get promoted within his National Guard unit. He passed his PT test last month, was promoted, and now he goes to the gym two out of three nights. He is supposed to ETS in March, he's not getting stoplossed now, so everything is for ego at this point, unless he decides to reenlist (we're also not seeing eye-to-eye on what should happen here).
He will get home from work about 7:30 at night, I will put DD to bed around 8-8:30, and he will be out the door for the gym by 8:45-9. Somewhere during that time he has to take a shower (stinky job). So DD and I get about 30-45 minutes of his time before he goes out to the gym. On days that he stays home from the gym, we tend to go to bed around 9...
So, it's all about him and his need to get out and have "guy time". I've talked to him numerous times about how I need extra attention and TLC right now in order to feel good about things in our marriage with as little time as we have to spend together, and it feels like it hits a brick wall every time. His needs > my needs because he works all the time.
I work 40 hours a week. I spend my free time around the house taking care of DD and cleaning. I go out with my friends once a month at the most. Most of my friends are pregnant right now as well, but they have husbands who are home in the evening. My only "me" time is when I get to surf the internet after DD goes to bed because I'm too tired to do anything else, or can't do anything else because DD is in bed.
I guess my alone time is after DD goes to bed at night. I'm alone all day at work, too. I'm sick of being alone, I'd like to hang out with an adult once in a while.
Our last date night was in November - we left DD at my mom's house overnight after her first birthday party and we went to a sushi place, and then we walked around Wal-Mart. It was probably the lamest date ever, but at the time it was great because we were spending time together.
I think he's being a prick, but I'm sure he thinks I'm being a controlling, hormonal ***. How dare I actually demand anything from him when he works so hard, right?
I heard the garage door as soon as I hit the post button - and of course, he left his phone in the car because we were arguing before, so he didn't want to have to deal with me calling him at all (he called me at 8:40 on his way out, and started the damn argument, and then I didn't call him again until I woke up at 1:30 and saw he wasn't home). His excuse was that he had to drive his friend home (about 20 minutes the opposite way from the bar). Then he got mad at me for being upset that he deliberately left his phone in the car.
I never bother "guy time" unless it's vitally important. That said, "guy time" happens on occasion, usually during sports playoffs.
DH knows that he is to have his phone with him at all times when he leaves the house to hang out with buddies- ESPECIALLY now that I'm pregnant. I don't bother him while he's out, but if I call he answers.
Try to compromise with him. Let him know that you know he needs his time and that you respect that. If you don't put him on the defensive when you start a conversation, the conversation will end more favorably for both of you.
I definitely respect guy time. He gets guy time 1-2 times a week.
I wanted 10-15 minutes of "us" time, but got forbid he be late to meet his friend. He can be late to whatever we're doing together, though. Last time he went out with his friend, he went out during our one day off together in weeks "for a few hours" and ended up being gone for five.
I wasn't even going to start a conversation about it - I was just going to cry it out after he left, get over it, and go to bed - but he had to call me and get into it with me.