Vent about DD - could I have PPD? (long)

Mrs.RockyM

DD is 7 weeks old and every now and then I really get upset, sometimes even to the point of tears.  I'm not sure if it's PPD or just general stress. 

DH is finishing up his last semester of his masters, and chose this semester, the semester we had a baby, to take two classes.  I was very against the idea, but he went ahead and did it anyway.  He took off school and work for three full weeks when DD was born in March but has been playing catchup ever since.  The past week or so he's been working on his thesis paper every spare second he has, which leaves me to take care of the baby.  He's basicially taking one feeding a day at midnight and I'm not really getting any breaks unless I'm asleep.  Now I understand that once he's done with school, he'll be done, and I know he's really upset he doesn't get to spend time with DD and is very jealous that I'm home with her all day. Most importantly I know he's busting his butt to finish things and he'll help whenever he can, but there just isn't any spare time.  The paper is due the 14th, so I've only got a couple of days left, and then he's got an exam in the other class on the 21st and then he's done with school, but then he's got work stuff to take care of - for 5 days he's pretty much got to be in the office 12 hours on 12 hours off.  So really it's not done till the end of May, and even though he says he'll be able to finish painting stuff around the house, and putting stuff together in DD's room, I feel like there's always going to be something with him.  And then he just told me that in June he's going to be going to seattle for a couple of days, the first week I'm scheduled to go back to work and DD starts daycare. 

I just wonder when our family is going to be the priority and it really upsets me.  I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive, or if it's PPD or I'm just being a selfish baby. 

We keep getting into arguments over this, and I feel like we're both overloaded, but he's overloaded because he chose to be and why should I have to suffer too.  Maybe I'm just being selfish, and last night he told me he doesn't have spare time either, and he got all upset when I told him I'd give anything for his hour commute, just to be by myself and have some me time. I feel like I've lost myself.  I don't have time to do my hair, my makeup.  I've never been vain, but I've always taken care of myself and I just feel like I don't anymore. 

I don't know, is this PPD, or just general frustration and adjustment to our new life?

Kyla Sisco

It sounds like frustration. I can say I am not in a situation as bad as yours but I do find difficulty at points in my day raising two LO's.

I know you probably don't want to hear the generic "it will get better".

Do you have family nearby or friends through church that you can trust to take DD for at least an hour just to give you some kind of break?

What about taking up a class or something at the YMCA or your local gym where there is chldcare provided? I have a yoga class i go to at the YMCA and J goes into the nursery while K takes an arts and crats class or swimming class. It gives me a little break, and the kids get to get out the house.

Clotho!

aww sorry things are so rough right now. it may be ppd or it may just be that you're really overwhelmed right now that's a lot of stress. I would call my dr. and talk to them about this and see what they recommend doing. Hopefully you have some good friends you can talk to or have help out. having a good support system is so important. hope things start going better for you soon

TimingisEverything

I can't answer if it is PPD or not, you will have to see a specialist for that. I think you are both over worked and are resenting eachother for it. The fact that he is jealous of you getting to be with DD all day says HUGE things about your DH. He wants to be there and spend time with you two and help, he just can't. You have to realize that while he does choose to go to school and work a lot, he is choosing it b/c it is the best thing for your family. And, um, do you not think that your being busy wasn't a choice as well? You chose to have a baby, no? You are choosing to stay home with her right now instead of going back to work. I think you are both just stressed and need to understand that the other one is too and talk about it.

jen_and_scott

Our LOs are almost the exact same age, and I feel the same way. I have a DH who is around and helps some, and I still feel like that. Actually, I feel more like my life has changed drastically, and his hasn't.

I don't think (based on this alone) that you have PPD or that you are selfish. I think you have every right to feel the way you do; any normal new mom would!

As for time for yourself, is your LO on any kind of routine? We just started a routine on Monday, and I'm already feeling a huge change. I just got a shower! If you're not doing a routine, I would suggest doing that, it will make you feel like you have some control over your life again.

I'm reading Baby Whisperer, and, even though I just started it, I would recommend it! GL, I really hope that things get better for you!

CommAve07

I think you are just normal and reacting to life's stress with a new baby while you recover from a c/s.  You are trying to heal, figure out how to be a new mom and manage the main caregiver responsibilities.  Do you have anyone who can support you and give you a break?

soxfan74

to me it sounds like frustration, not having to do with your lo, but with your dh. I would be po'd if my dh was doing all of that right now. IMO you have every right to feel frustrated with the situation. You are NOT being selfish or a baby! Just try to be strong, ENJOY your precious baby!!  Maybe even go out and do some shopping with your lo or something here and there to break up the day.

I hope things get better soon when he is done with his school stuff!!

Good Luck!

SparkFish

I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed - I think it's totally normal, though. If it goes on for several days or a week, definitely see your doctor - even it it's not PPD, he/she may have some advice on coping. I definitely have days where I wish I could just get away for an hour, but DH works about 12 hours a day with his commute, so I often don't get a break. One thing that has helped me A LOT is regularly going to mom's groups to connect with other new moms in my area. At first, I was overwhelmed just thinking about getting out of the house, but it was totally worth it. I go to two different groups every week and it makes my days so much better to have other people to talk to who can relate to what I'm going through. I've gotten great advice at the groups, and it also makes me feel like I'm doing something for myself.

Another thing that I do that's helpful - DH gives DD her bath at night, and while they're doing that, I take a long shower and get ready for bed. Having 30 minutes to myself at night helps me recharge for nighttime feedings and makes me feel so much better after a hard day with DD.