2nd Trimester

Anyone else think Attachment Parenting is a bit extreme?

Being that this is my third child, I feel like I have some experience. I may get flames but I can tell you that

 

I have a wonderful relationship with my kids, BUT I value my space and I DONT WANT:

My baby attached to me 24/7, nursing off of me CONSTANTLTY for years until they want to stop, sleeping with me all the time, etc.

I never saw a baby harmed by sleeping in their own bed, being put down so mom can have a free moment, or learning when it is time to wean.

I just dont get it...

 

Re: Anyone else think Attachment Parenting is a bit extreme?

  • It's not for me, but I hesitate to judge any parenting style unless it raises safety concerns.
  • I agree.

    My cousin does attachment parenting and her daughter will not sleep anywhere but right on my cousin.  I couldn't imagine having to lay there while my kid slept on me and not being able to get anything else done.

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  • imageBlairWaldorf:
    It's not for me, but I hesitate to judge any parenting style unless it raises safety concerns.

     

    Yes

  • imageBlairWaldorf:
    It's not for me, but I hesitate to judge any parenting style unless it raises safety concerns.

    This.

  • imageBlairWaldorf:
    It's not for me, but I hesitate to judge any parenting style unless it raises safety concerns.

    This. To each her own.

    2 girls and a dog
  • These are the 8 AP Principles as outlined by Dr. Sears:?

    Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and ParentingFeed with Love and RespectRespond with SensitivityUse Nurturing TouchEnsure Safe Sleep, Physically and EmotionallyProvide Consistent Loving CarePractice Positive DisciplineStrive for Balance in Personal and Family Life?

    ?I don't see what's so extreme. Yes, there are parents that take it farther than others, and that's their?prerogative, but I don't think you should label AP "extreme".

    We will be cosleeping (with a cosleeper, not same bed) for at least 3 months, and will be wearing baby in public every chance we get, for as long as possible (rather than have her strapped into her carseat/stroller). ?

  • My personal opinion, I want my freedom, but I also want my kid to develop their own sense of independence too.  My DD was bf'd at her whim, until she weaned herself at 9 months.  She learned to put herself to sleep, soothe herself and entertain herself.  But that doesn't mean my favorite time of day is when she (she is 8 now) wants to crawl up in my lap and cuddle.  EDIT:  IT IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF DAY, ANY TIME, ANY DAY.

    Personal preference, but I don't like to have an adult conversation with a woman that has a kid hanging off her front bfing themselves, interrupting the adults by screaming and being rude in general.

  • Hey,

    If people want to do it, thats their business. Its just my personal opinion that I think it is extreme and not for me. What does annoy me is that I have been given looks for *gasp* telling people that my baby sleeps in a crib.

  • Who says Im not respecting it? And if I think it is extreme I will call it extreme. Its an opinion only

  • imageBlairWaldorf:
    It's not for me, but I hesitate to judge any parenting style unless it raises safety concerns.

    Yes I know someone who does it and it works great for them (they now have 2 kids). Personally, it's too much for me emotionally. I need my space. But I also won't judge others for what they chose to do.

    CP 3/07
    BFP 5/07 - Kylie born 2/08.       BPF 2/09 - Alexandra born 10/09.
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  • imagecmeon_the_water:
    imagekbud9:

    Hey,

    If people want to do it, thats their business. Its just my personal opinion that I think it is extreme and not for me. What does annoy me is that I have been given looks for *gasp* telling people that my baby sleeps in a crib.

    So, a gasp at your parenting choice is annoying, but, when you feel the need to blast someone else's choices, it's just your opinion? 

    I know if anything, being a parent has taught me that there isn't one way that works for every child, every family.

    Blast someones choices? Come on. That didnt happen and I didnt call anyone else any names. Stop looking for more heat than there is

  • imageBlairWaldorf:
    It's not for me, but I hesitate to judge any parenting style unless it raises safety concerns.

    100% agree w/ this.

  • I am a product of attachment parenting.  I think it did more harm to me than help.  I had a lot of trouble when it came time to sleep in my own bed, going to school by myself, and even doing after school activities where my mother couldn't be standing right there.  I went from being traumatized that my mother couldn't be with me 24/7 to resenting her with every bone in my body.  After the initial shock wore off in 3rd grade, I realized that I craved my independence and my mother wasn't ready to give it to me.  When I was in her presence, she was breathing down my neck.  I still have a lot of social issues, as well. 

    I actually started pleading to be sent to boarding school when I was in 5th grade.  I needed to get away.  In 9th grade I got my wish... and loved every minute of living away from home on my own.  In fact, I refuse to live closer than 500 miles from my parents.  

    While attachement parenting may not have negative effects on every child, I don't want to risk it with my own children. 

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  • I don't know if what we did can be labeled as AP, but our son co-slept w/us until he was 10 months old and he is still BFing (not on a daily basis, but when he asks).  I don't see a problem with it.  If that's not what works for you, then I understand but it works for some people.  My DH & I loved to have DS in the bed with us, I could watch him sleep and it allowed him to sleep longer in the morning giving us more rest.  Now that he's in his own crib, he wakes about about 7 or 7:30 every morning.  I also don't see why you can't BF and have an adult conversation, as a woman and a mother we should learn to get over these kind of things that made us squirm before we had babies.

    ETA: I also don't see how a baby who is crying because they are hungry can be considered rude.

  • I agree. To each their own but I like my space and having my alone time.
  • imageMrsBeckO:

    These are the 8 AP Principles as outlined by Dr. Sears: 

    Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting Feed with Love and Respect Respond with Sensitivity Use Nurturing Touch Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally Provide Consistent Loving Care Practice Positive Discipline Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life 

     I don't see what's so extreme. Yes, there are parents that take it farther than others, and that's their prerogative, but I don't think you should label AP "extreme".

    We will be cosleeping (with a cosleeper, not same bed) for at least 3 months, and will be wearing baby in public every chance we get, for as long as possible (rather than have her strapped into her carseat/stroller).  

    I agree with this. My child will be sleeping in a co-sleeper as well for the first 6 mos. or so and I intend to wear her around and let her nurse whenever she is hungry.  In my opinion, there is nothing extreme about that.  Like anything else, you'll find people on either end who are more extreme.  Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with AP.
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  • Before I got pg and started doing my own research, the attachment parenting that I have seen is on Dr. Phil which just exposes the extreme end of it. Now I see other forms of it. My yoga instructor is an advocate of baby-wearing but she doesn't obviously wear her baby while she teaches class. I think there's a balance between providing a nurturing environment and allowing your children explore their own independence. Every mother and child is different and what is right for some may not be right for others.
  • The word attachment makes it extreme for me. I will not be (or hope I'm not)  a parent like that. I have seen how it can turn out for the kids but, like pp have said to each their own.

    When it comes to helping the kid develop and deal well with the real world I just really don't think it's the best option. My boyfriend is like this with his son and the behavior is sometimes unbelievable. 

    Aaaand after I've just said all that, I know I'm not a parent yet and who knows how I will be when I first hold that baby in my arms- but as for right now I don't plan on AP. 

  • Perhaps I should clarify what I meant by extreme.

    I know people who refuse to put their baby down, even to take a quick shower, and refuse to let anyone at all watch the baby for brief periods of time

    I know people who let babies use them as human pacifiers and this also leads to the never putting them down (I am pro-breastfeeding, but i will be handing the baby off to husband for bottle feedings on occasion if i need a nap)

    I know people who have co-slept until they are in school and i do think that is unhealthy

    I dont see why people look at strollers, swings and bouncy seats as so bad. They are very useful items to have.

     

  • imageBlairWaldorf:
    It's not for me, but I hesitate to judge any parenting style unless it raises safety concerns.

    this.

  • imageBlairWaldorf:
    It's not for me, but I hesitate to judge any parenting style unless it raises safety concerns.

    I think Blair said it best.  I don't think it's for my family, and if it's not for you don't do it, but don't judge anyone else that this parenting style works for. I plan on: breastfeeding (but will pump for when I go in public) and the baby sleeping in a bassinett in our room for the first couple of months but then he will be in his crib. That said I also plan on holding/carrying him as much as possible we are out, but will also use a carrier so he doesn't ALWAYS have to be held.

  • sam19sam19 member
    I think some people can take it to the extreme but that doesn't make AP extreme. Not everybody follows every facet of AP like it's a religion. A lot of people take some parts of AP and use it in their everyday lives while they ignore other parts of AP. I think it just depends on the person. But if they are happy and the baby is happy then I truly don't care.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker NATALIE - 9/13/09 HANNAH - 6/8/12
  • Wow.  I know I'm a lot of things...but never thought of myself as "extreme". 

    Think what you want about my parenting, I know it's right for me and my family, just as your parenting is right for you and yours.   

    my blog: mama quiere beso
    Joaquin's hospital and Isela's birth center med & intervention free "hypnobabies" birth stories
  • sam19sam19 member
    imagekbud9:

    Perhaps I should clarify what I meant by extreme.

    I know people who refuse to put their baby down, even to take a quick shower, and refuse to let anyone at all watch the baby for brief periods of time

    I know people who let babies use them as human pacifiers and this also leads to the never putting them down (I am pro-breastfeeding, but i will be handing the baby off to husband for bottle feedings on occasion if i need a nap)

    I know people who have co-slept until they are in school and i do think that is unhealthy

    I dont see why people look at strollers, swings and bouncy seats as so bad. They are very useful items to have.

     

    Of course those people are extreme but that doesn't make AP extreme.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker NATALIE - 9/13/09 HANNAH - 6/8/12
  • I think any parenting style can be taken to an extreme. ?One of my best friends does a lot of AP-type stuff: ?co-sleeping, prolonged breastfeeding, etc. ?I don't think it had been her initial plan, but her first baby was very high-needs, and that's what worked for her. ?Another of my best friends is a lot more "traditional" (i.e., what we view as traditional in 21st century America; not actually traditional for most of history/the world) and has always been more of a crib/stroller/cry-it-out type mom. ?They both have amazing kids and are great moms. ?

    I'm hoping to just be flexible and do what works for my child. ?I want to be attuned to his needs, not slavishly devoted to what any particular book/method prescribes for me. ??

  • imagesam19:
    imagekbud9:

    Perhaps I should clarify what I meant by extreme.

    I know people who refuse to put their baby down, even to take a quick shower, and refuse to let anyone at all watch the baby for brief periods of time

    I know people who let babies use them as human pacifiers and this also leads to the never putting them down (I am pro-breastfeeding, but i will be handing the baby off to husband for bottle feedings on occasion if i need a nap)

    I know people who have co-slept until they are in school and i do think that is unhealthy

    I dont see why people look at strollers, swings and bouncy seats as so bad. They are very useful items to have.

     

    Of course those people are extreme but that doesn't make AP extreme.

    Perhaps, but most of what i see lately on AP seems to be all or none
  • imagekbud9:

    Perhaps I should clarify what I meant by extreme.

    I know people who refuse to put their baby down, even to take a quick shower, and refuse to let anyone at all watch the baby for brief periods of time

    I know people who let babies use them as human pacifiers and this also leads to the never putting them down (I am pro-breastfeeding, but i will be handing the baby off to husband for bottle feedings on occasion if i need a nap)

    I know people who have co-slept until they are in school and i do think that is unhealthy

    I dont see why people look at strollers, swings and bouncy seats as so bad. They are very useful items to have.

    This is not AP...you may want to do a bit of reading and research before you start throwing out assumptions like that.

    my blog: mama quiere beso
    Joaquin's hospital and Isela's birth center med & intervention free "hypnobabies" birth stories
  • imagekbud9:

    Perhaps I should clarify what I meant by extreme.

    I know people who refuse to put their baby down, even to take a quick shower, and refuse to let anyone at all watch the baby for brief periods of time

    I know people who let babies use them as human pacifiers and this also leads to the never putting them down (I am pro-breastfeeding, but i will be handing the baby off to husband for bottle feedings on occasion if i need a nap)

    I know people who have co-slept until they are in school and i do think that is unhealthy

    I dont see why people look at strollers, swings and bouncy seats as so bad. They are very useful items to have.

     

     I know that, as a whole, AP seems to work wonders for most families practicing.

    This is what I consider way extreme, too. (and off the standard AP practice) My cousin's aunt does these things are her children are a complete mess. She has three children, two daughters, 7 & 5 and a son 3. She has them in her bed (all of them, everynight as a rule) and has kicked her husband out of the bedroom. Their son doesn't even have his own room.

    They go to a special private school in NY so they don't have to be gone all day long, since they throw fits and scream the entire time. They aren't allowed to be away from her for any period of time. She doesn't even let her husband take them anywhere. And now that the girls are too old her her to carry all day, she has video cameras throughout the house to keep an eye on them at all times. Honest.

    The crazy thing is the obviously hate the situation (other than the sleeping one) and they act out and are horrible to her. I'm sure she had the best intentions when she began parenting them, too, but she ended up going in a completely different direction.

  • sam19sam19 member
    imagekbud9:
    imagesam19:
    imagekbud9:

    Perhaps I should clarify what I meant by extreme.

    I know people who refuse to put their baby down, even to take a quick shower, and refuse to let anyone at all watch the baby for brief periods of time

    I know people who let babies use them as human pacifiers and this also leads to the never putting them down (I am pro-breastfeeding, but i will be handing the baby off to husband for bottle feedings on occasion if i need a nap)

    I know people who have co-slept until they are in school and i do think that is unhealthy

    I dont see why people look at strollers, swings and bouncy seats as so bad. They are very useful items to have.

     

    Of course those people are extreme but that doesn't make AP extreme.

    Perhaps, but most of what i see lately on AP seems to be all or none

    You obviously have made up your mind about AP. But can I ask why you care? Are they hurting you? Is it affecting your child or family? If this works for their families and it's what they enjoy, then why does it matter? AP is a great form of parenting. I can find Extremes in traditional parenting as well. You can ALWAYS find a bad parent in any form of parenting. Just because the few people who you may know that do it are extreme, doesn't make it extreme. And they media is always quick to portray AP as extreme so I hope that's not where you are getting your judgements from.

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  • imageIselaCid:

    Wow.  I know I'm a lot of things...but never thought of myself as "extreme". 

    Think what you want about my parenting, I know it's right for me and my family, just as your parenting is right for you and yours.   

     Isela- Your son appears to be very happy in pictures, obviously you are doing something right for him and your family. Keep it up!

  • imagesam19:
    imagekbud9:
    imagesam19:
    imagekbud9:

    Perhaps I should clarify what I meant by extreme.

    I know people who refuse to put their baby down, even to take a quick shower, and refuse to let anyone at all watch the baby for brief periods of time

    I know people who let babies use them as human pacifiers and this also leads to the never putting them down (I am pro-breastfeeding, but i will be handing the baby off to husband for bottle feedings on occasion if i need a nap)

    I know people who have co-slept until they are in school and i do think that is unhealthy

    I dont see why people look at strollers, swings and bouncy seats as so bad. They are very useful items to have.

     

    Of course those people are extreme but that doesn't make AP extreme.

    Perhaps, but most of what i see lately on AP seems to be all or none

    You obviously have made up your mind about AP. But can I ask why you care? Are they hurting you? Is it affecting your child or family? If this works for their families and it's what they enjoy, then why does it matter? AP is a great form of parenting. I can find Extremes in traditional parenting as well. You can ALWAYS find a bad parent in any form of parenting. Just because the few people who you may know that do it are extreme, doesn't make it extreme. And they media is always quick to portray AP as extreme so I hope that's not where you are getting your judgements from.

    It affects me when People pull their sanctimonious attitude on me because they wear their baby in a sling and I choose not to, which I have received. I also do not enjoy being at events where the baby screams when it is seperated from its mother for two seconds, or when mothers create whiny, clingy children that I have to be around at public events.  Otherwise, it doesnt affect me. I was just asking if anyone had the opinion I do. I did not come on this board saying all mothers who AP are crap, I simply asked if anyone else shared my opinion, which obviously some do. People have asked the same thing about Elimination Communication and other parenting techniques, so what is the difference?

  • sam19sam19 member
    And you don't think your attitude is sanctimonious. You are obviously very ignorant about Attachment Parenting. I've gotten sanctimonious attitude from people who scoff at me for wanting to wear my baby in a sling. What is your point? You judge AP without having ANY clue what AP is about. And if someone bashed EC, I'd be doing the same thing. Because who are you to judge anyones style of parenting? If they aren't hurting their child then who cares? AP does not create clingly whiny children or screaming children. Children can be like when they are sick or hurt or just having a bad day. Stop judging. It will come back to bite you in the asss.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker NATALIE - 9/13/09 HANNAH - 6/8/12
  • imagesam19:
    And you don't think your attitude is sanctimonious. You are obviously very ignorant about Attachment Parenting. I've gotten sanctimonious attitude from people who scoff at me for wanting to wear my baby in a sling. What is your point? You judge AP without having ANY clue what AP is about. And if someone bashed EC, I'd be doing the same thing. Because who are you to judge anyones style of parenting? If they aren't hurting their child then who cares? AP does not create clingly whiny children or screaming children. Children can be like when they are sick or hurt or just having a bad day. Stop judging. It will come back to bite you in the asss.

    Blah Blah, Chill out. I was asked why I care and I answered. I wasnt judging but asking if anyone shared my opionion. If you didnt, you had the CHOICE not to even enter. I dont see whay people get so worked up looking for controversy

  • imageBlairWaldorf:
    It's not for me, but I hesitate to judge any parenting style unless it raises safety concerns.

    Yes 

    I think a lot of people really don't know much about AP and therefore make false and usually derogatory assumptions about it. I had never heard of it until I joined here and saw Isela talking about it.  I actually looked into it quite a bit. I don't see anything wrong with it whatsoever, and in fact since then have become friends with a couple who practices AP. I still don't believe it's for me, but I certainly wouldn't call it extreme.

  • Not extreme but... I learned a lesson with son..this baby will not sleep in bed with me because now..Daddy and I have a 2 year old in the middle of us at 3 am almost everynight! I bf for 13 months had to go on a mini vacation ..so he could stay with his grandparents and stop bf! I will not bf this one to sleep either I told Daddy I will pump and he will give the baby a bottle..because when I was bf my son would look at me like I was nuts if I attempted to give him a bottle..like mommy I know you have the boobs but daddy he would take the bottle from..so they can bond during nap time or bedtime till this little one gets use to bottles before sleep! Either that or I will have to get a king size bed lol
  • I try not to post on these sites as I have noticed that it tends to get quite nasty at times with everyone believing they are right and can dictate to everyone else - but in thsi case I just wanted to lwet you know that I agree with you 100%

  • imageBlairWaldorf:
    It's not for me, but I hesitate to judge any parenting style unless it raises safety concerns.

    This!

  • I am totally butting in way late, but I think there is a major difference between spoiling your kids, and AP. And I agree with the previous poster who said that she won't let one book dictate how she raises her kids...very wise. Every child is different. With my son, we tried a little of this, and a little of that until we found what worked for all of us. We plan on doing the same this time around. We found parts of AP and Happiest Baby on the Block to be the most successful.
  • I think a lot of good points have been made on here today; from both sides of the aisle. I agree that "extreme" ANYTHING is bad and that moderation is the key to everything...and also doing what is right for YOU and your child.

    My only opinion is this, and I will say it by quoting the best TV show ever created: (regarding breastfeeding)

    "If you can ask for it, you're probably too old to have it" -Miranda Hobbs

     

    have a good day, mommies!

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