Ok, so DH and I were going to have a mini-bonfire yesterday to try and get rid of some of our brush and we invited about a dozen of our friends and family to come over. Granted, it was short notice, but hardly ANYONE responded back and no one came.
This just made me think of how different our friends may treat us now that we have a kid on the way... I mean, I've noticed a general decrease in invites out and it's kind of sad. I guess never thought about this aspect before until now. My hormones could be blowing it a bit out of proportion and it is still effecting me today... They're all excited for us, but it's like they don't want to hang out now. This instance isn't the first, either. So....I dunno.
Anyone else notice a change in how much contact you have with friends now that you're pregnant and/or have had kids? I'm kind of hoping that my contacts don't all turn into "kid only" events....
Re: Pregnancy/Kids = Friends don't wanna hang out?
My close friends all live far away, so I can't really comment. Our neighbors, who we consider friends, have been having people over and they never invite us. Now they like to play beer pong and are up until all hours and I am not into that at all, but we invite them to our house and they come and we have fun. I thought it was odd that they never invite us to their parties.
On the flip, I have noticed that our friends with kids have embraced us more. Most of my H's friends have kids and they are so, so excited for us and always asking how I am and how our baby is. That is nice : )
I have noticed this a bit too, just among my single friends. The marrieds are all for hanging out. Our theory is actually that my single friends are a little envious of our situation. We're happily married, own a home, and have a baby on the way. That is what several of my girlfriends would have wanted by now but have been stuck in bad relationships or just lonely. I feel for them, but I don't know what to say and it hurts me a bit when I sense jealousy in comments but I still love them anyway. Our life is not perfect by any means and we have our own daily struggles too! hehe
Not saying that is what your situation is, but DH and I have discussed it and we've come to realize that's probably why some of them are not as inclined to hang out and be "interested" in what's going on with us.
Maybe have a chat with some of your close friends and tell them you value their friendship and that even though this is a big change for you, you'd never want to neglect their friendship?
I bet they smoke pot at the parties which is probably why you're not invited if you're an "outsider"
How old are you?
For me, I have been feeling left out for the past few years because I DON'T have kids. So many events involve kids and even though I have been invited to things I have lately felt very left out because of it.
Now, had I gotten pregnant when I was less than 25 or so I think I would have definitely felt that way. And I think different social circles operate differently. For example, my DH is military and our friends that are also military tend to have kids younger and therefore that social circle is very kid-centric.
On the other hand, my college friends are all just basically getting married (and some are still single) so babies aren't the norm and once the baby comes we will have to get a babysitter to hang out with them on a regular basis. But even though many of my college friends aren't having kids yet we are at an age (I am 28, Dh is 29) where it is somewhat expected and therefore nobody has had a distancing reaction to us.
It's just a difference in interests. ?When I was in my 20's most of my friends weren't married and didn't have kids. ?Once they joined the "mommy group" we didn't see them anymore. ?We didn't have any desire to hang out with them anymore. It wasn't because we were mean, or jealous, or didn't like them anymore, but because all they wanted to talk about were babies, or worse yet, they wanted to bring their baby out with them. ?There was nothing wrong with that, but our lives had gone in different directions and you will see that happen a lot through your 20's, if not through your whole life.
Now that I am in my 30's all my friends seem to be married and we are all having babies at the same time. The friends who are still single have kinda drifted away into new groups, so we only see them at larger gatherings.?
i just turned 23 this april and my friends didn't want to go out to eat with me to celebrate because they said they didn't have the money to spend. I said, "But if i wasn't pregnant we would go ou to a bar, drink, and spend money". My best friend said, "That is true..."?
And that was it. They changed the subject. It really hurt my feelings and it still does.?
Yea, maybe, but I don't think they smoke pot. I think a lot of it is b/c we are just in different stages, as pp have said. While we are in the same age groups pretty much (DH and I are I 32 and 29, respectively, and they are 29 and 35), they have no plans to ever marry each other or who have kids. In fact when I told her that we were having a baby, I think she actually felt bad for us. haha.
Plus, my H has told me in the past that I come off as a goody-goody. Maybe it's just me...haha.
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