Ok...no not ok did I just?... OMG- on FB!! (long) — The Bump
Adoption

Ok...no not ok did I just?... OMG- on FB!! (long)

After 3 "unpleasant" responses from "friends" this evening re us adopting (the comment: "why dont you save the name Savannah for your real baby" is what really did it). I sat down and wrote a note which I let DH approve and I posted it on FB in my notes amd on my page- I am still awaiting the comments and I'm shaking because a few people did know of our IF but now we're "out"....the note is below:

 I seldom explain myself to persons beyond my immediate circle of close friends and family but in light of the accusing emails, looks of shock, borderline confusion and disappointment I feel compelled to break a rule.
Yes the rumor mill is right and .... and I are (cautiously) in the process of adopting a newborn girl- we have named her Savannah after the hotel that ... asked me to marry at. She is beautiful; perfect, healthy and we love here already although a window of opportunity does exists for this to go ?wrong?
Savannah?s birthmother is unable to take care of her and she loves her enough to offer her the opportunity to have a different life in a 2 parent household; us- and we have accepted.
This coupled with our infertility issues; (I have bilateral blocked tubes) has made this ?situation? that more fitting for us, we both have a desire to raise a child- she may not have grown in my tummy but she has grown in our hearts.
We are still capable of having biological children (visit http://barbadosivf.org and read up on IVF) and we very well may in time to come and God willing when/if this day comes we will have a larger family; built differently but the foundation just as strong if not stronger.
We just felt the need to clear the air and offer some insight into what we do consider a private matter but something that needed to be said.
Adoption is a beautiful thing and infertility issues or not is a blessing, Savannah will be treated, loved, respected and welcomed the same as if she had come from our bodies because our spirits have given her life.
Feel free to ask me/us anything & please do not interput this note to be one seeking your permission (we are both adults and have discussed this matter thorougly with our families) but instead offering you a look into us that you may have not otherwise been afforded- and a closer look at infertility, adoption, family and...love :).

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Re: Ok...no not ok did I just?... OMG- on FB!! (long)

  • Great job.......you spoke from you heart and that is all that you can do....you deserve the best and right now Savannah is what is best!  Keep up the good work.
  • Very Well Said!! I honestly am shocked at times what comes out of peoples mouths!  "real baby" WHAT!?!!?  WOW!!

    I commend you for not totally flying off the handle on that one!

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  • That was beautifully written and articulate! Way to go! My DH and I are going to be in the same boat...no one outside of family knows we are adopting and most do not even know about my IF. We kept everything private because, in plain English, we work with a bunch of A#$ $oles. One co-worker tried to destroy our marriage and it's been grueling trying to go through all of this without a few shoulders to cry on, so I feel your pain and applaud your candor and bravery!

    Once we bring home our DSs or DDs, the world can all go to H$#L!!!

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  • That is great and very well written.  How did you not lash out at the "real baby" person?  I would have flipped over that one.
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  • Very well written!  I personally would have either been in the corner crying or raging mad at the "real baby" quote.
  • image crystalpopcorn:
    That is great and very well written.  How did you not lash out at the "real baby" person?  I would have flipped over that one.

    She asked me this on msn messenger and at the time I just felt like I was either going to swear or cry but nothing would happen so I just blocked her. I actually just unblcked her and let her know I tagged her in a note on FB.

  • Well written and perfectly stated. Kudos to you.
  • Ditto.

    I think sometimes you do just have to 'lay down the law'. It is amazing that people don't know how to 'properly' behave unless they are told.

  • What you wrote was perfect.
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  • Congrats on adding to your family. Well written letter...I know for me the comments cut a lot...adn quite deeply at first, but as she has grown its not quite as painful
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  • The letter was perfectly written. You are stronger than I, I think I would have told her off.  Good Luck with little miss Savannah.

     

    Amie 

  • I am *SO* Proud of you!   That takes *ALOT* of guts and such to be able to post.  You should be proud of yourself. 
  • This letter is why you will make a wonderful mother (and YH a wonderful father) to any child that is fortunate enough to join your family.  I think it is perfectly written and that these "friends" who responded in such a heartless way may never be mature enough to realize that blood is not the building blocks of a family, love is. 

    Congratulations on Baby Savannah, I hope that everything works out perfectly for your new family. 

  • Very nicely done!  People never cease to amaze me.
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  • Good for you!  You are kinder than I.  In your situation, I don't think I would have explained myself, but rather just told them that this is how we chose to build our family and they can either chose to accept that this is our real child or to disassociate from us.

    Your answer goes a long way to helping them understand that people may struggle with infertility and that their comments are insensitive and inappropriate.  You are undoubtedly setting a stellar example for little Savannah.


  • EmmieBEmmieB member
    image RJMbim:

    After 3 "unpleasant" responses from "friends" this evening re us adopting (the comment: "why dont you save the name Savannah for your real baby" is what really did it). I sat down and wrote a note which I let DH approve and I posted it on FB in my notes amd on my page- I am still awaiting the comments and I'm shaking because a few people did know of our IF but now we're "out"....the note is below:

     I seldom explain myself to persons beyond my immediate circle of close friends and family but in light of the accusing emails, looks of shock, borderline confusion and disappointment I feel compelled to break a rule.
    Yes the rumor mill is right and .... and I are (cautiously) in the process of adopting a newborn girl- we have named her Savannah after the hotel that ... asked me to marry at. She is beautiful; perfect, healthy and we love here already although a window of opportunity does exists for this to go ?wrong?
    Savannah?s birthmother is unable to take care of her and she loves her enough to offer her the opportunity to have a different life in a 2 parent household; us- and we have accepted.
    This coupled with our infertility issues; (I have bilateral blocked tubes) has made this ?situation? that more fitting for us, we both have a desire to raise a child- she may not have grown in my tummy but she has grown in our hearts.
    We are still capable of having biological children (visit http://barbadosivf.org and read up on IVF) and we very well may in time to come and God willing when/if this day comes we will have a larger family; built differently but the foundation just as strong if not stronger.
    We just felt the need to clear the air and offer some insight into what we do consider a private matter but something that needed to be said.
    Adoption is a beautiful thing and infertility issues or not is a blessing, Savannah will be treated, loved, respected and welcomed the same as if she had come from our bodies because our spirits have given her life.
    Feel free to ask me/us anything & please do not interput this note to be one seeking your permission (we are both adults and have discussed this matter thorougly with our families) but instead offering you a look into us that you may have not otherwise been afforded- and a closer look at infertility, adoption, family and...love :).

    image

     

    There would have been face-punching (even virtual) for that one. I feel your pain and I return it with a renewed sense of disgust and outrage at how insensitive people can be. This is why you think before you type. UGH.

     

    As for your note - very beautifully stated.  :-)

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  • Beautiful - but you were way nicer than I ever would have been!!
  • I got a ton of comments to my note though not a single one from the "offenders" but I'm glad its off my chest and DUh and I are happy with our decision and our real friends and family stand by all 3 of us.

    Thanks for the support ladies.

  • EmmieBEmmieB member

    I would unfriend the offenders. 

    And to the one who made the punch-worthy comment I would say something like "Since you don't consider Savannah my "real" baby, I no longer consider you my "real" friend. GFY."

     

    Big Smile 

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  • Wonderfully stated!

    My mother was adopted from Ireland, and DH and I are wanting our first child to be adopted as well...it shocks and hurts me when I hear the complete ignorance most people have concerning the subject.  (Unfortunately, the "real baby" comment seems quite common - ugh!)

    Just live your life and raise your new baby girl; and maybe your family will be a shining light to some of these people, re-educating them on what it means to be a parent, love a child, and opening their minds to the true meaning of the word "family"!

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