Stay at Home Moms

dealing with mean people about being a sahm

I am having a hard time dealing with those around me who seem to be jealous about me being a sahm. I have been taking it to heart and it's getting to me, do you have any advice to help deal with this or these type of people?

Re: dealing with mean people about being a sahm

  • I'm not sure exactly what they're saying, but I'd probably just respond by saying how thankful I am that I have the opportunity to be home with my baby. What are they saying that's upsetting you?
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  • I've been a SAHM for 12 years and I've heard it all.  You really need to just forget about what they are saying to you.  It took my mom forever, but now she sees the benefit of not working while the kids are small.  My kids are healthy and they always know that I am around for them.  She can see a huge difference between my kids and my brother's kids.  Come back to this board whenever you need a bit of encouragement!  I'll be happy to give you some.
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  • I just assume their jealous and have "issues" b/c they can't stay at home themselves. The comment that REALLY gets me is when people say "You're at home all day, so you must have all the time in the world." Or, "I'm soooo tired. You are so lucky, you get to stay at home." I honestly have to say, being a SAHM is THE most exhausting job out there. Yes, we might have a little more flexibility with our time, but it's constant..no lunch/coffee breaks. Anyhow, don't let comments get to you. Whenever someone starts in on me, I just say, "Atleast YOU gets breaks, and you get PAID!" Shrug it off:)
  • I was just telling my mom the same thing this morning. A lot of my girlfriends say "Well, I wish I could stay home". In a tone that sounds like, "I wish I could do nothing all day long."

    The only thing I think you can do is just know that you are doing the right thing for your family and kind of brush the comments off. I have had to develop a thicker skin in reference to being a SAHM.

  • i am expecting and also already get those remarks. i am only 23 and blessed to be able to stay at home but a few friends who arent as lucky really make comments or digs about me being "spoiled" or lucky to be able to. i say yea i am, but almost feel i need to justify that i stay busy a whole lot. i sub and live on ten acres so there is constant up keep and cleaning to do but everyone seems to think its like vacation....
  • I think you're right in noting that they are jealous. ?At the end of the day, most people cannot stay home even if they want to-- and that makes it hard for people to avoid the snark.

    I take my baby to a gym class on Saturdays because I also have a 2 y/o, so I need to go when MH can watch the 2 y/o. ?The other moms in the class are working moms, and I get the attitude you are talking about a lot.

    Try not to let it bother you :)?

  • Several of my pregnant friends are upset because they are unable to stay home.  For a few of them, they really couldn't have made different choices that would have allowed them too.  However, I do have several friends that are complaining about working after the baby is born or now that they have kids about going to work.  They say things like, "You don't know how lucky you are" and "I wish I could stay at home, it's not fair".  Depending on which of the above groups they fall in, I always *think*, well you could stay home, but you made choices that don't allow you to.  I live in a much smaller house than they do, drive much older/smaller cars and travel to much less exotic places.  These are decisions we've made as a family that allow me to SAH.  If it was something you wanted to do, get ride of the brand new Acura and Lexus, don't buy 1/2 million dollar homes in low COL areas that you could live in a McMansion for $200,000 and stop taking yearly trips to the Europe/Aruba/Austrailia.  I don't understand it.  We all make our choices.  We all decide what life we want for ourselves, and for some that is easier than others. 

    That said, I do have some friends who really don't have a choice.  They couldn't not work and keep any size roof over their heads.  I do have empathy for them.  But the comments from the others get on my last nerve.

    sorry, i hijacked your post into my own vent.:)

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  • I am so sorry... it's really hard NOT to take things to heart when they come from your peers and I really hate saying this because I hate when people say it to me, but I think you'll just have to dig deep and rise above those comments. Maybe try changing the subject when they start harping on it!  :)

     

    The best advise my mother gave me once I found out I was pregnant was to surround msyelf the best I could with like-minded people: people who understand exactly what you are going through, people with similar values, people with similar lifestyles so we can all support each other!  

    I know this is easier said than done and I'm not saying this means you should NOT be friends with anyone who isn't a SAHM... you can interpret this to mean what you want.  But for me personally, I found it best to make friends locally with other SAHMs so that I could have them help validate most of my concerns & truly advise me when I am struggling as well as to have friends to spend time with during the day while my other friends were at work.

    HTH!

    eclaire 9.10.06  diggy 6.2.11

  • The question I get a lot that just drives me nuts is...What do you do all day?  This question is usually asked in a nasty tone like I just sit around all day watching tv and doing absolutely NOTHING...grrr...I had a career previous to having our son and I definitely feel like being at home is way more exhausting than working outside of the home.  Women can just be nasty in general so I usually ignore it or make a point to talk about it even more...I like getting under their skin sometimes!  Anyways, this battle between working and SAHMs will never disappear, I am just thankful that I am one of the lucky ones and get to mold my children exactly the way I see fit.  Good Luck! 

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  • I am a working mother who would not make these kinds of comments. I have stayed home at times so i know what it can be like and i have several stay at home mom friends as well. I have gotten the reverse however, and that really bothers me, especially when some people get very sanctimonious and say that they dont want anyone else raising their kids or that working mothers are substandard. This drives me nuts becuase just because you work does not mean you are not raising your kids. We should all be respectful of each others choices and i agree that you should try not to let it bother you.
  • imagekbud9:
    I am a working mother who would not make these kinds of comments. I have stayed home at times so i know what it can be like and i have several stay at home mom friends as well. I have gotten the reverse however, and that really bothers me, especially when some people get very sanctimonious and say that they dont want anyone else raising their kids or that working mothers are substandard. This drives me nuts becuase just because you work does not mean you are not raising your kids. We should all be respectful of each others choices and i agree that you should try not to let it bother you.

    I totally agree with this.  I also have been on both sides of the fence, and while I prefer SAHM way more, you'll find that you get those insensitive comments whichever way you go.  ("What do you DO all day?  How do you fill your days?" ...or... "I couldn't bear having someone else raise my kids".  Believe me, having your child in daycare 8 hrs a day doesn't mean someone else is 'raising' them!)  Like a PP said, I think you've just got to develop thicker skin and let the negativity roll right off you!  And hang out here more. :)

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  • I have a "friend" that honestly thinks that all I do at home is watch tv and eat bon bons. It does get to me because I work very hard with my children. But I just smile because she is a working mom and looks like all she does is eat bonbons all day. heh heh! is that too mean?
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  • I've heard it all, from aren't you bored to I don't know how you afford it.  I've even had people inform me that their kids are smarter for attending daycare, mmmmmk.  As if my son will be un-intelligent because I'm staying at home with him.

    I've was a SAHW for a while and I was semi bored with that, there is only so much cleaning and cooking you can do, but now that DS is here it is the hardest job I've ever had, it would be 100 times easier to pay a daycare to take care of him and go to work!!!   I'm lucky if I have breakfast by noon and am lucky to shower before DH gets off work.  It is nonstop somedays and other days it is easier, but DS is still small so I know that when he is awake more my days will be even busier.

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  • AlisaSAlisaS member
    imageLDQAM516:

    The question I get a lot that just drives me nuts is...What do you do all day?  This question is usually asked in a nasty tone like I just sit around all day watching tv and doing absolutely NOTHING...grrr...I had a career previous to having our son and I definitely feel like being at home is way more exhausting than working outside of the home.  Women can just be nasty in general so I usually ignore it or make a point to talk about it even more...I like getting under their skin sometimes!  Anyways, this battle between working and SAHMs will never disappear, I am just thankful that I am one of the lucky ones and get to mold my children exactly the way I see fit.  Good Luck! 

    Let's see - you want the battle to end but you go on to denigrate working mothers for not being able to raise their children as they see fit? Kind of dumb post, don't you think?

    Forget the SAHM vs. WM thing - why is that that some mothers actually believe that they gain some special super mothering abilities when they get knocked up that are so special that no one could EVER do as good a job caring for children as them?

    I mean, really?

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