Stay at Home Moms

Would you be OK w/DH being the SAH parent?

I currently stay at home but financially, it would make more sense for DH to stay at home (and continue to work a side business he has on weekends) and for me to go back to work (mainly for the health insurance as DH's business would be enough, but one of us needs a job with health insurance). Right now he's basically working two jobs and it just doesn't make sense. But DH is not as protective as I am and I just can't imagine him being the stay-at-home parent. I trust him, he spends days alone w/DS all the time, so it's not that, although I can see how me saying this sounds like I don't trust him. Hard to explain but that's just the feeling I have about it. I'm more paranoid and so naturally I always want to be there. Does that make sense?


Would anyone else feel that way about their DH being the stay-at-home parent? Would you be OK w/DH being a SAHD if that's what worked out best financially for your family? Thanks! :)?

Re: Would you be OK w/DH being the SAH parent?

  • If it worked out best financially (and it does NOT since DH has a CDL and that's an entirely different ballgame, and I have no degree), yes we'd do what we had to. But... Dh wouldn't last ONE day. Not ONE day home with the 2 kids. He'd be begging me to come home after 2 hours.
  • DH would rather flip burgers at McDonald's than be a SAH dad.  Its not an option we would ever consider.  We would happily put the kids in daycare before DH would stay home.
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  • I'd be fine with DH being an SAHD if it made financial sense.  I'm not sure if he'd want to do it, though.
  • I'd be fine with the idea but I know that he would not want to do it.  He would rather work 2 jobs then stay at home all day with the kids.  But if your husband is fine with staying at home then I say "all the power to him!!!"  I think it's a great.
  • If he was to be a SAHD he most certainly would not be the same parent as you.  He would do things his way and you would have to let it happen. Just because he has a different style doesn't make him less caring. I'm sure there are things about your parenting style that he lets go or would do differently. Being the primary caregiver, we see things that the 'working' parent doesn't and perhaps it would give him a greater respect for what you do for the family. He would need to have time to adjust and see there just be a method to your madness as there would be with his. Give the man a chance. 

    My brother was a SAHD and he is a better man for having had the experience.  If this is what you both want and it makes sense for your family then I say go for it! 

  • I would LOVE it if hubster wanted to be a SAHD, and I'm pretty sure that he'd be just as good or better at it than me. 

    He's taken off a few days so that he can help while I hole up in his office working on grad school, and I think I've seen my kid maybe 2hours total since Friday morning, and he's loving it.  So is she, apparently, because when I tried to hug her before she went to bed last night she totally ran to him, ha! 

  • I think that thinking no one can do as good of a job as you do when it comes to DC is part of being a mom. Not sure if that's what you meant, but I think it is natural. If it made financial sense, I would be fine w/DH being a SAHD, but whether he would be fine with it is a different story!
  • if it made financial sense, I'd have my DH be the SAHP in a heartbeat.  I honestly think he's better with DD than I am!    He enjoys cooking and cleaning as well...2 things I depise and hardly do unless absolutely necessary.

    I'm the least domestic woman ever, and I'm currently a bit down on myself because DD and I have been having BIG problems the past few days.  But, seriously, my DH is better at just about everything on the homefront than I am - he just has more easrning potential than I do :(

  • I used to never think so, but now, after I've SAH and can see the benefits of having one parent at home, I absolutely would.  If it made financial sense to do so.  I would at least be open to a trial period, to make sure he was able to handle things up to my standard. ;)
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  • It worked that way for us for a year starting when DD was 3 months old.  It was harder on me, I think, to leave her to go to work (than it would be for him) & I would call home everyday to check in on her, only because I missed her (not that I was worried about him taking care of her).  He was awesome, took tons of pictures & videos of some of her "firsts".  He was great & we would do it again if we had to.
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  • No, I would worry about the kids & be resentful that he didn't make more money.  I am old fashioned that way & frankly I don't love the way he was raised (spoiled completely) & I am pretty sure he would not do the job up to my standards.  He certainly doesn't do anything around the house to my standards in terms of cooking/cleaning/etc...stems from not doing anything as a kid again.  I'd be more open if I had boys possibly because I think he'd put forth more effort, but w/ girls I really feel that they need me (I'm more affectionate, outgoing, etc) & would not be OK w/ it.

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  • My specific DH, no. He doesn't have the temperament for it at all. Finances are important, but if it was at all an option, I'd rather be the one at home.
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  • I do not buy the "dads are less nuturing" line. That's so offensive to women as well as men. My DH coslept with DS, I did not. If DH would swap and I could have my job back I'd jump at it.

    Aside from the fact he wouldn't be the man I married if he wanted to do that, so I'd be a bit disturbed about that change in personality :-) But hey, if I could pass off SAH role to anyone I'd be thrilled. 

  • DH used to joke when we just had Christopher that he would love to SAH. I think he thought it would be much easier than being at SAH isn't work! ;) Anyway, he has definetly changed his tune. He would not like the repetitiveness of it all and he is not as patient as me.

    Funny thing, yesterday I was gone the whole day. Left the house before 6am and was home at 11pm. DH had the kids all day until about 6pm when my mom came over so he could go to his poker game. When I got home, I asked him how the day went and he said good, blah, blah. Then he tells me how he doesn't know how I do it everyday. That it is hard work to take care of the kids, house and run errands. This was the longest he had ever had the kids by himself so that made me feel really good! :)

  • I know what you mean.... about havig a feeling that he wouldn't be as protective as you are. But, I think I'd feel that way about anyone who was?watching?her.

    ?Financially it would be?ridiculous?for us though.?If they paid teachers (me), as much as they pay software?engineers?(him), then I would be okay with him staying home. If he?truly?wanted to, then I feel like he has as much of a right to spend that kind of time with his daughter as I do.?

    I guess the question is, if it weren't for the?finance?aspect, would he still want to stay home? ?

    Married 07.07.07. Mom to 3: Ruby 11/08 and Oliver & Austin 12/11
  • We may indeed switch off at some point.  It has been discussed.  We both have about the same earning potential over the long haul.

    I think my DH would be a great SAHD.  Probably what would drive me crazy is he wouldn't be as good at keeping the house clean.  But as far as caring for DD, he'd probably be better than I am.  He really loves to play!

    I'm pretty careful with her, and he might be less so, but in a way that would be good.  She might be more likely to plunge into things and try new things if she learned this attitude from her dad (rather than my typical caution).  Honestly, I think each parent has strengths and weaknesses -- in a healthy marriage, at least -- so either way, your DC will benefit.

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  • DH wouldn't last!  He is much more patient than I am.  However, the few times he's had DD all day by himself (I've been home) she doesn't get the same care and he's tired at the end of the day.  DD would eventually eat three meals a day, I just can't promise they would be healthy.  DD would love video games and tv.  DD would live in a very filthy house.  The list is kind of endless.  There was one point where discussed this as an option b/c my career was taking off and relocation was a good chance.  Plus, DH works in an industry that is hard to pick up anywhere.  So, likely we will relo at some point for DH's job.  I will go back to work in a few years, but will be unlikely to pursue a "career" more likely just have a "job". 
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  • Hi there!

    I've honestly never really thought about it because 1) DH makes 3x what I make, 2) he really loves me at home and that I love it so much, and 3) he truly LOVES his career (he works in film) and I can't imagine he'd ever willingly give that up.

    He's such a great dad though: so patient and calm and funny... he puts me to shame at times when he and Emily are together on weekends.  I think he'd be a great SAHD but it's just not something that would ever be a reality and we both are really happy about that.  :)

    eclaire 9.10.06  diggy 6.2.11

  • Lurker working mom here... my DH has been a SAHD for 6 months.  First he was laid off but now it's actually more of a choice.  He does some freelance work from home in the evenings and some weekends and my job has stable health insurance, etc.  He does such a fabulous job with DD!  I think it's really helped both of us appreciate the other person more too.  It's not for everyone but it works well for us. 
  • My DH stays home as well and it's AWESOME! We decided we would like a parent to stay home if it was possible and I make double what he made.  It couldn't have been better. 
  • I would love that in the event I couldn't SAH, that it would be my husband with DD. While he may not have the skills right now to handle all that she could throw at him, I know he would learn quick and be a fabulous SAHD. Plus, he worked in the resturant business during college & law school, so he cooks really well! I know dinners would be a lot yummier if he were to make them.

    The chance of this ocurring though is slim to none as he makes 3 x's what I would make. I also know laundry, grocery shopping, & cleaning the house most likely wouldn't be done the same and that might be a problem for me (wink, wink). Overall though, if things were different and the option of DH becoming a SAHD was there, I think we'd jump on it.

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  • Way before we even started our family, DH and I decided that whomever was earning the most would continue to do so and the other would stay home with the children. So, he's the provider of funds, and I stay home with DD.

    There are some days that I couldn't even imagine what it would be like if roles were reversed! Sometimes DH seems to have less patience for the aggravating stuff that the baby does (the repetitive shouting of sounds or when she's really wiggly and uncooperative) but I think that can be chalked up to me being immune to it, staying home with her all day everyday. And yep, when I have to leave them alone all day I keep worrying if she's napped or eaten enough --not b/c I don't think DH is incapable of doing all that but b/c I'm so accustomed to it. If I were working and he was a SAHD, I think we'd each have the same concerns and worries that the other has now.. but I'd never think twice if it worked out that he'd be the one to stay home.

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