You can only "plan" a birth so much

kbud9

Hello,

Im not being insensitive butI think some women are overplanning/expecting. I have a horrible birth story that i wont share because i dont want to scare anyone, but nothing went the way i planned it. My friend also went into labor with a very specific plan. Nothing went according to plan. All I can say is try not to view epidurals, episiotomies and c-sections as the taboo evil that can never be. They are very often the best choice for many situations. NO birth can be prediced and planned 100%

Breezer80

I am fairly certain you don't ever "have" to have an epidural, and I think that most moms-to-be understand that sometimes a C-section is a necessity rather than a choice ...

Rachel&Joe

I agree!  Check out my post below: My birth "plan".

ksayles

I don't think it is unrealistic to have a plan. The idea is that those are your wishes. I have been talking to my MW about what my birth plan will be and it seems completely realistic to her. I think it is better to have an idea of what is most important to you, even if that is not what ends up happening.

IselaCid

Mine was not a prediction nor a plan...they were my PREFERENCES.  I believe women should have a preference for a day like the birth of their child and should not be looked down upon because they do. 

janice74

I think it is great to have a plan. ?I think it is bad to feel guilty and cheated if it doesn't go as planned. ?Keeping an open mind is good but if you go in with nothing, you are at the hospital's mercy. ?Fine for some, not for me.

thatgirlang

This is still going on?

LillyBug923

Breezer80:

I am fairly certain you don't ever "have" to have an epidural, and I think that most moms-to-be understand that sometimes a C-section is a necessity rather than a choice ...

Actually, a friend of mine was strongly advised by her OB (Same OB as me) to get an epidural because of her high BP. He said the epidural in some cases can help regulate BP and lead to a safer vag birth.

Evelynsmom

Well said.  Planning is okay as long as you can be flexable when needed.  My GF planned her L&D and when her labor stalled and the doctor decided on a c-section after many attempts to get her going again, my GF said she felt like she had failed.  It shouldn't matter how your baby comes into the world as long as every one is safe and sound in the end.

LillyBug923

thatgirlang:

This is still going on?

*sigh* yessss...

kbud9

"have to" is a subjective phrase but I have seen it make a world of difference for some people who are not progessing and give people the ability to quicken a labor safely. Can you live without one? Sure you can. But that doesnt mean it doesnt work wonders for some who would otherwise have an even worse experience.

JewelzNBean

The idea of a birth plan is more for yourself than anyone else.

With my first delivery, I had laid it all out very carefully on paper what exactly I wanted to happen and not happen. When we went on the hospital tour and pre-registered, they even had a birth plan form that we were to fill out which was perfect!

Fast forward to the day of delivery - did any of the nurses or doctors even peek at what they had requested be submitted? Heck no! Not a chance!

It is not at all a bad idea to educate yourself on what options they will give you, and what you feel that you want to do, but part of the plan just has to be being flexible and dealing with what comes up.

Lucky428

I agree 100%

My birth plan has four parts: 1, don't let my baby die, 2, don't let me die, 3, pain management please, and 4, I prefer a vaginal birth but however we get my kid here safely is fine with me

And I don't usually read birth stories unless the title is "quick birth!" because I'm a high anxiety person and I prefer to not think about it...

kbud9

Also, Im not saying you shouldnt be educated or have some preferences/plan, but I have seen some really rigid ones and I dont think that is realistic. If it works out exactly as you plan, more power to you, but birth is a very unpredictable and sometimes dangerous thing is all im trying to say

JCM083009

Breezer80:

I am fairly certain you don't ever "have" to have an epidural, and I think that most moms-to-be understand that sometimes a C-section is a necessity rather than a choice ...

People have different philosophies on birthing.  Just b/c someone leans very much one way doesn't mean they're crazy (like those of us are often made out to feel). Yes, bad things happen, butit's rarer than we're made to believe and sometimes CAUSED by starting interventions, drugs, etc. If a C section is the only way to get my baby out alive, then I'm all for it obviously, I odn't think anyone would disagree with that.  I just believe the cases for that are very rare and don't come up often when you have a different birthing philosphy to start with.  That said, I don't care what anyone else chooses and believe we all have the right to choose or at least try to choose what we feel is best without someone always starting something like this.  It's like "you just wait and see when it's you line" and it's not veyr nice. 

kristeljade

Mine didn't go as planned either, but I was still very glad I had a plan.  The staff was amazing at doing their best to follow what parts of the plan they could.  When things had to be done differently, they knew what I had wanted originally and were sensitive to that. 

Besides, having it all planned and on paper helps when all you need to be doing is getting through that next contraction.  You want to be answering as few questions as possible.  Trust me.

IselaCid

kbud9:

Also, Im not saying you shouldnt be educated or have some preferences/plan, but I have seen some really rigid ones and I dont think that is realistic. If it works out exactly as you plan, more power to you, but birth is a very unpredictable and sometimes dangerous thing is all im trying to say

That is totally common sense.  Just because one has a preference does not mean they are ignorant to different possibiliites.  What I don't understand is why so many people get so irritated and bothered by people having preferences for thier birth?  Of course things will go differently.  Did you even read the first paragraph of my plan?  Just because things may go differently does not mean one is not allowed to have an ideal plan.  Why does the way *I* (ei. anyone who has a natural birth plan) envision my birth bother so many of you so much??

kbud9

I dont think anything i have said is not nice. Ive just been through it before and have seen it before and have seen some people heartbroken that all of their expectations have not been met.

I am certainly not looking down on anyone and dont see where that impression came from. All Im saying is it might be healthier to be more open minded about certain things that can come up. And yes, in certain situations medical interventions are the best choice. Thats all. I wish everyone the best.

efortune

This topic can die now.

IselaCid

kbud9:

I dont think anything i have said is not nice. Ive just been through it before and have seen it before and have seen some people heartbroken that all of their expectations have not been met.

I am certainly not looking down on anyone and dont see where that impression came from. All Im saying is it might be healthier to be more open minded about certain things that can come up. And yes, in certain situations medical interventions are the best choice. Thats all. I wish everyone the best.

How do you know that one is not open minded because they have  preference?  Just because one has a preference does not mean that they are not aware of the way things could go...in fact quite the opposite.  Many of these woman have done tons and tons of research and know exactly what can happen.  Your post came across as incredibly condescending, it's common sense...please don't assume that those that want a natural birth don't have it. 

sgrl

Lucky428:

I agree 100%

My birth plan has four parts: 1, don't let my baby die, 2, don't let me die, 3, pain management please, and 4, I prefer a vaginal birth but however we get my kid here safely is fine with me

And I don't usually read birth stories unless the title is "quick birth!" because I'm a high anxiety person and I prefer to not think about it...

 

This is my kind of birth plan.

kbud9

IselaCid:

 Why does the way *I* (ei. anyone who has a natural birth plan) envision my birth bother so many of you so much??

Who said I was bothered? And why are you personalizing it so much? Its just a discussion.

JCM083009

kbud9:

I dont think anything i have said is not nice. Ive just been through it before and have seen it before and have seen some people heartbroken that all of their expectations have not been met.

I am certainly not looking down on anyone and dont see where that impression came from. All Im saying is it might be healthier to be more open minded about certain things that can come up. And yes, in certain situations medical interventions are the best choice. Thats all. I wish everyone the best.

Sorry, I didn't mean it to come off as just you.  It just seems like us natural birth advocates (even thought we fully know things can happen) always have to defend ourselves on here, esp lately. 

kbud9

 Your post came across as incredibly condescending, it's common sense...please don't assume that those that want a natural birth don't have it. 

 

I dont see that I was condescending. If you did then Im sorry but I still think you are reacting very harshly and defensively. And I agree with whoever said lets let the topic die. Jeesh

IselaCid

JCM083009:

kbud9:

I dont think anything i have said is not nice. Ive just been through it before and have seen it before and have seen some people heartbroken that all of their expectations have not been met.

I am certainly not looking down on anyone and dont see where that impression came from. All Im saying is it might be healthier to be more open minded about certain things that can come up. And yes, in certain situations medical interventions are the best choice. Thats all. I wish everyone the best.

Sorry, I didn't mean it to come off as just you.  It just seems like us natural birth advocates (even thought we fully know things can happen) always have to defend ourselves on here, esp lately. 

This. I'm just tired of the judgemental condescending comments about the desire to have a natural childbirth.

kbud9

IselaCid:

JCM083009:

kbud9:

I dont think anything i have said is not nice. Ive just been through it before and have seen it before and have seen some people heartbroken that all of their expectations have not been met.

I am certainly not looking down on anyone and dont see where that impression came from. All Im saying is it might be healthier to be more open minded about certain things that can come up. And yes, in certain situations medical interventions are the best choice. Thats all. I wish everyone the best.

Sorry, I didn't mean it to come off as just you.  It just seems like us natural birth advocates (even thought we fully know things can happen) always have to defend ourselves on here, esp lately. 

This. I'm just tired of the judgemental condescending comments about the desire to have a natural childbirth.

No Problem. I guess I can understand. I am on the other side of the fence. I am required to have c-sections since my first and sometimes I get snooty looks or comments by those who think all medical interventions are the worst thing that can possibly happen.

JCM083009

IselaCid:

JCM083009:

kbud9:

I dont think anything i have said is not nice. Ive just been through it before and have seen it before and have seen some people heartbroken that all of their expectations have not been met.

I am certainly not looking down on anyone and dont see where that impression came from. All Im saying is it might be healthier to be more open minded about certain things that can come up. And yes, in certain situations medical interventions are the best choice. Thats all. I wish everyone the best.

Sorry, I didn't mean it to come off as just you.  It just seems like us natural birth advocates (even thought we fully know things can happen) always have to defend ourselves on here, esp lately. 

This. I'm just tired of the judgemental condescending comments about the desire to have a natural childbirth.

I know, right. Can you imagine the shiit we'd take if we came on here and hounded people about PLANNING to have an epidural, pitocin, episiotomy, etc? I couldn't give a crap what others' choices are and it would be nice if my choices (while I know they can change, but it's rare that it's truly medically NEEDED) were respected as well. I think that's all anyone wants.