Could you live with a name you didn't absolutely love?

Pixiestx

When choosing DD's name I told DH that if we named her Teagan that he could get his first pick if we have another girl, since that was the name I was pushing.  I was really trying to convince him and didn't really mean it, but thought the chances of it actually being an issue were so slim.  He came around to my way of thinking but my big fear is that he is going to play that card if we have another girl.  I'm not sure I could agree to a name that I didn't love 100% but it seems normal for men to go along with what the mom wants quite often.

I should mention that although I had a big say in my DD's name, it wasn't my number one choice so it's not that I can't compromise.

DarcyLongfellow

I'm a big proponent of compromise.  I honestly feel that DH and I come to better decisions when we work it out and find something we both love.  So, I would never have made such a deal with DH because I wouldn't want him to not love our child's name.

If your DH "plays that card," I think he would be well within his rights.  You're the one who told him that he'd get to pick the next girl's name.  Now, he probably won't want to pick a name that you hate or anything, but he'll probably think (rightly) that his opinion should be weighed more heavily.

And I disagree that "it seems normal for men to go along with what the mom wants."  Maybe some men do, but certainly not all.  My DH most certainly does not, but I wouldn't want him to.  Only you know your husband though.  If he's used to letting you have your way, maybe he won't even mention your little deal.

MrsCFB

i don't think i could give my child a name that i didn't absolutely love.  i also wouldn't name my child something that my husband hated (so long as he likes it, may not love it, i'm okay).

AllThatGlitters101

If my husband loved a name (and it was decent) and I didn't love it, I would still consider it and if he really, really couldn't let it go, I would try to live with it.

EastCoastBride

I also disagree with " it seems normal for men to go along with what the mom wants quite often.", especially when it comes to the name selection.  That's a HUGE decision and I would hope that most men would want a say in what their child will be named.

My DH is actually the one who chose DS's name.  And most of my male friends had a VERY active role in choosing their kids' names. 

Pixiestx

MrsCFB:

i don't think i could give my child a name that i didn't absolutely love.  i also wouldn't name my child something that my husband hated (so long as he likes it, may not love it, i'm okay).

Right here is my point.  Doesn't it seem like you have a different standard for yourself and for your DH?   

 

We agreed on the name. I didn't demand it or anything, but it wasn't the name he really really wanted. Like I said though this wasn't the name that I really really wanted either.  Yep I said it so I know it could bite me in the ass but it also wasn't like it was the reason why he came around to her name.

DarcyLongfellow

Pixiestx:

MrsCFB:

i don't think i could give my child a name that i didn't absolutely love.  i also wouldn't name my child something that my husband hated (so long as he likes it, may not love it, i'm okay).

Right here is my point.  Doesn't it seem like you have a different standard for yourself and for your DH?   

I think maybe we're all sort of saying the same thing, but just expressing it differently.  I don't really see this as being different standards -- it's compromise.  I want both of us to love our child's name.

DH's #1 name -- the only one  he would even suggest -- was Lily (he was willing to name her Lillian and have Lily as the nickname).  Lily sounds truly awful with our last name, so I vetoed it.  DH asked for my top names -- I told him they were Elizabeth, Margaret, Katherine, and Abigail.  He hated Elizabeth, Margaret, and Katherine, but he liked Abigail.  So we're naming our daughter Abigail.  It wasn't either one of our top picks, but we both love the name.  And, even though I suggested it, I actually had to be sort of convinced by DH because he decided he absolutely loved it, whereas it had been my #4 choice.

So, would I agree on a name that wasn't my #1 choice?   Absolutely.  That's what compromise is.  Would I agree to a name I didn't love?  Nope.  And I wouldn't want DH to either.

Pixiestx

DarcyLongfellow:

So, would I agree on a name that wasn't my #1 choice?   Absolutely.  That's what compromise is.  Would I agree to a name I didn't love?  Nope.  And I wouldn't want DH to either.

Yes I totally agree, and I bugged him good and long to tell me if he really didn't love her name.  I was on the operating table asking him "are you sure?"

TxGal

I am in that exact situation right now. It is a bummer. He has a list and I am not a big fan of any of them. he is being sweet and told me to just pick a name but I promised, thinking #2 would be a boy- he he! Girls are so much harder. GL. I am in name hell right now. Due in 5 weeks with no name

smismar

I believe in compromise and equal veto power.  DH and I both had very specific criteria for names.  We had to find a name that would meet all the requirements that each of us wanted (the list was painfully long on both sides).  He, being the typical guy, had very little interest in wading through the name books and websites and lists.  But since I knew the general idea of what he would deem acceptable and what he wouldn't, I did 99% of the legwork and gave him a list of name options I would entertain.  From there, he crossed off the ones he didn't like leaving a small pool of names to choose from.

The name we've settled on was not my first choice. I doubt it was his either.  But it fit all of our various criteria and we were getting fairly tired of looking.  It works for us and as my due date gets closer and I think about the baby more and more as "Sylvia" it is growing on me and I think I will come to love it when I associate it with my baby.

LMS05

To answer your question, no. I love a lot of names that Dh loves so thankfully it hasn't been too much of an issue. If he really wanted to name our son Rudolph (an example), I couldn't do it. It would bother me every time I said the name. Dh is the same way with a lot of names I like. I wouldn't want to name my child a name that I or he just had to "live with".?

jlynnr87

I think you both have to love it. I kept fighting for names that he didn't love, so I kept searching, and that's when we found our name... Compromise is definitely key - We picked a first name we both absolutely loved, and the middle name is after my grandma who passed away - if or when we have another baby, Jack will somehow be in the name after his grandpa... That was our compromise... However, the first name will still be one we both agree on and love. I think it's fair of your DH to argue that he is supposed to get to pick though.. He kept his end of the deal, it's only fair that you keep yours! GL!

berryblndgirl

I could live with a name that I don't love, but not one I didn't like.

dairygirl19

As long as I absolutely don't despise it and can live with it...I'm okay with it.

Dh is so so on all of my name choices except Autumn. He loves Delaney. Not my most favorite name, but it's cute and I could deal if that's what his heart is set on!

SeaStar430

No, I would never make that agreement and I would never expect my DH to go with a name he didn't love either.

soon-to-beamrs

I had the opposite deal with my husband.  We absolutely couldn't agree on a name.  Finally I agreed to name our DS the name he LOVED, which I didn't love at all, and I would get to choose all future kids' names.  I agreed to it because I knew the name was ok (most people like it but it's not what I would have picked on my own) and I didn't want to end up with a name that neither of us loved, especially for all kids. 

I'm definitely planning to have the upper hand on our next child's name and choose a name I LOVE.  However, I don't think I could name him/her something my husband hated so I will take his opinions into consideration.  I'm sure your husband will do the same for you.

ashleycharee

My parents did that -- my mom chose my name and dad chose my little sister's name.  It was a name that mom didn't love, but also didn't hate, and it grew on her throughout the pregnancy and by the time she met my little sis she says she loved it and it was perfect.