S/o--- If you are upset at YH, do you withhold sex?

r9stedt

.

shopgirl78

if I am POed at him, he ain't hittin' this! ?: )

DandR

absolutely..why would I have sex if I'm not happy about something.

 

aprilmomtobe

it's not that I withold sex as a punishment or something, but if I'm upset, I'm simply not in the mood for sex.  It's not like I'm saying "I'll show him" haha

jessicaclare

I don't think "I'm going to punish him and not have sex with him", but if he's pissing me off, I'm not usually in the mood.

katie277s

DandR:

absolutely..why would I have sex if I'm not happy about something.

 

Ditto.  Why give him something he wants if he upset/pissed me off? 

Jodi&Joe

Absolutely.

asianbymarriage

aprilmomtobe:

it's not that I withold sex as a punishment or something, but if I'm upset, I'm simply not in the mood for sex.  It's not like I'm saying "I'll show him" haha

Ditto this - it's not purposeful, it's just a consequence of arguing. I'm not in the mood to have sex with someone I'm upset with.

lizlemon77

He knows better than to even approach me for sex if I'm pissed at him.  But I'll add to that and say that neither one of us likes to go to bed angry so usually we've made up by bedtime and then it's just make up sex.

kittycarr

I do and anyone else who does too kind of can't really say anything bad about mamarazzi's friend who allows her husband to make her pay with sex for material possessions.  That didn't come out right but you know what I"m getting at.

Same thing kind of or no??

r9stedt

kittycarr:

I do and anyone else who does too kind of can't really say anything bad about mamarazzi's friend who allows her husband to make her pay with sex for material possessions.? That didn't come out right but you know what I"m getting at.

Same thing kind of or no??

Exaaaaaactly.

femmegem

Usually when I'm peeved at him, he's also not happy with me. Neither of us want to have sex when that's going on.

ETA: Just to reiterate what some others said, it's not a spite thing. It's just that neither of us is really in the mood when we're upset with each other.

tammy79

I agree with Aprilmomtobe. I'm not in the mood for sex if I'm upset.

DandR

r9stedt:

kittycarr:

I do and anyone else who does too kind of can't really say anything bad about mamarazzi's friend who allows her husband to make her pay with sex for material possessions.  That didn't come out right but you know what I"m getting at.

Same thing kind of or no??

Exaaaaaactly.

what??? how is it the same????  or remotely the same????

shopgirl78

DandR:

r9stedt:

kittycarr:

I do and anyone else who does too kind of can't really say anything bad about mamarazzi's friend who allows her husband to make her pay with sex for material possessions.? That didn't come out right but you know what I"m getting at.

Same thing kind of or no??

Exaaaaaactly.

what??? how is it the same????? or remotely the same????

I don't get the correlation either. ??

kittycarr

It seems to be the same thing to me.  I asked same thing or no so explain to me how it is not.  I doubt we would even agree on it only because you think that particular couple is effed up for doing what they do, I don't see anything wrong with it.  The fact that he is controlling could indicate a problem, true, but in what aspects is he controlling? 

kittycarr

shopgirl, this is how I translated your answer....an example can be this...

DH came home and showed me what he just spent a ton of money on when it's not a horrible time but not a great time either.  I'm pissed off, he ain't gettin' laid tonight.

mamarazzi's friends example scenario...

Honey, I found this great dress and shoes, I want it.  

Alright, give me a piece of ass and I'll even throw you in some extra cash for a matching purse.

..............

I don't see how they are different.

DandR

so you are saying because I chose not to connect with my DH physically when I am mad at him, I'm "controlling" the situation, the same as the chick "controlling" the money with her pvssy?

I would say that people who DO have sex when they are mad at their DH are MORE like the chick in mamarazzi's example vs those who do not have sex if they are mad.

We all have sex because we "get" something from it.  I get that part.  I get pleasure from it..so does DH.  But that doesn't mean I have sex with anyone who I want to "get" something from them....aka sex with my boss for a promotion (which would be weird since we are both straight females)....And I think that when stipulations are put on sex as in "no cash until you do me." it changes what the sex is about.  Its no longer about the intimacy and pleasure and sharing with your DH...its about the money and that's not healthy.

Just the same...if I"m not happy with my DH, why would I let him use my body for HIS pleasure...because I doubt I would recieve any pleasure from sex with him if I'm pissed off.  It makes no sense.

Two totally different things....totally.

EXL311

aprilmomtobe:

it's not that I withold sex as a punishment or something, but if I'm upset, I'm simply not in the mood for sex.  It's not like I'm saying "I'll show him" haha

Ditto.  I have to be in the mood and I'm upset with DH I'm just not.

Jodi&Joe

If you are saying it's not out of spite, then no, it is not the same thing.

However I think what Kitty is getting at is that in both scenarios, sex is being used as a bargaining tool.  I don't think that is all that uncommon, or sad actually.

We use a lot of things as bargaining tools in our house "You cook dinner and I'll wash the dishes!" 

"If you mow the lawn, I'll pick up the dog poop!"  (ok, not that one because my poor sucker husband does both.  Then again, he usually gets laid for it!) 

shopgirl78

I said its weird but if they are just getting off on it, I don't care. ?Might add some fun for them, might be part of a whole little fantasy for them...FINE with me. ?If its not for purposes ?fantasy, it does seem a little off, whatever....I don't care what happens in other adults bedroomsMaybe I don't get it because I am rarely mad at DH about money...I don't get pissed if he spends $$ on something; likewise the same, he doesn't get mad at me for spending money-- we don't agree with what each other buys but its not about the money...perhaps why we keep our own money and then "our" ?Money...when I am POed at him, its because he is being a jerk...usually him being snappy at me which puts me NOT in the mood for sex. ???but still how is it the same if you are mad at DH and not putting out

kittycarr

Paragraph 1 - yes I see it that being the same type of situation.  If your DH was expecting or wanted a piece of ass that night, you are mad for whatever reason, so you are cutting him off therefore controlling the sex situation for that evening.  No I do not expect you to have sex with him if you are mad at him, no one should if both parties don't want to.  Point is, the husband is controlling how often he gets laid by controlling the finances and she's using her p*ssy to take advantage of the situation.  It's one of two things with them, either a very healthy, happy couple with an unusual satisfyingly sexual relationship or they'll be divorced in the  near future.

kittycarr

Jodi&Joe:

If you are saying it's not out of spite, then no, it is not the same thing.

However I think what Kitty is getting at is that in both scenarios, sex is being used as a bargaining tool.  I don't think that is all that uncommon, or sad actually.

We use a lot of things as bargaining tools in our house "You cook dinner and I'll wash the dishes!" 

"If you mow the lawn, I'll pick up the dog poop!"  (ok, not that one because my poor sucker husband does both.  Then again, he usually gets laid for it!) 

You nailed it!

gracendantho26

I don't not have sex with him when he's pissing me off as a deliberate attempt to "withold" it from him. I don't do it because if I'm mad at him I don't want to hang out with him much less hop into bed with him.

I only have sex when I want to. Period. Luckily for DH that's regularly.

DandR

gracendantho26:

I don't not have sex with him when he's pissing me off as a deliberate attempt to "withold" it from him. I don't do it because if I'm mad at him I don't want to hang out with him much less hop into bed with him.

I only have sex when I want to. Period. Luckily for DH that's regularly.

this.

Jen2004

shopgirl78:

if I am POed at him, he ain't hittin' this!  : )

r9stedt

kittycarr:

Jodi&Joe:

If you are saying it's not out of spite, then no, it is not the same thing.

However I think what Kitty is getting at is that in both scenarios, sex is being used as a bargaining tool.? I don't think that is all that uncommon, or sad actually.

We use a lot of things as bargaining tools in our house "You cook dinner and I'll wash the dishes!"?

"If you mow the lawn, I'll pick up the dog poop!"? (ok, not that one because my poor sucker husband does both.? Then again, he usually gets laid for it!)?

You nailed it!

Exactly. I was distracted to come back. ?

kellygirl0515

Damn skippy.  If momma isn't happy... no one is happy including DH and his 'needs'.  If he pissed me off bad enough I can't get past the feeling to be romantic and give it up.  We've got the power of the p---y :-)