FFFC related: So I judged a fellow Mom today.

Fordlor

I went to a New Mom Meeting at the hospital where I delivered DD.  Every month they have a meeting for new Mom's to get together and talk.  You bring your baby and just share tips and tricks, etc.  It's been a very valuable resource to me since DD was born. 

Three other Moms were there today.  One had a four week old, another had a 12 week old and one had a 5.5 month old.  The Mom that had the 5.5 month old kept going on and on about Baby Wise, CIO and getting her daughter on a schedule.  So I asked her when she started doing those things.  She said at six weeks.  My jaw about dropped to the floor. 

I'm not anti-CIO.  I did the Ferber method at seven months.  It worked for us.  But holy sh*t, at SIX WEEKS.  Wow! 

She kept talking about the pros of doing it (Baby Wise) that young to the other Moms.  So I started to worry that they would actually listen to her and try it.  So I spoke up about my feelings on the subject and recommended the book The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and the Ferber book.  I also stressed that I didn't feel comfortable doing it any younger than when we did. 

Oh and get this, her husband was the one that read Baby Wise.  She didn't even read it.  She was going off of what he said the book said. 

While we were there, her daughter started getting really fussy.  She looked at the clock and said "oh you still have 30 minutes til your next feeding."

Yes, I judged her.  Flame me if you must.

kgb1411

wow.  doesn't she have the hormones and mom brain that I do when my baby cries?  I can let him cry for a few minutes if he needs to to sleep, but I certainly can't carry on a conversation during it. 

caroline:)

I'm not going to flame you. I judge anyone who makes uneducated decisions regarding their children. Especially if it's potentially harmful for them. ::shrugs:: I might not make a sandwich board about it, but you can bet if a discussion took place I would give my opinion.

Tinsleigh75

i don't get the whole schedule thing. ?my SIL does the same thing and constantly makes comments to me about how my DS doesn't nap on a proper schedule. ?the kid naps when he's tired and eats when he's hungry. ?if he only naps once today because he just isn't tired, so be it. ?and if we have plans in the middle of "nap time" we go and do what we we were planning. ?i am pretty sure i am not causing permanent damage.

since my niece was out of the NICU she's had her on a "schedule." ?the other day we were at her house and she was crying around 8:45 AM and rubbing her eyes. ?my SIL was like, "no, addison, nap time's at 9:30." ?really? ?if the kid is tired, put her down! ?she also did CIO starting at 3 months (meanwhile, my niece was 8 weeks early, so she was really about a month old at the time). ?all in the name of a "schedule." ?i don't get it.

and i don't think i would be quite as?judgmental?about it if she didn't constantly make snide comments about how lucas isn't on a schedule. ?just like this woman trying to "push" this on other mothers. ?keep your damn opinions to yourself lady!

brandonsfuturewife07

Fordlor:

While we were there, her daughter started getting really fussy.  She looked at the clock and said "oh you still have 30 minutes til your next feeding."

  that makes me so sad. 

Kaybee44

It also makes me sad. I know a woman in my local moms group who did Ferber with her 2 month old. I have nothing against Ferber...at the right age. I had to bite my tongue so bad not to say something about her doing it too young. I'm not even sure if she read the book. I say that mostly because she didn't seem aware of the fact that 2 months is suggested as too young by the man himself, Ferber

melissab07

I have a friend like this.  She also has kids now 11 months apart. Her first she had on a schedule since 8 weeks.  That is great that she could do it, but there were times I felt the same where she was like "you have ___min till you can eat again".  I never said anything to her because I don't want to tell her how to parent her kids....but it upset me because I know she let him CIO from about 5-6 weeks.  Now her 2nd is about 6 weeks and she was complaining that "this one just isn't going to be like the first and sleep through the night".  Ok 6 weeks is kind of early to worry about that.  Sure I would love if DS was STTN right now....but I also didn't have the heart to let him CIO at that young of an age.  I guess to each their own....but I could never do it.  I agree that I kind of lived by when he was tired he slept and when he was hungry he ate!

Vinny08

I don't really understand discussing CIO and a schedule as one topic.  My baby works very well on a schedule.  We have worked with one since he was very young.  Granted it is flexible and we always wait for his indications that he is tired or hungry.  But we have a specific feeding schedule and we certainly had it in place when he was 5.5 months.  If he starts getting fussy a half an hour before his feeding, we do try to push him.  If he is just too grumpy, we make it early, but it also could be an indication that he may need a little nap.

I still can't bring myself to hear him cry for more than a minute, so I just am not seeing the connection between CIO and schedules.  Perhaps I am misreading something here.

saragus

My SIL also did babywise from a young age for all 3 kids.  What really ticked me off was she told us to "give her two nights" with our DD (who doesn't STTN) and she would be sleeping.  Like her way is guaranteed, and she's better than us. 

 

SIL also has a sham of a marriage, but that's another story.

Myheart1297

wow, honestly, I would have judged too and probably would have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut! I feel really bad for her child!

Vinny08

By the way, Kaybee, that mural is sweet and the picture of your DS is awesome!

Kaybee44

Vinny08:

By the way, Kaybee, that mural is sweet and the picture of your DS is awesome!

Thanks Vinny. Your DS is adorable

missbeezers

I have to admit, I had a parent really try to sell me on CIO/Baby Wise and I just politely told them I didn't think that style would work for me.  They suggested I get Story going as young as I could to "train" her, but me and DH weren't comfortable with it.  My thoughts on CIO are that if they work for other people, fine, but it just isn't my bag.

I try not to get too bent out of shape about what other moms do.  I know that at baby groups, people sometimes go off on their own dogma b/c they really want to help people and share what worked for them.  So, I think it's good you offered a counter idea for them.

And that "oh you have 30 minutes til your next feeding" thing would drive me a bit crazy.  How is it fair to go, "uh, I know you're hungry... but TOO BAD!"  Meh, I guess if it works for her, good... but not me!

LaRuaJen

I would have judged her too.  That girl sounds crazy.  I don't understand how anyone can hear their baby cry and not do something about it.  My baby crying = something wrong with my baby.  That could be something small or big.  There could be a million reasons why your child is hungry off of his/her schedule.  I'm sorry but your job as a mom is to make sure your child feels secure and safe and FULL and happy! 

IMHO

mary5198

I totallly would have judged.

memclar

I would have judged too. My BFF's SIL wrote on her blog about letting her 1 week old DD CIO because it was "nap time". I wrote a not too nice response (the word neglect might have popped up) to the entry. Now my BFF won't return my calls, but I could not in good conscience not say anything.

carrann82

I would have judged too.

smash_effect

I get irritated at ANY style of parenting being preached as "the way" to do it. Each parent can make their own decisions about how they raise their LO. I did Babywise when my son was young, but more for the schedule part of it, not for the CIO part of it. There have most definitely been several situations where we did let him CIO, but it's just not necessary anymore. I liked parts of that book and my son really thrived on a schedule but we never made him wait if he was hungry or stay up if he was tired. That's just nuts. I would say I'm in the "non-crazy" Babywise group.?