s/o DH feeling like a roommate

Nelliep32507

DH told me the other day that he's not comfortable anywhere. We just got back from Iowa (his hometown, dad, friends, family, etc) and he said he really wants to go back. Said he was uncomfortable here. Then I was showing him an invite to a Bday party for a friend July 11 (they plan ahead apparently). He say's "we'll be there" and I was going to say... "as long as baby #2 has come anyway ((Due july 4))" and I barely got "as long...." out and he cut me off and said- "would you just calm the F down...??!!? Dammn it. just calm down for ONE second..." I was totally shocked and said, "first don't talk to me like that and second what did I do?" He said, see that's why I'm uncomfortable here. I just don't feel wanted. and he totally flipped out. I don't know if it's a bad case of "homesickness" or what but wow. Like I said in the prev post... I'm 6 mo preg... working 40 hours a week.. taking care of a 10 1/2 mo old.. i'm sorry i don't rip my clothes off the second you walk in. (it all stems back to no sex which is lame because we do it at least once a week). and because i'm preg i'm going to go keep myself from crying now.

destea1

The "I'm not wanted" thing is definitely prevalent. I wish men could know what it's like to give birth and full time care to a busy, non-sleeping infant day in and out (and be pregnant, in your case). We spend all day every day literally giving of ourselves... it's hard to not want to just curl up and breath for an hour or two alone and not be ravaged every day.

I'm sorry hun.

Echowysp

I have told dh a few times that I just feel all touched out by the end of the day.  I just don't want to be grabbed at or groped.  Which shocks me in a way because I used to think women were lame for complaining that their husbands wanted to have sex with them.  Now I get it. It's not that they don't love their dh's.. it's that they really only can stand so much physical stuff in one day.

 

AnnetteWalker

I went to a class here in my area after I had my baby and we talked about the changes in our relationships regarding sex and how men and women differ after the birth of their child.  The leader used the term "touched out" as in caring for a baby all day or working all day then coming home and doing all the home stuff by the end of the day you feel like you don't want to be touched at all. Most Mom's don't have a lot of sex drive because they just want some time to not have a baby attached to them. I told my DH about this and opened up about how I feel at the end of the day and it has helped with him understanding how I feel and what I need as well as what he feels and needs.

 

punkfiction

talk to him about it - like pp said. i have told dh at night before "omg sit over there bc i cannot have 1 more min of someone hanging on me" - he laughed and understood that i spent the entire day carrying/laying with/etc another body. but in the same sense, whoever said things are bad for marriages after a baby (another thread) can be true - bc men can feel "left out' or "replaced". make him feel as if you need him. your wants and needs are not 100x more important than his. give in sometimes. have sex when you aren't 100% in the mood - whats it going to hurt?

Nelliep32507

punkfiction:

your wants and needs are not 100x more important than his. give in sometimes. have sex when you aren't 100% in the mood - whats it going to hurt?

believe me that's the only time we do it. I'm never in the mood.. although there are a few time's that i've started the sex and funny thing is... later on he wants MORE and says we never do it. UMM HELLO??!??!! WTFabout this morning? it's never enough even when I do try so I do get burned out about it.

Amya

You poor thing!  I hope everything gets better for you.  **HUGS*