So I THOUGHT MIL and I had a good relationship... LONG

BlessedMommy723

Back story: DH moved to FL three months before me because he got a job and I had to finish my classes in order to graduate with my BA. I moved to FL on Oct. 5, 2007 and got pregnant Oct. 23, 2007.

Anyway... I had to fly to Ohio for a family emergency on Tuesday, so DD and I have been gone for a few days. MIL called DH and was talking to him and asked him if he ever wondered whether or not DD was his since I conveniently got pregnant just after moving to FL. She said that she could tell when DD was born (she was in the room as was my mom) that DH was "looking her over and trying to see if she was his or not" and she also said that she could tell "DH didn't bond with DD for about a month because he was thinking this."

Well... DH has NEVER ONCE thought DD wasn't his. Just because we lived apart for 3 months (and we saw each other 4 times during that stretch) doesn't mean that I went out and cheated on him.

I'm livid... and hurt. I can't believe that she would even bring that up to DH. Then she goes on to play the victim and swears to him up and down that she doesn't have any questions about whether or not DD is his... she was just wondering what he thought. Well... obviously she HAS thought about it. She does nothing without having a reason. And she likes to start trouble btw people.

Anyway... the worst thing is that my dad's wife was just diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer and it's small cell cancer, which I guess is really dangerous b/c it spreads so quickly and they usually don't find it until it's too late. My family is a wreck and I'm really upset. Now she pulls this crap and then tells DH not to tell me she asked. Uhh... we are married and we communicate very well TYVM.

She is currently staying with us right now too.... the last thing I want to do is go home from this horrible week and deal with her.

If you got this far... thanks. I just needed to get this off my chest and telling you all seemed better than talking to my mom considering she is coming down to visit next week and I'm pretty sure she would just knock MIL out if I told her what MIL said.

~AllSmiles~

That is horrible... I am SO sorry. If your DH has never questioned it and blew off his mom's incredibly rude comments, then you DO have a good relationship. Don't let your b*tch of an MIL make you question that. If I were you, I would try to forget what she said, but I would probably never really forgive her and have a good relationship with her... I just wouldn't be able to open my heart to a person who could think things like that about me.

lpennie16

Ugh, what a b!tch.

As for your DH looking over your DD when she was born, I think all men do that. I know my DH looked at DS to make sure he had all arms and legs, fingers and toes and I think also men do like to see a resemblance to themselves. I also think that in general, men take longer to bond than women do b/c we have carried said baby for 10 months...

Sounds like she wants attention. I would just ignore stupid comments she makes.

mamamoos

wow. that takes A LOT of nerve.  i would seriously tell her to be out of my house when i get back -- if she has no respect for mine and DH's relationship, there is no way i would have her staying under the same roof.

has your DH called her out on how inappropriate her comments were?

i'm hurt and livid for you!

abonner11

What did DH say when she asked him that? my Dh probably would have responded with "are you f'cking nuts?"

 Im sorry she said that and Im sorry to hear about your dads wife. I hope things get better.

IckyThump

Um, I don't even know you and I want to knock your MIL out. What a biitch. I can't believe you're even allowing her to stay with you!

BlessedMommy723

He told her she was out of line and not to talk about me like that. But I know the damage is probably already done because I'm sure she has been running her mouth to everyone in DH's family about me. Probably did when we announced I was prego... so now I feel like everyone in DH's family has been secretly talking about me and wondering if I cheated on him behind my back.

 

We will not be friends anymore. I just am not sure I can forget about this... I will forgive her because that's just who I am and I believe that if you don't forgive then it will just fester inside of you... but I definately will not be good buddies with her anymore. To me... that is just crossing the line and I'm not sure how you can go back to being good friends with someone who is saying things like that.

mabst196

What a beotch!

jlb7640

I would be livid too.  I would tell DH to tell his mother that she better not be there when I get home.

Sounds like my dad's mom.  My dad asked when I was born asked the nurse what my blood type was.  My grandmother heard him ask that and thought it was because he was trying to tell if I was his.  It is hilarious since I look so much like my dad.

Then, years later my grandmother came to visit and my dad had to work late at the office.  My grandmother asked my mom if she thought he was having an affair in front of my ten year-old sister.

 

leighbird4

My jaw dropped when I read this! How downright ignorant of her to make a suggestion or accusation like this! I'd be livid.  Tell her to mind her own business and don't let it get in the middle your relationship with your DH or DC.  That's horrible! Did she ever stop to think that maybe your DH was "looking her over" because he was amazed that he was now a proud father to such a beatiful little baby?

14years

I do not say this lightly: I do not think I would ever be able to forgive her for that.  That is disgusting.  Absolutely disgusting.  I wish your DH hadn't told you that.

I am not sure how I would get through the weekend with her.  Make some other plans and be out of the house and away from her as much as you can.  Don't start World War III, but you don't have to be friendly and act as nothing happened.  If you want, down the road, you can talk with her about what she said and how much it hurt you, but you don't have to do that now.

Also, as hard as it is, don't worry about what she may or may not have said to anyone else in the family.  You'll probably never know for sure, and other family members probably thought any comments she made to them were just as reprehensible as everyone here does.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this!

BlessedMommy723

leighbird4:

My jaw dropped when I read this! How downright ignorant of her to make a suggestion or accusation like this! I'd be livid.  Tell her to mind her own business and don't let it get in the middle your relationship with your DH or DC.  That's horrible! Did she ever stop to think that maybe your DH was "looking her over" because he was amazed that he was now a proud father to such a beatiful little baby?

She just likes to start trouble btw people. Usually she focuses on SIL and her boyfriend. Looks like it's my turn now.

Also, the fact that she thinks DH didn't bond with DD at first is ridiculous. DH had to work... but as soon as he got home it was Daddy and Baby time. They have a great relationship and are both crazy about each other. It has been like this since the beginning.

BlessedMommy723

14years:

I do not say this lightly: I do not think I would ever be able to forgive her for that.  That is disgusting.  Absolutely disgusting.  I wish your DH hadn't told you that.

I am not sure how I would get through the weekend with her.  Make some other plans and be out of the house and away from her as much as you can.  Don't start World War III, but you don't have to be friendly and act as nothing happened.  If you want, down the road, you can talk with her about what she said and how much it hurt you, but you don't have to do that now.

Also, as hard as it is, don't worry about what she may or may not have said to anyone else in the family.  You'll probably never know for sure, and other family members probably thought any comments she made to them were just as reprehensible as everyone here does.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this!

Thanks for the advice about getting out this weekend... but she is staying with us for a while. She has moved in on a temporary basis because his parents got divorced. She works one week on and one week off and couldn't afford to get her own place right now. She pays us a small amount of rent each month... but she lives with us right now.

stephm0188

Well, she kind of has a point. I didn't bond with Adam for a month or so, and I really have doubts about whether or not he's my baby.

I'm sorry she's sucking! And you are FAR nicer than I could be in that situation.... she'd be packing her bags if she made that kind of accusation.

14years

BlessedMommy723:

14years:

I do not say this lightly: I do not think I would ever be able to forgive her for that.  That is disgusting.  Absolutely disgusting.  I wish your DH hadn't told you that.

I am not sure how I would get through the weekend with her.  Make some other plans and be out of the house and away from her as much as you can.  Don't start World War III, but you don't have to be friendly and act as nothing happened.  If you want, down the road, you can talk with her about what she said and how much it hurt you, but you don't have to do that now.

Also, as hard as it is, don't worry about what she may or may not have said to anyone else in the family.  You'll probably never know for sure, and other family members probably thought any comments she made to them were just as reprehensible as everyone here does.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this!

Thanks for the advice about getting out this weekend... but she is staying with us for a while. She has moved in on a temporary basis because his parents got divorced. She works one week on and one week off and couldn't afford to get her own place right now. She pays us a small amount of rent each month... but she lives with us right now.

Oh. My. Gosh.  That is going to be so hard, I didn't realize that!  Wow.  I wish you the best of luck dealing with that.  Wow.

Cytina

I have to say - there is not a chance in hell that woman would be welcome in my home.  Ever.

crazytmogirl

Anyone who would question my morals and values like that, and assume that I cheated on my DH would not be welcome in my home. Anyone who assumed I got knocked up by someone else and passed the child off as my husbands would not be welcomed in my home Anyone who said what your MIL said would be out on the streets. She needs to GO! Since she works one week on/one week off, she can get a second job on the off weeks or she can get a roommate. She needs to GTFO.

bostonfingerlakes07

Wow.

Even if she had these doubts she had no right to say them out loud.

And having these doubts seems ridiculous and I'd be seriously hurt if I were you.

clarice928

BlessedMommy723:

Thanks for the advice about getting out this weekend... but she is staying with us for a while. She has moved in on a temporary basis because his parents got divorced. She works one week on and one week off and couldn't afford to get her own place right now. She pays us a small amount of rent each month... but she lives with us right now.

Oh, hell no.  I know this is easy for me to say as I'm not in this situation, but she needs to find someplace else to stay.  To live in your house, and say something like that to your DH??????  F*** that.  She can stay in one of those hotels where you pay by the week, with another relative, anywhere else.  Just my opinion.

litzo27

Crossing the line?? She's so far beyond the line she has no idea the line even exists. I'm super impressed with your DH for telling you though - it looks like you do have a very good relationship and I'd certainly want to know something like that if only to treat her how she deserves to be treated and to avoid confiding in her about anything. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this on top of the much more important family concerns. Just ignore her and I'd also limit her time with your DD. She certainly doesn't sound like a grandma a kid would need.

p.s. and if you're able to forgive her you're a bigger person than I am. 

littleittybitty

clarice928:

BlessedMommy723:

Thanks for the advice about getting out this weekend... but she is staying with us for a while. She has moved in on a temporary basis because his parents got divorced. She works one week on and one week off and couldn't afford to get her own place right now. She pays us a small amount of rent each month... but she lives with us right now.

Oh, hell no.  I know this is easy for me to say as I'm not in this situation, but she needs to find someplace else to stay.  To live in your house, and say something like that to your DH??????  F*** that.  She can stay in one of those hotels where you pay by the week, with another relative, anywhere else.  Just my opinion.

I agree - I am so sorry you are dealing with this but this woman needs to be booted out. She obviously has no common sense and no respect for you. I am sure she is dealing with a lot going through a divorce but she's an adult. Bringing added stress to your family is NOT okay.

inbetweendreams

I'd like to think I'm the kind of person that could forgive, but I'm pretty sure she'd be on my sh*t list forever. Anyone who questioned my character like that would not be welcome in my home. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, but she needs to be put in her place.

Bearbride05

I agree with crazytmogirl. There is no way that someone who insinuated such a thing would be welcome in my home. Unforgiveable. I would get a paternity test done and then toss the results in her face as I kick her butt out my door!

Amya

How awful!!  What a horrible MIL.  I can't imagine having to live with someone who would think such horrible things.  Your dh better set her straight.  GL!

MzAthena

I hate to say this but welcome to my club! I had a good relationship with my MIL but at the drop of a dime she was saying things about me and of course DH told me.  We have never been the same since and even got into alittle dispute!

Try not to knock her a$$ out! I know its hard on your part because you don't wanna seem like you know what she said so it won't cause tension between him and her-bite your tongue, but if it starts bleeding- let her have it!!