Trying to limit family comparisons...

Heather1979

As I was growing up I was constantly compared to a cousin who was a year older than me on my dad's side of the family, and not only was it annoying to me, but I know my mom hated every family gathering because people would be hounding her one way or another about who walked first, who talked first, etc. And I can say most people who were saying things were asshats about things (it was rarely a positive comparison).

I realize there's not much I can do to control other people's actions, but I am afraid this will happen in DH's family, as our niece (DH's brother's child) will be close to one year old when our little one is born.

The reason I am thinking this will happen is already I've heard many, MANY comments comparing how I'm showing vs SIL, etc.

I almost hope it's a boy so that would diffuse some comparisons... I don't mind comparisons as long as it's not negative/breeds competition with my future children.

Has anyone been in this situation? What helps/doesn't help? Does it really just come down to throat punching people?

Jessie0706

This hasn't happened to me, personally, but I think that this very well could... My SIL is about 7 weeks more pregnant than me so our babies are going to be about that much apart.... Great. GL with everything! I wish I had more. Just wanted to share you're likely not going to be alone!

sara_smile

I was compared to a cousin also, but fortunately it fazed itself out when we got into school, because she was a year ahead of me and in a different school district.

What was really bad was my brother being compared to a cousin that was only 6 months older than him. It was always: Zack has done this, has Joe? Oh, Joe hasn't been through this? Don't worry he will. Now that they're older, the family is asking, why aren't Zack and Joe better friends? Duh!

I think what helped was my mom being very supportive of my brother (the younger, "compared" one). She was very honest with him, and told him that even though the family acted like since they were so close in age, they needed to live their lives the same, it wasn't true. She told us all the time how unique and talented we were and that we didn't have to live up to anyone's expectations except our own.

Hope that helps!

bostonfingerlakes07

I could write the book on family comparisons...

I have a nephew 18 months older than DS and 1 niece born the SAME DAY as DS and another born 20 days later.  Not only were me, my sister and SIL all pregnant at the same time and due within days of eachother (which was constant comparison from my parents and them), but now the babies are constantly compared and it drives me insane!  I actually got into a huge fight with my sister over Christmas because she was complaining about her child being a bad sleeper and how it's not fair I have the easy baby...but the truth is my baby comes with plenty of problems (has some major medical issues that has put us in the hospital a few times)...we just don't complain about it the way she does (maybe we knew what we were getting into?  babies are a lot of work!) so I got furious with her and actually came out saying to everyone I'm sick of the comparisons!

So anyways, it's not the best way to deal, but I've just tuned a lot of it out.  My Mom is the worst, especially since I'm 6 hours away and all if I tell her DS is doing something I have to have it compared to all of the other babies.  It might just be me being a brat because it makes DS seem so unspecial...who knows, but we've come to the conclusion that what is important right now is DS, DH and I (and the new baby) and who cares about anyone else.