Poll - Happy v Unhappy BF
Phantomgirl
member
It truly amazes me sometimes how bad things are in some BF's.
Over all I have to say that I have it pretty good. SS is a happy content boy, doing well in school (when not talking lol). He loves being at our house as much as BMs. BM and SO get along and communicate well thank god (It was not always like this). I am happy with the situation and truly enjoy having a SS.
On a scale of 1 : 10 (with 1 being a very negative experience and 10 a truly positive experience) I would rate my experience TODAY as being at 7.5.
I feel that if we had more time with SS it would improve. We only get Wed and EOW (1 night) so 3 nights out of 14. We are currently trying to increase that and I think it will really help as us to feel more like a family unit with our own traditions and routines etc. It also might encourage BM to entrust me with him a little more.
Where on the scale would you rate yourselves? And what are the reasons (good & bad)?
Re: Poll - Happy v Unhappy BF
mmmmhhhh, maybe a 3. Overall, not a great experience. I would not trade it, but not so great.
Humm... I guess I would put a 5. If we lived closer to my SD or if she was more involved in our life I think that it could go either way. We used to have her a lot more often, but she is now a teen and doesnt want to leave her friends/miss out on summer vacations with her moms family/etc. I think that if she lived down here with us - it could be good but I would expect worse before better (she has NO rules, expectations, etc.)
So I say a 5 because I think that it could be better but could also be worse...
It used to be good... I'd say about a 7.5 maybe an 8. But ever since BM started dating the new bf things have gone down to a 1. She is 34 and still cannot make her own decisions and lets bf make them all for her, even when it comes to SD. Which is really sad, because they aren't smart enough to realize that it does nothing but hurt SD, not us.
I wish we did have a better relationship, it would just make everyones life so much easier. I really commend the BF's in this world that can all get along. It must be a wonderful thing, and it must be such a great feeling for the kids involved because it makes their life much happier and easier!
My experience with my bonus daughters is easily an 8.5 - 9. ?They are great kids, very smart, upbeat and genuinely a pleasure to be around. ?Even when they wear me out, I am still exhilarated by their presence.
Their mother makes me crazy. ?We have very different parenting styles and her behavior makes me want to scream many times, so that puts a damper on things sometimes. ?Plus, my FI (the dad) frequently gives in to the insanity, so my frustration is partly with him as well as her.
But, being a BonusGrownup has been one of the best parts of my life.?
I would have to say that right now we are a 5. It used to be a 2 or 3 so we have improved! I think that if we went to court to establish paternity it might be different but that as it turns out is going to cost about $10,000 and we are trying to save up for it.
My reasoning for it being a 5 today is that communication isn't great. SD isn't happy with the situation at BM's but we can't do much about it right now. She is safe and cared for in general so she is not any danger, if she were we would do something immediately. BM flies off the handle at the strangest things. Her bf is a little bit more controlling than he used to be. We are generally walk on egg shells around her. I honestly wish we did get a long better and that I had good feelings towards her. SHe doesn't put SD first, she doesn't consider SD's education important, and just looks at how something will affect her - not what is best for SD.
There are good days, bad days, FANTASTIC days and "ugh" days... SS and I have a great bond, so I'd say overall, the ease in our house is just like he were my own kid. SS and I talk and bond in similar ways a boy his age would with a bioparent... we get along well (we always have), he respects me and I respect him, and more than anything we understand that families aren't perfect, but we can always try to improve upon what we need to. We get that we annoy each other sometimes, but then all parents & kids feel that way, so my not having carried him for 10 months IS NOT the reason why we might sometimes not see eye-to-eye... that's just life! He's easy going, and I tend to be, too, so I am sure that makes things a WHOLE lot easier.
I'd say 10 on the scale... we might hit days where I'd say it's a 9, 8 or 7, but I would say those would be days when it was something *I* was going through something, and would have NO bearing on him as a person... it would be my issues, for lack of a better word, that woudl probably put me in an all-over funk, not a SS-directed or SS-caused funk. :-)
I, too, think that things would only get better if we saw him more. I think a lot of parents are so busy with the regular day-to-day stuff that needs to get done that sometimes we stop to remember that these kids are really shuffled around quite a bit, emotionally if not always physically. And especially so it's important to remember this if we're not coming from divorced homes ourselves... I try to keep that perspective- that it's not easy to go back and forth *4 times a week* between two homes, two lifestyles, essentially two parenting styles... it takes a strong person to be able to acclimate to that- which goes to say, some of our stepkids are incredibly resilient people!