The Ultimate Plan written by SS
music247
member
DS came to live w/DH and I about a year ago. He was failing in school, all of his teeth were rotting, and he was having behavior problems in school. His mom didn't require that he do homework, brush his teeth, no cerfew, he wrote curse words on the wall and in his notebooks, etc etc. (He's 8 now, he was 7 at the time). So, of course he's been trying to get back there. He LOVED the freedom.
At our house, he's not as 'free'. He has homework and study time, a bedtime, he has chores/responsibilies around the house, and he is NOT rewarded for bad behavior. We have him on a behavior chart that has to be signed by the teachers daily, and his grades must not fall below a B.
He was spanked last week for being disrespectful to his teachers. Nothing extreme, just a few spanks on the bottom, along with his PSP and television priviledges revoked. He thought of the ULTIMATE plan. Yea, why not go to school and tell the teachers how your Dad abused you and put bruises on your body and you're sooo afraid of the abuse?? That will get him back to his mom's house FOR SURE!
Well, after two days in foster care (because Child Protective Services took him from our home), and a threat to be there for at least 3-4 weeks, he broke down and told them of his plan.
DH are still trying to figure out how to deal with him...I feel like I have to handle him with a long hand, because I never know what he could do or say to get his way...Help.
Re: The Ultimate Plan written by SS
Well, this just happened last Wednesday, so we're in the process of getting that set up now. I got counselors through my job yesterday...we get 5 free sessions here, so DH and I are going to call around this evening to get an appointment this week.
It was a mess...They were talking about charging DH w/a violent crime and all sorts of mess. *sigh* He told the CPS people it was all my fault...etc etc. Yes. We're making that appointment this week.
Private counseling for him, combined with fmaily counseling, might help. It might also help to continue to use behavior modification techniques and priase the you-know-what out of his good behaviors, and when he does something to help you guys.
Set him up for success, not failure, and soon he'll probably be addicted to doing good things that get good attention. Have him help with chores around the house- he can windex while you dust (I suggest making it a team effort- it makes more of a bonding experience, and also you can keep your eye on him at the time to make sure he's followng through with the respsonisbility) for instance, and then afterward tell him what a HUGE help it was that he took some respsonsibility to help you out, that it was very mature. This will not be easy in the beginning, but I think team-building (as cheesy as it sounds) activities, where you're all in it together, will give him more of a bond with you guys, and he won't be able to disassociate himself with you (which is classic in disrespectful behavior for young kids- they don't care, because they often don't feel connected).
Fun thigns that can be done together are great, too-- it doesn't have to be all teaching him lessons... you can play board games, go to a park together... spend down time getting to know each other. The more personable you are to him, the more he might begin to feel emotions like guilt when he acts out of line (like he did at school).
These are my best suggestions, and just what's worked for us form time to time to get my SS to contribute a bit to the house, and bring us closer together.
Good luck!