Am I selfish?? (longish)

MileHighGirl

My SIL A has 4 kids and will not be having any more.  She gave all her maternity clothes to SIL B.  I'm not sure when she gave clothes to SIL B, but she never offered them to me.  No big deal.

One week ago, SIL B announced she is pregnant.  She is about 4 months behind me. 

SIL B just gave me all the clothes that SIL A had given her because they are all summer clothes and she doesn't think she will need them this summer.  She isn't due until November so she is thinking that she will need more fallish clothes. (I have some warmer maternity clothes that would work for fall)

I graceously accepted the hand-me-down maternity clothes (I don't need/want any of these clothes, I just didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings).  I told her I would return them all to her in July after my baby is born.

BUT, I don't want to give her my clothes....however I kinda feel like it will be expected that I at least let her borrow my maternity clothes since she is letting me borrower her hand-me-down summer clothes.

I am so particular with my clothes and letting someone else borrow them is equivalent to throwing them away - in my mind.  I will most likely become a SAHM when this baby is born so won't have an income anymore, money will be tight.  We plan to have more than one kid.  I'd prefer to just keep my own clothes for my next pregnancy to save money, but I feel like I will come off as completely selfish if I don't let SIL B borrow them for her pregnancy.

Is there some way I can politely decline (not-offer) to let her borrow my clothes when I return all her summer clothes?  I was also thinking that I could just give her some of the items that are worn out/I don't like/won't be in style by the time I have a second baby, and just keep the clothes that I really like. 

Uugh!  I hate being in this position!

LillyBug923

I would probably offer to let SIL B borrow my fall/winter maternity clothing. If she's a responsible, non-smoker who I know would take care of them and return them in good condition I don't see what the problem would be with it...

AMYfromKY

Could you tell her that most of them were borrowed from a friend?  That way she won't expect too many.  Just make sure to hide them in boxes so she doesn't see them! 

kle+spd

I would just give her the hand-me-down clothes back. Nothing more. I doubt she would expect you to give her your newer mat. clothes. I don't see any problem with only giving her back what she gave you to borrow.

JCM083009

I wouldn't let anyone borrow my clothes either.  Just give her SIL A's stash and don't say anything.  If she asks for more/your clothes, that's in poor taste on HER part, not yours.

Sequoyah Shoars

LillyBug923:

I would probably offer to let SIL B borrow my fall/winter maternity clothing. If she's a responsible, non-smoker who I know would take care of them and return them in good condition I don't see what the problem would be with it...

this.

Squishycheeks

I don't think it's being selfish. Maybe you could get her a gift card of some kind for maternity clothes when you return hers as a gift; and tell her that you'd like to help her out, but you're keeping your clothes because you're planning on another baby (eventually.)

That way you're doing something sweet for her without having to give up your clothes.

Ellie0505

Does she know that you have fall maternity clothes?

easyBreezie

I would either A) Give her the clothes back and say you have enough, or If you don't want to give back because of being rude, I would give back after baby was born and just say you're still wearing yours, since most people do a little while after baby is born.

dbreton@plegroup.ca

I personally wouldn't give up any clothes unless asked (and even then, I'd be selective about what I'd be lending out).

*polarbear*

Honestly, No I dont think UR being selfish at all. I am very particular about my clothing as well. (I dont feel like clothing is one of those items you pass around - it kinda grosses me out) anyways that's another story.

Gosh I am trying to think what i would do in this situation. I guess just offer your clothing to her when that time comes. The only other thing I can think of is; give the summer clothes back to SIL B with a "thank you so much but i was just going through my old clothes and found plenty of items to wear over the summer" (that way you give them back - she doesnt expect anything from you.

BeeLove

If she is four months behind you, I doubt she will need/want what you have anyway...even your fall stuff, since you'll still be wearing some of it.  I woudl just give her what you want (a few things here or there if you can spare them) adn the clothes she gave to you.  I don't think there will be a problem and think you might be over analyzing the situation considering you are pregnant during different times of the year.  If she asks, I woudl simply say that you are still wearing some of your mat. clothes and aren't ready to give them up yet.  I don't see what the big deal is.

annibes

Ellie0505:

Does she know that you have fall maternity clothes?

This. Plus, what if you have another and desperately need the Fall/Winter clothes she'll need to buy or summer clothes you're going to return to her? You can't really tell her, "no, you can't borrow my stuff" but then run to her and say, "I'm going to need some clothes!" when the time comes. If money is going to be tight with you as a SAHM, you might want to think about building a communal closet of maternity clothes..

Just be sure to let her know you want to use them again so that she knows to take care of them.

MrsAO

I'm wondering if she really didn't want SIL A's clothes or any borrowed clothes for that matter.  You might find that she's the same as you, doesn't fancy the hand me downs, and wants her own "new" stuff.

MileHighGirl

LillyBug923:

I would probably offer to let SIL B borrow my fall/winter maternity clothing. If she's a responsible, non-smoker who I know would take care of them and return them in good condition I don't see what the problem would be with it...

That all sounds good in theory, but I have no idea what she is like with her clothes.  I know that she is very stylish and always has cute clothes on, but she lives in another state and I don't see her often so I have no idea how she cares for her clothes.

I am meticulous when it comes to caring for my clothes.  I don't use harsh detergents, and I never dry any of my clothes.  Everything is either hung to dry to dried flat.  I have had some of my clothes for years because I take such good care of them.  I don't want to loan my maternity clothes out and have them returned all faded and shrunk because they were put through the dryer numerous times.  Then I would have to go out and purchase new clothes to replace the ruined clothes and that could potentially be difficult to do depending on our financial situation when the time comes (assuming I'm not working).

I kinda like the idea of getting her a gift card for a maternity clothing store.  That should make her happy!

MileHighGirl

Ellie0505:

Does she know that you have fall maternity clothes?

Yes, she knows that a lot of the clothes I have are more winter/fall type clothes.  I just spent a week with her in the mountains so she saw a lot of my wardrobe.

MileHighGirl

MrsAO:

I'm wondering if she really didn't want SIL A's clothes or any borrowed clothes for that matter.  You might find that she's the same as you, doesn't fancy the hand me downs, and wants her own "new" stuff.

This is actually a possibility I hadn't thought of!!

[Deleted User]

She doesn't know what you have "borrowed" from others.  I, probably selfish, wouldn't loan "special clothes" aka ones that are important to me to anyone.  BUT I would put together a bag of the clothes that aren't as important and offer for her to borrow them.  I've had several girlfriends do the same to me and I'm not upset by it.  I totally understand that when you spend 200 on designer jeans that YOU LOVE or 25 on your fave dress it's yours.  No entitlement mentality here.

[Deleted User]

I just realized that we are "neighbors".  A. Don't tell your SIL in my advice   B.  Can I borrow your clothes.  C. Both A and B are jokes!

aniceucchik

not selfish at all, IMO. But i dont like hand me downs either, so i wouldnt want someone elses clothes, no matter what. Just dont say anything to her when you give the clothes back...i doubt she expects to get your clothes, at least i hope not!!! lol

MileHighGirl

radtasticelastic:

I just realized that we are "neighbors".  A. Don't tell your SIL in my advice   B.  Can I borrow your clothes.  C. Both A and B are jokes!

LOL!  Howdy neighbor!!!  Love your nursery!