Spanking as a punishment

tamday3

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about how to discipline a child when they've misbehaved. She and I both grew up in households where spanking was the primary punishment until about age 10 when "grounding" was introduced. One comment she made really made me think: "Spanking is for parents with no imagination". I took this to mean that some parents choose spanking rather than coming up with punishments to really suit the original offense.

 

This article speaks more about spanking as a punishment. What do you think?

https://www.naturalfamilyonline.com/5-ap/45-spanking-child.htm

JCM083009

haven't read the article yet, but i completely agree w/ your friend's comment.  (And before everyone freaks out and calls me judgmental for holding this opinion, I don't give a crap what you do with your kid, I'm strictly speaking in terms of MY family and MY personal thoughts and beliefs since many don't seem to grasp that concept...)

Without getting into it , I think there are better ways to discipline a child and I think spanking is confusing (ie: we don't hit our little sister Tommy, but it's fine for mommy and daddy to hit you).  There is a lot of good research out there for other ideas (IselaCid has a good list floating around) and I will use other methods.

*polarbear*

I like that comment. I was spanked with a wooden spoon until the age of 8 i would say; it became a joke then. I watch a lot of Nanny 911 and I LOVE the "points system" or marbles in a jar. You earn these when you do something positive (clean your room, help with the dishes, etc) You get one taken away for snapping someone, etc. It's amazing how these kids cherrish these points/rewards. I love this positive reinforcement.

manda_mullins

::butting in from 3rd::

?

To me, beating isn't/shouldn't be a punishment. I was raised with spankings as well, but I don't see how causing your child physical pain is teaching them any kind of moral lesson about how/why something they did is wrong.

?

Also, I remember getting spanked for fighting, and even as a kid I wondered if hitting and fighting with my sister is bad, why do Mom and Dad hit as a punishment for it.

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I know lots of people are for spanking, but it's not for me. Abuse does not equal a lesson.?

*polarbear*

JCM083009:

haven't read the article yet, but i completely agree w/ your friend's comment.  (And before everyone freaks out and calls me judgmental for holding this opinion, I don't give a crap what you do with your kid, I'm strictly speaking in terms of MY family and MY personal thoughts and beliefs since many don't seem to grasp that concept...)

Without getting into it , I think there are better ways to discipline a child and I think spanking is confusing (ie: we don't hit our little sister Tommy, but it's fine for mommy and daddy to hit you).  There is a lot of good research out there for other ideas (IselaCid has a good list floating around) and I will use other methods.

Thats a good point. "We're going to hit you for hitting your sister" That is so wrong.

MrsBeckO

We will absolutely NOT be spanking or swatting hands or anything of that nature. This topic always gets a little heated, so I will just leave my comment at that.??

wilkins1

DH and I were each spanked once in our entire life. mine was because I slapped my grandma... and his was because he ran into the street. he was wearing a diaper and his mom got more upset than he did. I learned from mine but that was the one and ONLY time I'd ever been spanked...

I am not going to spank. my parents taught me alot of things in life and never spanked me...

 

Bran_ham

I was also spanked as a child and it worked for me, lol. A friend of ours discipline his kids with the above mentioned marble in a jar system. This seems to work fabulously for their little boy who is an angel. DH and I consider them to be great parent role models so we're going to try to learn as much as we can about their parenting style.

hero

I overheard a parent tell his inobedient child that he was going to get hit the moment they left the store. Good parenting does not involve hitting/spanking a child.

AMYfromKY

wilkins1:

DH and I were each spanked once in our entire life. mine was because I slapped my grandma... and his was because he ran into the street. he was wearing a diaper and his mom got more upset than he did. I learned from mine but that was the one and ONLY time I'd ever been spanked...

I am not going to spank. my parents taught me alot of things in life and never spanked me...

 

Same here.  I was spanked once for cutting every screen in our house.  It was from my mom and wasn't hard, but it was so scary.  Other than that time, I was never spanked and feel like I turned out fine. 

alumsden1

I skimmed the article. My parents spanked me, but not the bare bottom, leather belt kind that left a welt. Just a swift pat with a wooden kitchen spoon. It was just enough for me to get the point that my behavior was unacceptable. I obviously don't have a lot of memories about that, but I do recall getting spanking for actually being a bad kid- not accidentally spilling my milk or something like that. To this day, I don't resent my parents for it one bit. I have not yet decided if I will do this with my children or not. But I don't think that what they did was wrong.

I tend to be more old fashioned when it comes to ideas for parenting. Once I was at a pub in a trendier part of town. Appearantly I didn't get the memo that that particular pub was basically a day care. I have this clear vision of a woman "disciplining" her child by waving a simulated spank/clapping toy at her child when the child had defied her. It was like a simulated spanking device. Has anyone read about that? I thought it was nutso.

kcbrandle

I was spanked once as a child after I reached for a boiling pot of water.  My dad regretted it until he died and apologized to me more than once.  I don't even remember it. 

I do not plan on using spanking as punishment, but I must say, when a child reaches for boiling water or runs in the road, I can see how a parent doesn't think- just reacts with fear and spanks. 

I have spoke with some people who were spanked and they said they didn't mind because the punishment is over so fast they can get back to playing- so clearly it didn't teach a lesson!

cindy453

I think spanking doesn't teach children the appropriate behaviors to do, it only teaches them not to get caught. Practicing (and rewarding) correct behavior is more effective at changing behavior. I think there were even animal studies on this... a behavior extinguishes quickly with physical punishment, but who knows what the behavior will be replaced with. Rewarding a behavior on the other hand, greatly increases the chance the behavior will be repeated.

JenShea

I haven't read the article yet either but I can tell you how I was raised. I think it worked quite well...

 My dad would spank us but he made sure he was calm before he deliverd the punishment. He told us exactly how many "licks" with the belt we would get and they were not excessive (usually 5-8). Once he was done we'd sit and talk to him about what we did and he'd let us know how much he loved us and that he was strictly doing it for punishment for whatever we did wrong. Once my sister and I turned 8 there were no more spankings and just grounding which was much worse!!

IselaCid

Yeah, we're not into spanking around here.  I try and read as much as I can on discipline and philosophies in raising kids to try and stay as creative as possible when it comes to those moments where a spanking *seems* like the only option.  I have to admit, it's hard...but worth it. 

j_hope

I was spanked as a kid, and DH wasn't.  We both talked about how we would dicipline DC#1 and decided that spanking wasn't something we would use as a form of dicipline.  DD is 2 and has never been spanked.  Don't get me wrong..sometimes in the moment...you really feel like it might be the only thing that would work and get your child's attention, but spanking is only going to teach your child that hitting is okay.  I do NOT want to send that message to my child.

meyemn28

DH and I have agreed that we will use spanking as a last resort, or emergency form of discipline.  Examples would inculde: child running into street, child physically harming another person or animal, child touching or playing with something dangerous, etc.  If it is a serious offense where the child or others are being put in danger, we think that is really the only way to get a clear and fast message across that the behavior is not ok.

For more minor things like not cleaning or doing chores, bad manners, talking back, etc I like the idea of a system of gaining and losing points based on behavior, and maybe time outs too.  The things we are trying to teach our kids by disciplining them for these reasons is meant to build character, so I think the punishment should be kind of related to that, and be more creative.  But there are some incidents where "I'm going to take away some of your points today..." just doesn't send a clear message about the seriousness of the actions.

JCM083009

wilkins1:

DH and I were each spanked once in our entire life. mine was because I slapped my grandma... ..

 

I am just honestly curious b/c this made me laugh... what do you think now, as an adult, about that? Do you see the irony of being hit for hitting someone? I just don't get it.

penguingrrl

I haven't read the article, but I have opinions on spanking.  So far I have seen no reason to spank DD.  I feel like spanking a toddler teaches them to hit when they get frustrated or angry, which is a natural instinct you are trying to teach them to control.  I especially don't like the concept of hitting your child because they hit someone.

I have not said I will never hit my children because I know to never say never.  However, I prefer to use time out, loss of priviledges, etc... instead of hitting and hope not to change that mentality.

sabrina69barnes

  I didn't read the article but DH and I use timeouts and spakings depending on how severe the offense is. This works very well for our three children and is what we will do with DS#3. We get compliments all the time from strangers on how well behaved our children are. I know a lot of people don't agree with spanking but it works with our kids so we don't feel the need to change anything.

aniceucchik

i wasnt spanked, but i got the back of the hand tap to the mouth when i was like 13-14...but i needed it then with the mouth i had-thank goodness for those braces on my teeth, or i bet it would have been worse...lol.

im not up for spanking...i think there are other ways...

LoveEeyore

alumsden1:

 

I tend to be more old fashioned when it comes to ideas for parenting. Once I was at a pub in a trendier part of town. Appearantly I didn't get the memo that that particular pub was basically a day care. I have this clear vision of a woman "disciplining" her child by waving a simulated spank/clapping toy at her child when the child had defied her. It was like a simulated spanking device. Has anyone read about that? I thought it was nutso.

LOL I used these as rewards for my autistic kiddos and to break my mom's dog of jumping after he broke her hip.  On kids- no.  I'm a big fan of Pantley and have no intention of spanking, but have a client whose son with autism runs in the road in front of cars on purpose and puts his hand u[ to stop them.  He laughs and tells his mom"No- running in the street is bad.  You can get hurt,"  and laughs at her.  What would you do in a case of grave danger in which reasoning doesn't work?