Stay at Home Moms

Question for you ladies...

Hi ladies,

I am obviously not a SAHM yet, I am not even pregnant.  But H and I are planning on having me SAH with future kids.  Do any of you ever feel guilty that you get to stay home and H has to go to work?  I realize that you ARE working, probably even harder than your H's... I just wish that he could stay home too, and I feel kinda awful that I will be able to do something I love while he goes off to work every day!

Thanks for your opinions on this!

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Re: Question for you ladies...

  • I don't feel guilty because being a SAHD is soooo not DH's temperament. As much as I know it's hard for him to be away from DD when he's working, we both know that he wouldn't be happy at home. And it is such a relief for him that I get to be a SAHM, it's much easier for him to go to work. It'd be harder if we both were working - he wouldn't have the peace of mind knowing that when he's gone all day, DD is in good hands. Honestly, I think DH is proud that he earns enough to support his family. I thought it might feel like a burden to him, but it's more a point of pride.
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  • No, DH has told me time and time again he loves his job and has no problem working away from home. He's very happy I can stay home.
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  • To be perfectly honest, yes, I do.  And I know that he's jealous of my time at home with DD.  (Although, in reality, I know he would hate it after the first day, and the house would be a wreck, as would she, but he likes to think he would like SAH.)  I figure at some point in our lives our roles may reverse, and if that happens, I'd like to think I'd be happy to let him have time at home while I bring home the bacon.
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  • No.  First off, DH works more/harder in one day than I do in a week :)

    But he loves his job.  He loves working.  He doesn't really understand why I want to stay home...but as long as I don't nag him to clean and have dinner ready a few nights a week...he doesn't ask for much!

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  • no.  there are days DH says that he's jealous, but in the end, he wouldn't be happy spending all day everyday w/ DD.  he loves his weekends and nights w/ her though!
  • Thanks, ladies, for your input!  I feel a little better.  I am 99% sure that I will  be a SAHM.  Our finances are in order, and I know it is the best thing for our future LO's!
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  • I *USE* to feel this way at first. ?Now I realize DH would much rather go to work to keep sane. ?It's hard being a SAHM. ?I've got so much more patience. ?I enjoy staying home, if DH is alone with DS for longer than 3 hours he calls me freaking out. ?He doesn't have the patience. ?If he stayed home he would go crazy.

    He also did not realize he was this way until after we had him, so although you think your DH would enjoy it... he probably doesn't have the patience like you and would enjoy the break at work.
  • Nope, I don't feel guilty at all. I work very, very hard at what I do. i keep up with an extremely busy and smart 1.5 yr old, clean the house, cook, do laundry, shop, etc.  DH is done working when he gets home. At that point, he is enjoying playing with DS, or on nights when he has school (getting his masters) then he just watches tv and goes to bed. During that time I am cooking, cleaning up after dinner, vaccuming and mopping the floor (yes I do every night..DS is pretty dang messy), and putting DS to bed.

    Do i love it. Absolutely. Is it the hardest job ever? Absolutely. But also the most fun at the same time. However, there is no such thing as a sick day. We have no family in town to come over if I did get sick. So unless it's really, really bad, I still work when I'm sick. DH can take a sick day if he needs to.

    SAHM is a 24 hr/7 day a week job. That's my point. So no guilt over here. Plus I feel it is the best thing for my child! Anyway, good luck to you..I'm sure you will probably not feel guilty when you are doing it.

  • I would feel guilty only if it was something that he truly wanted to do.  However, staying home is the job I really want to do and he absolutely loves his career...so no, no guilt here.  But its a good idea to keep the line of communication open between you and you H to be sure you both are happy with the situation(when you cross that bridge =) 
  • I did feel a bit guilty about the idea of it, like you before I was actually a SAHM. But now with the reality of it I don't.?

    Going in I knew it would be a lot of work, but I guess didn't quite believe it. It's the hardest job I've ever had (but also the most wonderful). It's even harder than it was having a room full of 30 5th graders was!?

    When DH gets home he leaves his job for the day. But My job is never really over. He helps a lot when he's home, but I still feel a sense of responsibility even then.

    Just be sure to say "thank you" to him often, and remind him how?grateful?you are that he's working hard to support you. Chances are you'll notice that he'll even do the same for you! ?

    Married 07.07.07. Mom to 3: Ruby 11/08 and Oliver & Austin 12/11
  • No, we have 2 (almost 3) young children--(it's much different than 1 baby)...he's taken care of them alone enough to know it's no picnic.  He has no desire to do it alone, all day, 5 days a week like I do.  He's very supportive that I SAH.
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  • No, I don't feel guilty.  DH is one that really enjoys what he does, he gets to travel a lot and even if he's just in the office for the day he loves coming home and DD yelling "Daddy!" and running to the door.  He loves our DD very much but he also does not have the patience for long periods of time with her.  They are great for a little while and then they both just want their own space. 

    There have been a couple of times that money has gotten a little tight and then I do feel bad, like if I were working outside the home we wouldn't have to sacrifice as much but DH is always very supportive about that stuff too and reminds me that if I were working outside the home that there would be lots of sacrifices, especially by DD when she had to go to daycare.

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    No, I don't feel guilty because I go by the Biblical role of the husband---to be the provider for the family and the mother to be the nurturer/homemaker for the family.

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  • Nope. 

    There will be times when you will want to get away and you should.  Remember, there are 7 days to a week, not 5.  

  • The only thing I feel guilty about is that there is a rare moment when DD wants her daddy over me, but that could occur even if he was the SAH parent.  Believe me, your H will get plenty of positive perks going to work, while you SAH and receive the joy of raising your baby.  If you're really concerned, maybe you could see if your jobs offer flex time, then you two could switch days staying home.
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  • Hi there!!

    I honestly have never felt that way and neither has DH because 1) he would never want to SAH full-time, he LOVES his career and 2) I have worked HARD for the past 3 years that I have SAH: every minute of every day, even when having fun so, it's not like I am sitting around doing nothing and have anything to feel guilty about!  :)

    Seriously, DH is NOT envious of my "job"!

    eclaire 9.10.06  diggy 6.2.11

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