Had to turn down placement this week

We got a call on Monday regarding a possible placement.  The e-mom was 26 weeks pregnant but has already gone into labor once and the doctors would not stop labor next time so it would be likely that the baby would spend 10+ weeks in NICU. The baby would also be 5 or more hours away (they couldn't tell us exactly).  There were just too many variables.  DH & I know we made the right decision for us at this time but it still hurts.  We were filling out our grad school forms for the fall and we listed that we anticipate having a child by fall but sometimes we wonder if things will ever fall into place.
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Re: Had to turn down placement this week

  • I'm sorry, I know it is hard. We ended up passing up an "immediate match situation" in which the baby would have needed 10+ weeks in NICU with multiple surgeries. Ultimately, they found the right family within a few days of us looking into it. Which means, that family was the right family for that baby.

    I think you have to do what is right for you and your family at the time it comes along.

  • That's a hard choice, but it sounds like you made the one that you are most comfortable with.  I'm sorry you had to turn down a match, I feel like that is one of those choices you just can't be ready for!  You are so excited for a baby then you feel badly saying no to a match.  I'm sure that they will find that baby a home and that a baby that fits your lives will find you soon. 
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  • It sounds like you and your husband thought this thoroughly through, and chose what you believe is in the best interest of your family.  Please don't feel guilty.  It would have been worse had you accepted a placement of a child whom you were not adequately prepared to parent.

    I know it hurts to have been so close and chosen not to pursue it, but please, please, please be kind to yourselves.  You must be true to yourselves during this process.  It's the only way you'll find YOUR child.  (I know you already know this, but sometimes it helps to have it reinforced.)

  • I'm sorry to hear this.  Painful as it is today, the child who is meant to be your son or daughter honestly will be worth it all.

    On a total side note, I wonder why the dr's wouldn't stop labor so "early" in the pregnancy.  :::shrugs:::

  • I'm sorry. I cannot imagine what making that decision must be like...just know that the right child will come along, and hopefully soon!
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  • I am so sorry that this decision was presented to you, and it was so tough. You know in your hearts what is best for you, and your baby is out there waiting!


  • I'm so sorry; as much as you know it was the right thing, it's still so painful. We had to turn down an immediate match situation before Lily was born. The baby had so many medical issues that we just couldn't begin to afford it -it was awful, but we have Lily now and wouldn't do anything differently. Hang in there, and again, I'm so sorry for you guys!
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  • Oh jamee I'm so sorry, we had to turn down a few as well and it is HARD, but your baby WILL find you!
    Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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