An old friend of mine is a Doula. I hadn't really been thinking about using a doula until the other day when she sent me some info regarding it. The more I read the better I thought the idea was. My issue is this: Since me and DH haven't even talked about using a Doula, how do I bring it up to him and make him feel like she won't be there to take his place, just there for support for both of us. And also how do I let our family's know that we are using a doula and not hurt their feelings (we have told both sides that they are more than welcome to be in the waiting room as long as they want but it will only be me and DH and the hospital staff in the l&d room and NOW since she is a friend I am worried that the moms(and my sister who will at that point have gone thru 2 l&d's herself) are going to be a little upset I am turning to her for support instead of them). Please help! I am not 100% we are going to use her but the idea sounds great to me.
Re: Need your help...
I would discuss it with your husband first, and just explain to him why you think it's a good idea. He will be wonderful support, surely, but a doula is a great source for info and help when you need to possibly make decisions. An extra calming influence, especially when you and your husband will be under stress, can't be a bad thing.
Your family just needs to accept it. She may be a friend, but she is still technically serving in a "medical" capacity, she's not just hanging out with you. It's your choice, and they need to respect it, whatever it is. You can't have every woman who's ever given birth in the room with you, it's reasonable for you to prefer someone who is trained for those situations rather than one who has just been through it. ?
Mes Petit Choux
I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then. ~ Alice
I would personally go for it. She is a professional, and could be a HUGE help before and after the baby.
If the family gets upset explain to them what a doula is and their purpose. I am sure they will understand, and won't feel slighted.
In my opinion,a doula HELPS your husband be even more supportive and there for you. If you only have your DH, who is going to be the one to go out and get you thinks or check on things? Do you want DH leaving your side? And when he does need a break, you ahve someone there who is rooting for YOU, unlike the hospital staff who roots for timing and their schedules. A doula also can teach your husband how to be more supportive. DH has never been threatened by the idea.
It's not like asking a friend to be in the room, she's there as a professional and a member of your birth team and if your family can't understand that concept, they have some issues.
I would have loved to have used a Doula for my first L & D but there weren't any that I was aware of in the area. I think it's a great idea!
Why don't you let your DH read the same literature that you did and then discuss with him why you're interested.
I think family and friends will understand that she is a professional like a nurse and wouldn't feel excluded. If they do for some reason, you have to keep in mind that they aren't going to go through delivering this baby, YOU are so you have to make the right decisions for YOU, not everyone else.
GL!
Big E (6) & Little E (2.5)