so long story (not so) short. my step daughter has been acting up (we have custody of her-so it's our problem-thats what the mother and grandmother say)--nice, right?
DH has been getting phone calls from angry parents about how his daughter speaks to their kids (nothing but curses), the texts that she leaves their kids, and the attitude she has towards them. (this all started because she thought she was screaming F$%^ you to anouther kid, but it was their mother on the phone, who just so happens to be a girl i grew up with. so i got that phone call at 12 (Dh's daughter was @ a sleepover)
so yeah. last night after SD and SD's mother finished screaming @ DH about how terrible he is-cause you know HE told his daughter to do all that...) (and DH doesn't punish his kid, just feel bad for her cause he heard she gets made fun of.---the rest of us ladies would explain to the little brat what happens when you curse and everything and you're grounded....but not in our house, you get candy. lol)
well by the end of the night I am some how @ fault? and he says to me that I came between him and his daughter. that she wasn't this nasty before we met. (she was also only 7). (really nice)
so hormones, cramps-which were making me nervous- and DH being a prick. my night was just lovely. and this morning was even worse.
yup. DH doesn't get it that i need to not be screamed at (ever-but especially when i'm pregnant). (and doesn't get that i didn't do a damn thing) maybe he's pregnant too....
thats it. anyone wanna break his legs for me?
(::vent over::) i'm relaxing myself. never been so happy to be at work before....
thanks girls for the vent
Re: Dh doesn't get it (i need to get this out of i'll scream)
All I can say is that being a step mom is a thankless job and very, very hard. I'm sorry you have to go through that.
It sounds a bit like my house. SD can do no wrong in DH's eyes. We've started goint to therapy to see if we can work together as a family and not be so divided because it's only gotten worse now that I'm pregnant. Maybe that would help you guys as well. It certainly sounds like your SD needs it.
Rose - I'm a step mom to two teenagers too. Fortunately, the adults are mostly adult and we run the show.
I think you and DH have to have a discussion outside of the home and away from any antagonists. Ultimately, it's a team effort. He is probably looking to find a reason that doesn't involved A) him thinking he's a bad dad and
thinking his daughter is a twat.
There is clearly some sort of reason as to why the mother does not have custody. That shouldn't be overlooked. If she is causing problems with the daughter or influencing her in a negative manner, then perhaps you need to take the matter to a lawyer.
Clearly, the daughter is acting out. This happens even to good kids in good homes that are stable. We have had to deal with a bit of mouthy, rude and lying behaviours. I don't think the pregnancy is having any effect on our daughter, she's very excited to be getting a brother or sister. She's almost 16 though. Not sure how old your SD is. Ours is definitely pushing the limits though.
We make sure that we explain the expectations and the consequences for failing to meet them. We got SD an iphone like her brother and the condition for our paying for the package the phone has is she must get As. Bs do not count. End of story. This is constantly being discussed. We are involved with her school and stay in touch with the teachers - this is all with shared custody.
I think it would be helpful for you and DH to go to the school and speak with her teachers and principal about her behaviour. Has something happened there? If the mother's influence is causing the problems, then perhaps some sort of counseling or peer counseling could be put in place for her.
Keeping teenagers busy with positive hobbies and activities is important. Clearly, SD is lashing out at the world - now you have to work together with DH to reassure her and help establish limits so she can feel secure and confident.?
Wow, I'm sorry you have to deal with this crap.
How long has she been acting this way? could this be a reaction to you being pregnant and feeling insecure that the baby will take "her place" in the family? or has it been going on too long for that?
Whatever the situation, your husband needs to show a united front with you or the SD and SM will learn how to come between you.