Special Needs

We offended somebody today.....

....and I don't know how I feel about it.

Drake needs to be suctioned from his trach frequently because he can't swallow.  It doesn't sound very nice if you're not used to it (imagine a juicy cough) but he stays in his stroller when we are in a public place.  He can't vocalize so this is the only thing you hear from him. 

Today we went to lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.  Anyone that has been there knows that it is a noisy place with stone tables and loud music.  We got there pretty early for lunch and got a small section to ourselves at first then they sat a guy by himself right next to us.  He looked at Drake when he first sat down and I thought he smiled at him (the sun was behind him so I couldn't really see his face).  After a few minutes (and a couple suctions of the trach) this guy got up, walked toward the kitchen, then walked back by us the opposite direction to go to the bathroom.  Next the server came to pick up his drink and menu and sat him in a different section!  Not only was this guy trying to get away from us but he hid in the bathroom while they moved him!! 

The reason that I don't know how I feel about it is he could have thought that Drake was sick (which is what I'm kind of clinging to) but he also could have said something instead of making us feel like a side-show act!  Also, going to lunch after a Dr appointment has been pretty common for us since Drake came home almost 15 months ago and we have never encountered this kind of thing before. 

Sorry so long.  I guess I just had to get that off my chest!

Re: We offended somebody today.....

  • People are rude!  At least he could've had the balls to stay at the table while the waitress moved him. 

    Honestly, I learned not to care what people think anymore. 

    My son has ADHD and autism.  So taking him out sometimes can be hard.  We went to a pizza buffet place for dinner last night.  He wanted dessert, so he stood up really fast and yelled, "I am ready for dessert" and starts walking really fast to the buffet.  You would've thought my son son said a bad word, this lady stared at him like he was some kind of freak and whispered something to her friend.  Needless to say, I said something not too nice to her.  I think I would get banned from the nest if I wrote it on there.

    Bottom line is, don't let rude people get the best of you!

  • Reading this makes me want to outwardly cringe because we've gone through the same thing so many times. Because of the tracheolmalacial and bronchialmalacia, Tucker has a really scary sounding cough whenever he gets a bit of a cold (or food stuck in his esophogus for that matter!).

    I cannot tell you how many people have given me dirty looks or come right up to me and said - "You know, croup IS going around" like I'm some *** mother who doesn't know when my kid is sick.

    I know that they just don't know but it always makes me feel like people think that I'm a bad Mom, which I know that I am not.

    My favorite thing to say back? "Yeah, he's not sick. He had surgery." That usually shuts them up! LOL!

    Look at it this way - thank goodness that man moved so that you wouldn't have to put up with him constantly looking over at you guys or making comments. I'm so sorry that you had to have that situation put a damper on your fun lunch though!



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  • What a complete jerk!  and a wussy jerk at that! 
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  • You are much more understanding than I would have been.  Not that I would have done anything at the restaurant, but I think I still would have been in tears about it today.  DD has a skin condition with visible blisters and 'rashy' looking skin so everyone always thinks she has some sort of infection or flesh eating disease (note the sarcasm on the latter).  Personally, I hold parents accountable.  I mean, if your kid was contagious (other than a cold), like medically so, I'm pretty sure they'd keep their kid in.  Sorry you had to deal with this.  I HATE dealing with strangers!

  • I'm sorry you were offended, I would have been slightly too because of the way he moved. If he had a problem with the suctioning he could have said something to a waiter, ect. I usually take Cash out to the car to suction him, to avoid similar circumstances.

    Nonetheless, the guy was tactless and a coward. I agree that luckily he moved so you wouldn't of had his beety eyes on you throughout the meal. Cash gets the juicy cough too and people always stare at us. Or they notice the trach and immediately ask what happened to him. We stay away from resturants because we can never eat in peace.

    May you have a better expirence next time! I honestly think it could have been the suction machine not Drake. He is a handsome boy and no where near something to stare at other than his cute curly hair! As the moms I think we are defensive with our childrens issues/abnormalities, so we immediately feel that's what everyone else sees KWIM

  • i could see how it could be taken as the guy being rude, but my first thought was that maybe he was moving so that you guys could have some privacy to do what you needed to do. ?that's something i myself would TOTALLY do, especially if there was a spot elsewhere.
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  • I'm sorry for this damper on your nice lunch out, but I interpret it a different way.  Maybe he thought it would've been ruder to request a different table within your earshot?  I do think the hiding in the bathroom thing is weird, but maybe he really had to go?
  • Thanks everyone.  I appreciate hearing both sides. 

    It made me uncomfortable at the time but I guess I thought that I would be more offended than I was.  I just want everyone to see my son for what he is.... a beautiful little boy.

  • Your little boy is beautiful.

    The guy could have moved for a reason that had nothing to do with your son. I've had people move from me/my kid in a restaurant, and we were perfectly quiet, sitting there, not bothering anyone. Sometimes people just don't want to be around kids, disabled or not. 

    I also agree that the guy did it in the most polite way possible, not within your earshot, just moved. The possibilities are endless...maybe he was meeting someone, maybe he saw someone he knew, maybe he had uncontrollable gas, maybe his son or little brother had the same condition as your son and he emotionally couldn't handle being near you guys, maybe he has mental problems, etc etc.


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