Poll:Do you think a bride should "give the ring back" if engagment is broken?

Jen2124

I suppose bride is the incorrect term..

So if an engagment is broken, should she give the ring back? Would you give it back?

(I have a friend whose wedding was recently called off..she is refusing to give the ring back, saying it was a gift. He just told her if she does not send it back within 7 days, he is taking legal action. Suppossedly she called the wedding off due to him not wanting to get married and she is P*SSED about the whole thing.)

Starr_Mom

That's a toughy. I can definitely see both sides. I would probably do what she did and say it was a gift. If I broke off the engagement because of my issues, I would give it back.

Temp159135562506975

in most states the law says she has to give it back UNLESS it was given on a holiday - b/c then it can be considered a gift.

If HE broke it off- he's a d!ck for asking for it back (assuming she didn't cheat or anything).... a real man would just leave it be, knowing he hurt her, etc.

if SHE broke it off- a good woman would do the right thing and give it back.... unless she broke it off b/c he was cheating or something bad.

 

eclaires

LOL...I'd be interested to hear how his legal action goes.  I vaguely remember some engagement ring discussion in contract law.  From what I recall there's no real standard, and what's the saying?  Possession is 9/10 of the law?

Anyway, I think it would depend on the circumstances.  If I called it off because I didn't want to get married, I'd give it back.  If it was called off because of the groom not wanting to get married or because of an affair, you bet your ass I'd keep it. 

ScreamingInWhispers

Absolutely.

Actually, I don't understand why someone would want to keep an engagement ring if the marriage didn't happen. Weird if you ask me.

oparcm

I think legally it would depend on how it was presented.  If it was a Christmas present or birthday gift, then it is a gift.  If it was just for the purpose of engagment, I think it would have to go back. 

Bellisimo

Yes, she should give it back.  I would give it back.

eclaires

ScreamingInWhispers:

Absolutely.

Actually, I don't understand why someone would want to keep an engagement ring if the marriage didn't happen. Weird if you ask me.

Well, speaking for myself, I'd be keeping it to sell it to maybe cover some deposits from oh, I don't know, planning a wedding that didn't happen.  I know for our wedding, my husband's name was not on any of our wedding contracts b/c my parents were paying and he and I lived out of town from where our wedding was being held.

Jen2124

I do know that he sent her parents a check to cover half of the costs of the wedding. I think she is keeping it to spite him. She invested a lot of her time on a guy who wound up not wanting to get married...she is MAD MAD MAD....although I think I'd give it back for closure. It seems like the right thing to do. Although legally, I am thinking she may get to keep it if it came down to that....?

august06mom

Absolutely. I can't imagine what kind of person would keep the ring.

eclaires

Jen2124:

I do know that he sent her parents a check to cover half of the costs of the wedding. I think she is keeping it to spite him. She invested a lot of her time on a guy who wound up not wanting to get married...she is MAD MAD MAD....although I think I'd give it back for closure. It seems like the right thing to do. Although legally, I am thinking she may get to keep it if it came down to that....?

Well in that case, I'd hope I'd be willing to give it back since it appears he's being decent about wedding costs, but it's hard to say if it was ugly.  I mean, I'd like to think I could get past that, but you never know.

I'm not sure about the legalities - I had thought in my contract law class when we discussed it, it would be a hard case to make (to get it back), but it's been 4 years and it hasn't come up since so I really have no clue if I'm remembering right.

felt_tip_pen

I think it totally depends on the situation. In your friend's case, if the engagement is broken because he changed his mind/whatever, then she should be able to do what she will. If it was her fault, she would need to give it back. If it was mutual, she should probably give it back unless: 1)it was also a "gift" gift (Christmas, birthday, Valentines, etc), in which case it is hers...even if she were the engagement breaker 2) they paid for it together, in which case it needs to be sold (to someone else or to one of the couple for 1/2 the price). My $.02

aprilmomtobe

If I call off the wedding, or it's called off because I've done something horrible like cheat on him, then I'm giving the ring back.

If he calls it off, I'd like to think I would, but knowing the grudge-holding, vengeful, scorpio that I am, I probably would not

marrymemylove

In the old days there WAS a legal principle - if she called off the wedding she had to give it back, if he did she got to keep it (almsot like liquidated damages).

I think the idea behind that was pretty sound. If she wanted to break the engagement then she should return it. If he dumped her he said goodbye to the ring.?

marrymemylove

btw jen - closure is not worth $10K to me. Closure imho is a crappy reason to do anything costly.

Why would you want to keep the ring? Maybe to turn the diamond into some other jewellery? Maybe to make it a 3-setter and wear it on my right hand.?

In the end, if a guy dumped me and I still had the diamond I might consider myself up on the deal, he was a crumb but I got the rock kwim? ?

Alexandra*sMom

I called off an engagement and yes, I gave the ring back.

Temp108743750006959

this would completely depend on the circumstances. ditched at the altar? I would be buying myself something niiiiiice

Jen2124

MMML,

I think she said she was going to sell it...not reuse the diamond.

I don't know...it just doesn't seem "healthy" to me to keep it...although I understand wanting to spite someone if you are super angry, in a way.

I don't think I'd care too much about the $$ though if I were her. I might if I paid for it myself, but as for the keeping it for the $$ aspect...that isn't really "me".

veloelle

I called off my first engagement. I gave the ring back because 1) I had no desire to keep a ring that symbolized a bad relationship and 2) *I* broke it off, therefore I felt I had no right to keep it. That's just eff'd up to break off a relationship and keep something so symbolic and costly.

I suppose if the tables were turned and the guy cheated or did something else equally douchy I'd keep it to sell? I think it really depends on the situation.

michaeltrish

Alexandra*sMom:

I called off an engagement and yes, I gave the ring back.

Me too!

cbidt*sgirl

my fiance called off the engagement, i gave the ring back and sent him a bill for all wedding related costs.  he paid.  at the time i didn't want any reminders of that relationship and it felt like the right thing to do. many years later i sometimes wish i had the ring.  me and dh would have liked the extra money for our house or for ds's college fund.  oh well

sweetie1528

she has to give it back and she will be required to do so if he takes legal action.  if he gave it to her as a holiday present, or a bday present, then she could get to keep it.

august0605bride

I'd give it back

hopefulmom

She might as well give it back because most courts (in most states) are going to make her give it back (or the value of it).  She can keep the ring if she wants to pay him for it of course. 

Some states the "bride" has to give it back no matter who broke it off and other states the "bride" has to give it back if SHE broke it off.  Why would she want that as a reminder anyway?