Moms of 2+ POLL: Hit us with your best advice!

CubbyMama

We've got a whole slew of baby #2's coming or newly arrived...let's hear some words of wisdom from the veteran moms of two or more. 

How hard is it compared to what you expected, what tips do you have for wrangling a baby and a toddler in public, or what general advice would you give those of us about to join the club?

vtgirl

I am replying to this post so I don't lose it- I have to head home soon!

Cubby- I saw your post about the identical profile shots- I guess we both make cute, chubby cheeked babies! 

Samantha Thomas

Honestly it's easier than I expected.  It's really not hard having two it's just really busy.  My advice is use the swing and carrier carseat as long as possible, let the baby sleep anywhere they want if they will sleep (your bed, carseat, swing, etc), don't worry about all the little things at first (cleaning, laundry, etc can wait), and take lots of pics (I slacked on this the 2nd time around and wish now I'd taken more pics of G when he was really small).  Good luck and I can't wait to find out if cubby is a boy or girl!

Bellisimo

Good post!    Holy crap!  I can't believe I'll have a new baby next week!!!!!!!

pincushions

it was 50x times harder than I thought it would be but after being out with them this morning and not having to listen to screaming fights it kinda felt like it was getting easier after 24m!!

 

CubbyMama

Bellisimo:

Good post!    Holy crap!  I can't believe I'll have a new baby next week!!!!!!!

I can't believe it, either!  Can't wait to see pics...are you ready (I know you're ready to be done being pg, but is everything done)?

reynah

1. Give TONS of your attention to dc1 before dc2 arrives.... you will miss being able to devote your entire self to just 1 child.

2. Make sure you get 'self' time at least once/day. A bath, walk, etc. so you keep your sanity.

3. Set rules for the oldest and be CONSISTANT with them. No being rough... etc. This is one that is tough but really works well.

4. NEVER, EVER take them both to the doctor at the same time. Big, huge mistake I made and will never do it again.

Hmm... if I think of anymore, I will post.

 

mamarazzi

The transition was actually easier than I thought it would be.  Lawrence is amazing with his little brother and still hasn't shown any jealousy. 

I try to bring out new things for Law every so often to keep him from getting bored with his stuff and so he leave the baby and his stuff alone.  It's been pretty easy to do so since there was Christmas and then his birthday, but I also buy him little stuff here and there and have put several of his gifts up for later.

H takes Lawrence on "man dates" on the weekend.  It's good for Law because he gets one-on-one attention and it's nice for me to be able to only have to worry about one.

I couldn't live without my Moby-style wrap (www.beebymecouture.com).  It's the one thing that's sure to calm Andersen down and it leaves my hands free to make lunch, play with Lawrence, put on makeup, etc.  It's also nice for running errands with two -- I can run a lot faster after Law if the baby is securely strapped to my chest rather than having him in his carrier or the stroller.

I'm significantly more laid-back this time.  If the laundry doesn't get done, we wear something else.  If I don't get dinner made, we go out.  If someone wants to come over and my house is a mess, I try not to care.  I think that's helped a lot with having two.

The double stroller is my friend.  And my H has been a TON of help -- mostly with Law...babies aren't really his "thing."

Bellisimo

CubbyMama:

Bellisimo:

Good post!    Holy crap!  I can't believe I'll have a new baby next week!!!!!!!

I can't believe it, either!  Can't wait to see pics...are you ready (I know you're ready to be done being pg, but is everything done)?

I still have a few last minute things left to do, buuuuut, if she were to come today I would be ready to throw my stuff in the car and head to the hospital....the rest can and will fall into place.  I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore FOR SURE!  And I'm ready to start the recovery process to get it out of the way.  C Section is all set for next Thursday morning!!!

ScreamingInWhispers

My biggest peice of advice....when the baby is old enough to follow a more structured routine, work around the older child's schedule. I found it much easier to adjust the baby's schedule than the toddler's schedule.

Much easier than expected for me. I wear the little guy a lot  and we started training the oldest  very early about holding mom or dad's hand and taught him "stop" and "go" so that he'd be easier to handle in public, too.

DandelionMom

The second baby wasn't that hard.  A couple of suggestions:

-once you're through the first couple of weeks, try to get out every day, even just for a walk. 

-get a good sling

-consider keeping a fully stocked diaper bag in the car at all times.

-keep a few things that your toddler loves near your favorite nursing/feeding chair (books, handheld game, coloring stuff are all good)

-put a fan or white noise machine in the room where the baby sleeps so the loud toddler doesn't wake her up too much!

emilykristene2006

The best advice I got when DS was a newborn: Make sure he's fed & changed before having to make breakfast or lunch. Then tend to DD (#1) until your finished.

DS did not like the swing, carrier or bouncy seat. I would have to constanly stop making lunch to tend to him. A nestie told me if he's fed and changed, keep tending to DD so she won't learn to be jealous of him. DS cried quite a bit for the first couple of weeks, but he learned to like his swing, carrier and even the bouncy seat.

If possible, have your DH switch off with you. One night you do #1's bedtime routine while he takes care of #2. The next night, switch. That way they both get that one-on-one time with each of you.

The doctor's appointments were simple for me. I carried DS on me and had DD sit in her stroller. I brought things for her to do and saved a snack for when the doctor came in. I never had a problem with that.

When you are feeding the baby, have activities for #1 to do right next to you. Read, color, do puzzles...

I think it's very important in the beginning to try and show #1 as much as attention as possible. I noticed when people came over to see #2 that Emily was jealous. We started having vistors say hello to her first and ask if they can see or hold her baby brother. That helped a lot. Eventually when someone would come, the first thing DD would say is, "Come see my baby brother!"

Try to get out as much as possible. I was out with both of them 2 days pp. If you don't get out much, your toddler will go stir crazy leading you to go apesh!t.

Oh, for some reason having 2 is so much easier than having one!

GL to all of you!!!

gracendantho26

I would strongly encourage a friendship between the two which to me means not going on and on about the baby being "the baby." If that makes any sense. I think it can be fine when the baby really is a baby but once the youngest is at the age where they can play and need to have developed a friendship with their sibling it can create issues. I would encourage them to look out for eachother and take care of eachother mutually. I also have found that during Owen's ages I'll say somethig like "Natalie I remember when you were almost 4 and how hard it could be sometimes for you to express your emotions without crying...I think Owen's having a hard time right now...hang tight he'll learn like you how to be a big kid." That way she does not get as frusturated with him if he freaks while they are playing or does not play like her kinder friends play. And I am relating his reactions to her and everyone knows 5 year old LOVE to hear stories about themselves and talk about themselves. And I do not do it in a way that makes it about him being "the baby" just as a reminder the he's not always going to play like she does yet at times.

Kapalua

Thanks everyone for the advice!  I'm starting to get panicky about having #2...you all make it look so easy!  

shopgirl78

 

It was an easy transition for me.   DD just loves her brother and I can't imagine life without both of them.   

1.  I agree with keeping the oldest DC on his/her schedule and fitting baby into that

2.  SLING.  I couldn't live without mine

3.  Get out of the house!!  Do something fun, go to the park.  It breaks up the day.

4.  Involve your older child in baby care or let him/her take care of her baby while you take care of the youngerst

5.  If both are crying to, go to the oldest first- they will remember, baby will not

Zenya

Get out of the house as often as you can and as early as you can!  I gave it a week I think and then we tried to get out every day (right now I don't have a car and it's KILLING ME).

Get your DH to have a standing 'date' with your DD so you can have alone time with your baby.  

I agree to let the baby sleep wherever, whenever.

Use a wrap!  We skipped on the double stroller.  When we are out - DD is in a wrap (or if she is fussy inside).  that way I don't have to think about her and I can focus on my son.

Something I often see advised is to tend to the toddler first if they are both crying.  I disagree with this.  I do it case by case and always explain to DS if DD needs to come first.  When she cries he is very sensitive to that and tries to troubleshoot with me.

If you have help for the first week then let your DH do as much as he possibly can with your DD.  I barely saw my son for the first week.  I spent all the time I could nursing/holding DD.  That way when DH went back to work, we were pros at BF'ing.  I 'knew' her.  My supply was great.  So it was 1 less thing to worry about when I HAD to focus on my son.

Good luck!  Having two is wonderful.

caleta

I wanna know this too!!!

DandelionMom

One more thing: If you ever decide to take a nap with the baby when your toddler is at preschool, set an alarm! 

luvbrettnizzy

Awesome post idea and great answers! Thanks and keep em coming!!