Stay at Home Moms
So Long Astoria
member
Do you judge other mothers?
So Long Astoria
member
Be honest. That "flame-worthy" post about SAHM's that take 3 days of breaks led me to this question.
If you do judge other mothers (and hell, who doesn't), what irks you the most? WHY do you feel the need to judge?
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Re: Do you judge other mothers?
I think what irks me most are moms who willingly leave young babies to go on vacation. I can understand needing a break, but wait awhile, or do just an overnight or weekend trip, not a week or more. That said, I hope I'm not offending anyone on this board.
Yes I judge others. I try not to, and it does take quite a bit to irk me. But when you have selfish people who always put themselves first...I don't like that.
I confess, I do. And I fully expect that other mothers judge me, which is why I felt so guilty going out this morning in sweats and no makeup.
One thing that irks me the most is when moms push their babies around on a hot summer day with their strollers completely enclosed in those stupid plastic rain covers, or sometimes a blanket. I mean, do you want your poor baby to suffocate?! Can you imagine how hot it must get in there? Give the poor thing some air, for God's sake!
Another related irk is when the parent is jogging with their sun visor and shades on, and the baby is completely unprotected without hat or canopy and has sun in their face and is screaming their head off, while their parent jogs happily along to their Ipod.
OK, last one, I also hate to see a mom screaming at or spanking their kid in the store, usually Walmart.
Oh, I TOTALLY judge other mothers. And other fathers. And friends, and family, and anyone else who puts their life out there for me to peruse at my leisure. Just human nature.
And anyone who gets all up in arms about my response can go f themselves for judging it!
I'm judgy about people who believe that because I formula fed my child, she's going to end up way behind other babies. I have a 19 months old who is bright, happy, whip-smart, and never sick. So, I guess I'm not seeing what all the arguments on BF vs. FF are about. I get irritated when other moms get judgey about how I choose to feed my child, especially when I don't really see stark differences between the two.
I don't really judge others unless someone is doing the judging or something unsafe or hateful. I hate the BF vs FF arguments.
If you drive without your baby in a carseat, I'll judge you. If you are in a store and yelling at your kid, I hate you, I'll judge you.
If you have your kid out after midnight or put her in DC while you are a SAHM, I can care less.
I like questions that make you "self examine". Hmm, mostly I agree with previous posts. Having your kids out at inappropriate times: You're at a social event and your kid is clearly tired and wants/needs to go to bed but you don't want to leave. Or, it kills me to see people out with infants in strollers on 13 degree days. Have you ever sat on a bench at a football game in the dead of winter? No matter how many blankets you have on you're f*cking freezing when you're not moving.
Or feeding sweets/drinks other than BM/F to kids under 1. There's no reason other than your lazy or you want to satisfy you're own f-ed up needs. Babies don't know what these things are b/c they've never had them, they can't ask for them, there's no nutritional value to them...what's the point?
Well, go ahead and judge me. DH and I are going on vacation for a week without DD. We've been planning it since August, and can't wait for a week of zoning out, sleeping in, and going out to nice dinners without dodging peas, sippie cups, and cheerios being thrown. And I guess since she throws her food, you can judge me for that too. (grab those pearls and gasp now)
I'm ready for my judging as well. I left my 6m baby with my parents for 12 days and spent part of that time traveling with some girlfriends and the rest of the time drinking, sleeping in, and sexing up the hubster.
I think the only thing that makes me judge other moms is when they aren't taking good care of their children... examples: babies in really dirty clothes, snot all over their faces, bottles filled with soda/kool aid, bare feet in cold weather, etc... and sadly these things are all too common around here.
Other than that I think I'm pretty open minded and not really judgmental at all. To each their own
Hannah
The things that irk me are saying no to the kid and then letting them have it once they throw a fit. I'm sure we've all done this to some extent, but I'm talking more about parents who let the kid dictate what they do.
I also have a hard time with parents not paying attention to when their kid needs to eat. I don't know how many times I've seen family or friends go four or five hours without feeding their toddlers. They still need a balanced, scheduled diet.
Lastly, I HATE when parents say things to their kids like "you're a brat" or "you're the devil child". I think it sets them up to be pre-defined and misses the opportunity to instill appropriate behavior.
I find that I have my own "what is correct" opinions: what is the correct way to raise my child, what is the correct way to discipline my child, what is the correct way to schedule her day based on her needs, etc. but all around, I am an extremely independent thinker that honestly just doesn't compare myself to others and I have never thought MY way was the only way nor the "right" way.
I don't judge in any respect, I just don't care enough to waste the time to criticize someone for any reason! I don't know anything about them and can only base my opinions on my own experiences, morals and opinions and I honestly believe that what works for ME doesn't necessarily work for anyone else. I just keep my thoughts to myself because that's how I was raised.
I do admit that I have had those moments where I have seen outrageous behavior from another parent and cringed or raised my eyebrows but, like driving by a bad accident on the highway: once I get a glimpse, I look away quickly and go on about my day. I don't stop long enough to form an opinion about something that doesn't concern me.
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
In my line of work I see a lot of bad parenting, neglect, and abuse. I will judge you if your child has scabies and not enough to eat because you "can't afford it" but spend the entire time on your iPod and laptop while he is in the hospital. That was my most recent sad parenting example.
As per pp, I could not care less if you ff/bf, cd/dd, CIO/AP. Just don't parent my child and I won't parent yours.
Yes, to some degree, we all judge each other, but it is a choice. I have chosen not to put too much time and energy into having opinions about what total strangers do with their kids.
Ditto!! My brother and SIL do this all the time, it drives me nuts! And they wonder why their kids don't ever listen to them and why they are having behavior problems with them now.
The other thing that totally irks me is what some people will feed their kids. I cannot stand to see infants with pop/juice in their bottles. I also remember being out one time and seeing this woman with her infant (looked about 3-4 months) and was giving her ice-cream and dripping either juice or pop into her mouth from her straw.
I don't at all judge about the whole BF/FF or SAH/WOH. I also don't judge on different discipline techniques (unless you are beating your child).
I must say i Judge other mothers. I know I shouldn't.
I really hate when a mom can't take 6 weeks off after having a baby. I think it is horrible. YOUR baby needs you. I HATE when you are @ a restuarant and the kids are throwning a fit and mom and dad are having a conversation. When the parents go on a 4 day vacation 2 months after having a baby.
However my lo has horrible reflux and I am the only one that can feed him and when he out grows it My dh and I are so going a way for a weekend. Or we will never have another baby. I have been a total B!tch lately.
I really don't care about the bm/ff debate everyones life is so different.
I agree about no caring if you FF/BF, CIO/AP, CD, etc.
I can't understand neglectful parents, but think that's just common normal mom vs. mom that may lose her kids to social services.
I agree with pp about really filthy infants (not mobile age, but like 4-5 months old wearing clothes just covered in filth). I get it (DD spit carrots all over herself laughing while she ate and we had to stop at the store on the way home from the visit and she looked a mess:(, but filth is another matter. Mobile and I can sorta see the parents side of the story. Parents did it, and I'm confused.
Parents that hate the Parenting part of their job. We know a couple that each try to get home later than the other b/c they don't want to be the one that has to pick up their LO from daycare. The rule is whoever is off first (must be there by 7:15pm) has to get her so they try to out work each other so it's not them. Same goes for who cooks dinner. They are always calling their parents to go get the LO and try to pick her up after her bedtime. On the weekends they always have "work functions" that are purely social and are constantly hiring sitters (like the 12 year old across the street when their LO was 8 weeks old) to go out, come home both hammered from too much wine and complain about how early the LO get's up. I would venture to guess they go entire weeks changing only 1 diaper a day, do no feedings, etc.
Drunkenwife:
There's a huge difference, in my opinion, b/t a mom taking a break after a year, and one taking it within a few months - I'm not judging you, and you certainly can't help it if your baby throws her food (mine loves to drop hers).
The other thing that totally irks me is what some people will feed their kids. I cannot stand to see infants with pop/juice in their bottles. I also remember being out one time and seeing this woman with her infant (looked about 3-4 months) and was giving her ice-cream and dripping either juice or pop into her mouth from her straw.
If you were in TX or FL, I'd say that I was the guilty party
, although it was probably tea or my smoothie (won't do that again). And yes, I do give my baby tiny amounts of sweets from time to time as a treat, yet I just recently started allowing her to have watered-down oj in her sippy cup when she saw me drinking mine and wanted it. I'm a terrible mother, I know.
Ha! I get *the look* quite frequently because I give Kitcat drinks of my tea or my water. And yesterday we were giving her bites of our pizza at costco and received *the look* several times as well (the looks, naturally, came from extra-large moms with tons of bulk-sized crappy food full of HFCS in their shopping carts with litters of supersized kids trailing behind them).