If you live away from family, how will you handle everyone visiting once the baby is born?

deebride04

Hi,

 I am not sure how to handle this. I am thankful that everyone in the family is respectful of my husband and my time with the baby, but they want a general idea of when we will want them to come visit. I know this is pretty personal and differs for everyone, but I would like to hear what everyone else is planning on.

Thanks!

Sequoyah Shoars

you should get a ticker.

we are telling everyone we want one week before anyone comes out. and then not everyone all at once. they can stay at the bed and breakfast down the street, not with us.

Vixey529

All of our family live in Massachusetts/Vermont (we are in Florida). I am not anticipating any of them coming to visit. If they by chance did, our house is small and they would not be staying with us.

snapbean

I have a big family back home and lots of them want to come visit right when the baby is born!!!  DH and I were like....nooooo....My parents are the only ones we want coming right when the baby is born.  Not that we don't love our families....we just don't feel like having tons of people all over the house RIGHT THEN!  My parents can only stay a few days when they do come, then DH's mom will come (it's harder for her to get off work without notice).  After that...I guess we don't really have much of a preference when everyone else comes, we just want a few weeks to ourselves!!!!  It's hard to know exactly when to tell people...you don't really know how you'll feel until you're there in the moment!  Could you tell your family that?  That after you have the baby, you'll let them know when you'll feel ready?

meryltheresa

My mom and DH's grandma will come within the first two weeks.  (He's not close with his mom.) Other than that, people have offered to come and said they would stay in a hotel.  I don't mind people coming, but most would be traveling 5 hours or more, and staying with me DH and baby in a not so large 2 bedroom apartment. SO...i'm happy that most have offered to stay in a hotel.

DSteed-to-be

DH and I will be alone the first week, and then my mom will come stay for 2 weeks to help because DH will be going back to work then.  His parents will come visit sometime later, but not to stay with us.

MattysGirl81

We live in Nevada.  My family is in Maryland, DHs is in California.  My mom plans on coming out for a week pretty soon after the baby is born to help with things like cooking, grocery shopping, etc.  We get along great and I think it will be really nice to have her around.  She'll stay in a hotel so that DH and I can be alone with the baby in the evenings.  My dad will probably come out for a long weekend, then he and my mom will fly back together.

DH's mom also wants to come out after the baby is born, but nothing has been set in stone.  She doesn't have a lot of extra money to spend on a hotel, and she's definitely NOT staying with us, so we're really not sure what she'll end up doing.  DH's dad probably won't come out until the fall sometime. 

yale

DHs family lives far away. We are planning to visit there for a wedding when the baby is about 8 weeks. I think that will deter anyone flying out to visit right after the baby is born.

deb2126

We're asking for at least a week with the baby before people come down to visit. I'm going to be BFing and we've said (even for family who lives here) that while we are in the hospital they can visit all they want but we would like the first week at home to be visitor free so the baby can get used to us, and we can get used to him/her. I've also heard when you are BFing and have visitors it makes it harder at first because there are so many distractions.

Mom2Maya

Our parents live in OH and we're in CA. My mom was here for the birth of both of my kids and then the week after....I was very thankful to have her here b/c she was a big help (cooking, cleaning, letting us sleep, etc.). My IL's came after 3-4 weeks and that was a good amount of time to wait b/c I had an idea about what I was doing (a little ...they aren't so helpful. I think it's a hard call and no matter what you and DH need to decide what's most imp. to YOU then let family know. We were pretty honest/open about what we wanted/needed during the 1st weeks and that was good for everyone. Good luck!

chels0120

My mom will be about 6 hours away and will be down when the baby is born. DH's parents and sister will probably come down a few days after he is born (they are about 7 hours away) and my dad will jump on a plane when I go into labor (he is in CA and we're in UT)

Dodgeball Mama

We do not have any family here. My MIL is flying in for a week after the birth to help out and my SIL who lives 6 hours away will be on Summer break and will come help out as well.

I am planning on going home to NE 6 weeks after the birth, if all goes well and is safe to do, for over a week. There I will spend time with my mother and sister. It is easier than them coming here and I have 2 important weddings in the same weekend I would like to go to and let everyone meet our baby boy.  So that is our game plan. My hubby doesn't like the fact I may leave him and take the baby for a week but I told him to come with me, so that is up to him.

lasirene

I've told them that they are more than welcome to come out, but they all know that they MUST stay at a hotel.  Our house is just not big enough and everyone appreciates everyone else much more when time apart is possible.  I don't really like people in my space, but I'm willing to deal with it during the day...at night is a different story.

DarcyLongfellow

DH's parents and brother are in town, mine are not.  My mom is planning to be here for the birth, and I believe my dad will come down as soon afterwards as he can.  I'm guessing my mom will probably stay for a week or two after the baby's born, my dad for maybe a week or less.

I'm all about having as much family to help as possible -- but my parents are not the type to expect me to wait on them.  If they're there, my house will be clean, my food will be cooked, and they will watch the baby while I nap.  (DH once came home and found my mother with her head in our oven, just scrubbing away.  They were both embarrassed -- he was embarassed that our oven needed scrubbing, she was embarrassed that her behavior was implying that I'm not a perfect housekeeper.  I was just delighted that she felt like cleaning :-) )

If your family is the type to be more work than help, then I say wanting a couple weeks before they come is more than fair.  And I'd tell them ahead of time that they'd better help out!

liongish119

My Mom is planning to be here for the birth and then will stay 1 or 2 weeks after to help us settle in. 

Originally, bff, sis, and other friends also wanted to come for the birth and to help out.  While I felt really lucky to have so many people so excited, I thought a billion people in the house would not be the most relaxing thing - plus I was nervous about so many people coming in contact with baby so early.

Our solution: As it happends, we are moving back to WA from NM (where we are temporarily assigned) when DD is 6 weeks.  As our trip home (the long way:) takes us near everyone (except bff), we thought we'd just bring baby to them (bff will come out in week 5). 

From NM we hit AZ where my sis, grandma, and friends are, through CA (Dad and more friends), then through eastern WA where DH family is, and back to our home in western WA.  Whew! 

We think that the "tour" at 6 weeks is a good time to start because she won't be a new-newborn, I will (hopefully) have the hang of breastfeeding and diaper changing, and I will be put back together again (my doc said that I should be cleared by then for all activities).

 

FazFam

My parents and sister live 6 hours away and will all be flying in for the babys birth. My mom and sister will probably spend 2 weeks with us (in our house, but we have a 5 bedroom home so I am not too concerned with feeling too crowded, if it was our old condo I would feel different). My MIL/SIL I am sure will be a big help, but they both just live within 15 minutes of us so will be by to visit frequently.

Then when baby is about 6-8 weeks, I plan to fly to Ca for a week to visit all my friends and family.

ajk612

My IL's live close so no worries there. My family all lives in different states. My parents will be coming and my Mom will stay for a couple weeks, my dad probably a week. I know I will want her here and we will need her to help us with the babies. My sisters only have a 2hr drive so that won't be an issue. We only have 2 bedrooms. The nursery has a spare bed for my parents but if anyone else wanted to stay..I guess they'd need a hotel or sleep on a couch. My sister has 6 yr olds and I think it will be way too crazy to have them staying here for an overnight. They're too rambuncious. My bro & his family will come for the christening so, we will need to get a hotel for them. I am extremely close with my family and having twins so I will need all the help I can get. But...I just don't think I can handle the little ones running around, so they may have to stay home w/ their dad..which could cause issues, but what can you do! Once my mom leaves, my MIL will take vacation and come help doubt she would sleep here since she lives so close. Issue is DH works nights so...when his vaca ends, I will not be turning down help.

peachypear

My parents, DH's parents, and perhaps DH's sister will be visiting, but they haven't pinned down their schedules. We said they'd be welcome at any time, but that we can only have one couple stay at our house at a time (because of space). I suspect that my parents will come immediately after the baby is born (because they live within a short drive) and then DH's parents and/or sister will come a week or so later (because they live further away and need more lead time). DH's family may also come up early, particularly if I'm on bedrest. I'd love to have them stay with us from day 1, since we could use any help we can get.

(I should say that my parents, DH's parent, and his sister are all easy house guests and understand that they are coming to help us out as well as see the baby - friends and family who won't be helpful will have to drop-in only. No staying with us and no long term visits. I'm not baby-sitting any adults after I have a newborn to look after).

cmd78

With DS we wanted to have time alone just DH and I and the baby, then let other people come visit.  I ended up having a lot of delivery complications and a difficult recovery and DH had to go back to work sooner than expected.  The combination made for a really stressful experience.  My mom was able to come down and spend 2 weeks on short notice and it was a Godsend, plus she was really good about respecting mine and DH's time together and with the baby.

This time I know I'm going to have a c-section and DS will be 2.5 and need extra attention so I'm accepting all offers of help that family and friends are willing to give!  My mom is coming for 1 week, my sister is coming for a week and my best friend is coming for a week.    

Pesky

We had planned my parents to be there when the baby was born (thankfully a neighbor helped but many new parents prefer not to have help during the first week).  Then SIL came for a few days.  Then MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL and their 4 YO came.  Bit much of a household but nice to have others there to help with the 4YO who was spoiled.  This time around, we'd prefer to stagger them but likely will have his mom here for the baby's birth to take care of DD, his dad will come shortly afterwards when the reunion is over and my parents right afterwards with some likely overlap for a few days.

liddia

DH will take 2 weeks of paternity leave when DS is born and his biggest job will be take care of DD since my hands will be full with the new babe. My mom, sister, and maybe stepdad are coming up from IN and NC for the 4th of July to stay about a week.

Later in the month, DH mom and dad are coming in from Alaska. His brother might stop by for a day or two on his way to London for the summer. Luckily, his sister hasnt said anything about coming up here. (Her and I don't get along)

Then DH has invited his siblings to come here for turkey day, so if nothing else, they will meet the baby then. 

Jacquie_Palma

My situation is the complete opposite.  All of my family and DH's family live close by, the farthest is maybe a 20 minute drive.  I absolutely love being so close to everyone so we can see them often.  The draw back is that when the baby is born, I know there will be people showing up CONSTANTLY to see the baby.  My family has absoultely no concept of privacy.

BeeLove

hotels.com

KatB12

My parents are coming for about 2-3 weeks depending on when they baby arrives. They live in NC and we are in NY and my mom's school starts back mid august.They are extremely helpful and plan to help cook and clean and help with the dog. We have plenty of room so it isn't an issue. My brother will probably drive up once we are home from the hospital.

DH's family- we have no idea they are only 3 1/2 hours away, they will probably come one time while my parents are here but not for more than 2 days.

sept9thbride

My MIL and FIL wanted to come before the baby is due and then stay for a few months to help out - DH said HELL NO! They live in FL and they stay with us while they are visiting, so that is not an option. We told them that they could come after the baby is born for a week - I'm hoping to make it about 2 weeks after she's born though. MIL seemed fine with it. We'll see. We'll never know when they really schedule their flight until they tell us.

It's nice that your family is understanding. If anyone is planning staying with you, I'd had them come at least 2 weeks after the baby is born. If it's just day trips and they will stay for a few hours, maybe after 1 week. I'm just using the excuse that DH and I want time with her ourselves since DH travels and will only have about 1 week paternity leave.

techsan1298

DD was born in right in the middle of flu season last year. So no one could come unless they had a flu shot, and no kids at all. My mom came up for 2wks after she born. My MIL came up a week after that. I was so greatful for the help. Everyone else wait until May to visit. We plan to do the same with #2.