Who is right?

JstnJL

My DH and I got into a huge fight tonight because I refused to go to his parent's house for dinner tonight.

Let me give you some background: my FIL has been a jerk and causing drama for the past 9 years.  He has severe mental issues (he is currently in therapy and supposedly taking medication) He held a gun to MIL head on Christmas Eve over something stupid.  They have 10 cats all over their house (I am allergic to) and refuse to put away (but my dogs have to be shut away whenever they come over) I get very stressed and uncomfortable when I am around them, and DH knows this. 

So MIL calls DH to invite us over for dinner tonight.  I have been at work all day and had plans to get things done around our house this evening (we are supposed to get several inches of snow) DH called and informed me that we would be going over there to eat.  I told him No, I had already made my plans and that I could not eat anything at their house (every meal has cat hair in it) and I just could not deal with their drama.  He became very upset with me and spouted off that he would never do anything with my family again (my family is great to us and have never caused any drama, hell they gave DH a job when he was laid off!) I told him I understood that he was upset but I just could not deal with his FIL.  He went on to his parents and I stayed at home.

My question is, who is wrong? Me or DH? I understand he wants me to do things with this family, which I do (except his parents) Should I have sucked it up and gone or did I make the right decision? TIA!

CalinsBride

I would most-definitely not have gone, and I think he is being unreasonable. If I was EVER around someone who would hold a loaded gun against someone because they were fighting, my DH would not allow me or my children to be in the person's home again. Your personal safety is at risk.

amberwc

He should have asked before committing to it for you. 

Starlette1983

CalinsBride:

I would most-definitely not have gone, and I think he is being unreasonable. If I was EVER around someone who would hold a loaded gun against someone because they were fighting, my DH would not allow me or my children to be in the person's home again. Your personal safety is at risk.

Ditto!!!

jensahokie

Well, normally I would say that you have to have a pretty even balance, BUT... I would probably NEVER go back if FIL is that unstable.  What if he tried to pull something like that on you?  I would be scared to death!  I would try to tell DH that you understand b/c if things were reversed (not about the whole unstable gun part), you would want him to go to dinner at your parents.  However, you are really tired and during pregnancy, sometimes if it's not OUR parents we just don't feel like it.  I feel that way with m ILs and try to suck it up when I can, but it's just too much with the pg, too.

I hope things work out, but I am glad you are not going over there!

Neudorfer

you should have sucked it up and gone - they are still his parents.  i would have insisted the cats be put away though as a term of agreement

emclarenicks

I don't think I would go even minus the Mentally ill in law.  10 cats and you're allergic.... YUK....snow is headed your way too.....Doesn't sound all that great, especially after working all day!

ejm

Couldn't agree more with the prevous posts. ?Maybe in the future you could suggest that get togethers take place at a restaurant or something...

Neudorfer

WHOA! i skimmed and missed the loaded gun part- i take back what i said, i would not go anywhere near that- not safe, not cool- your dh needs to wake up.

JCM052707

You were right IMO. No way would I EVER go be around someone w/ mental issues holding guns to people's heads.

nursereuvers

That sounds a bit scary. I think I would have stayed home too.

vicki21

I don't think it's an issue of right v. wrong, but of safety. If your FIL is as crazy as you say and held a gun to his wife's head, I would not be going back to that house. And if MH couldn't understand my concern, then we would have big issues.....

Mama Jan

Well, I was done when you said gun.  I would never have gone over there again, period.  DH would know that and there would never be a question about it.  An unstable man with a gun?  Seriously?

You need to sit down and have a serious talk with your DH about why you are uncomfortable there and you need to work together on how to resolve this - meet at restaurants? Have them over to your house only?

I will not go to my ILs again just because of the smoke from their cigarettes and marijuana.  They are not invited over any more after MIL had her own little meltdown and lost control while holding my brand newborn DS.  We meet them at restaurants.  That's it.

Mama Jan

Neudorfer:

WHOA! i skimmed and missed the loaded gun part- i take back what i said, i would not go anywhere near that- not safe, not cool- your dh needs to wake up.

Yeah, I was a little surprsied at your first post. LOL.

tandt92505

I'm going to side with you on this one. For the obvious reasons (gun and cats), but also because I'm not a fan of being commited to something without being consulted. You were right to not put up a fight about him going, but to make your own decision.

Suparstarz714

I wouldn't have gone.  I hate going to my SIL just because thier dog is like the worst dog ever, its bit DH a couple of times and jumps all over you when you walk in, and like growled and snapped at BIL, bit the neighbor so bad the little boy had to have surgrey on his hand.  Needless to say once baby is born we definitly wont be going over anymore. 

beth thacker

The fact that your allergic to the cats is enough of a reason not to go. Your pregnant and don't need to be put in a situation where you could have an allergic reaction to something.

Mrs.Carlybella

even if there was no drama or relationship issues-  i would say dh needs to ask you before committing to something, i hate finding out we have plans i knew nothing about...  add in all the drama and it is a def. no no

Jen&Joe06

I don't think it is an issue of who is right. I would not have gone based on what you have posted. I would sit down with your husband and express your concerns to him.