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2nd Trimester
Anyone's parents NOT like your DH before or after?
My fiance and I have been having some bad problems lately... I've written about them on here. But what's making it worse is my parents... I understand that they are upset that he keeps making me upset, but at the same time, it's my life and my decision on what to do. They keep telling me that I 'Will not see him.... will NOT talk to him.... will NOT get back together with him..." etc...
Anyone else have any similar problems? If so, how did you handle it? I'm going freaking nuts right now, and to make it worse, I'm staying at their house because my FI and I were supposed to be moving in together soon.
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Re: Anyone's parents NOT like your DH before or after?
I've never had that problem, but I can see why they are being like that. Believe it or not, they can look at the situation much more objectively than you and are probably right...
This is a really good reason why, if you DON'T want their opinion on things or them to judge your FI/DH/BF you don't share any fights, etc with them. DH and I have been together almost 9 years and haven't had any major problems, but if we have a tift I never go running to my parents to tell them about it.
Trust me, I wish I could go back in time to take back telling them about everything. Now that I have more information and am starting to feel better about the situation, they don't want to hear any of it. They don't believe me.
While DH and I were dating it was long distance. I can't tell you the amount of times that we've broken up. For a while it was on a three month schedule. haha For a majority of it, I was living with my parents while I was going to college. My dad has had the harder time liking him, but my dad has his own problems (they ended up getting divorced about 2yrs ago).
I'd just try to remember that they're your parents and they don't want to see you hurt. As frustrating as it might be. Maybe you need to tell them that its your decision if you talk to him or see him.
Yeah you really can't expect them to like him when they're hearing/seeing all the bad stuff he's done/doing. I'm sure he's not TOTALLY bad maybe try reminding them of the good things since they already have such a negative view of him. That is if you really want it to work. I haven't read any of your previous posts so I don't know the situation. Good luck with it though!
This is one thing my mom brought up to me the other day... that they never liked him from the beginning. That I kept telling them he was different around me, but they never believed it. They wanted better for me, and I'll find it... etc... I just don't want to make them mad by telling them that I want to try and work it out with my fiance, again... but at the same time, I feel like I'm 23 and I should be able to make my own decisions.
If they didn't love him from the beginning (why didn't they like him? How was he different around them vs. you? That is a huge red flag to me. A man should be a saint around your parents!) I can see why, after he's potentially cheated on you (multiple times?), they really don't like him.
When I first started dating my husband 5 years ago, he and my mom would argue a lot. It took some time, but they eventually put their differences aside and they love each other now. Thankfully, they've been getting along great for a majority of our relationship. I'm sure if my husband would've ever done anything to hurt me, then my parents would have a huge problem with him. I'm sure they would have the same reaction as your parents.
He was a saint around my parents, that was the problem, he was always nervous. He wouldn't talk as much as when he was around me, and they didn't like that. They are VERY judgemental parents... even towards me. (Hell, I'm getting comments about how much I'm eating and how I'm not exercising enough on a daily basis.)
And I am not blinding myself to the things that he has done in the past, I'm not stupid. I completely understand their reasoning, as well as everyone else's when it comes to him. I just don't want them running my life, which is what they are doing right now. Only I know what truly goes on between him and I, and everyone else hears pieces and bits.
the relationship you have with your future husband is obviously not one where issues and problems are shared only between you two. in order to have a real marriage you really must be a team and refuse to air your dirty laundry to anyone else. i love my parents to death and consider them some of my best friends but if i ever would have an issue with dh i wouldn't drag them into the situation. instead, i'd concentrate my efforts on working things out with my husband.
that being said there's a reason my parents love my husband. he treats me with total respect and puts me above everything else and i do the same with him. i know that if they didn't like him there'd be a real reason for that so maybe your parents really have a reason to not like him that you cannot objectively discern at this time.
Only YOU can LET them run your life. If you truly believe he's a good guy and everything then let that be shown through examples of it working out if you go back to him. It's your choice, not theirs. Stand up for what you want and just do it.
This I completely understand, and have been told my someone else. I guess I've just always been controlled by them, on most aspects of my life, and so I'm really scared to go against them. I gotta grow some balls and tell them... It's just hard for me to do, I guess.
Yes. I think that's the real issue here. If you're confident in your choices they will see eventually that you made the right ones.
Have you thought about therapy? I don't mean that in a bad way, but it sounds like it could really be helpful to you (and FI too maybe). I went to therapy when I was going through infertility and it helped me so, so much.
I hate to assume because not all parents are like this, but if you tell them that you're 23 and want to make this decision on your own and god forbid it doesn't work out they should still be there for you. It's not like you're spitting in their face and saying to go to hell, just that you want to do this on your own and give it a try. It's really hard to do things without your parents but I've been there and it will always work out. I do agree with JCM as well, maybe some couples counseling will benefit you guys and that might be just the right step to showing your parents that he really does care about you and is willing to try and make it work.
Why would your parents tell you how and when you could talk to your husband? I dont get it. Are you a grownup? I don't think my parents would even know if we had a fight because they are very seperate from our lives.
I think you need to set some boundaries. Sorry you are dealing with this. DH is the one guy I have dated that my parents LOVED from the start, so we are lucky enough not to have that issue.
I agree with this 100%