Help me out here! (Shower Drama Already!) Long!

Rinners

Ok here is a tad of a background story:

My lovely MIL no matter what the situation is tries to make everything all about her. From being upset that we didnt actually buy a present for her birthday, not getting what she really wants for Christmas, to throwing a fit this last Mothers Day because we didnt "do" Mothers day this year because of a m/c that we had just endured. (Yeah who the hell wants to think about Mothers Day when they just found out they were not going to be a mother after all?)

Anyhow, I have a very good friend that when I found out that I was pregnant offered right away to host a baby shower. Sounded great to me! She is a great friend of mine, she is an old gf of DH , and honestly I couldnt ask for a better friend. She helped out tons with the wedding, Im the MOH in her upcoming wedding, basically its a great friendship for all of us involved.

So since she offered to do all of this for me, I spoke with my mom and she was excited, and wanted to see if she could go in with her because my side of the family is fairly small. I think if we had a shower on my side there may be like 6 people there. No big deal. So they started to work out some details. I had spoken with my MIL, she did not seem very interested in anything that these two were planning, so I asked her to provide a short list of people that she thought should be invited to this shower. Very close family and friends to limit it. Well 2 months down the road she has decided to throw a fit. She finally decided that she wants in on this shower, since I told her that I cant get another weekend off, and with all the events that happen in our town around that time getting another place to have the shower would be hell.

They all proceed to discuss things they want to do, and how many people should be invited. They agree that the moms lists should not include any more than 25 people a peice, and then whoever I decide on as far as friends are concerned. Great, I was hoping for a small list from MIL as she invited over 600 people alone to our wedding and how am I to expect that my friend and mother pay for all those  extra people which isnt fair.

That all being said, we picked a date far enough down the road that could work for everyone. (June for crying out loud!) We both work at our local casino, so getting weekends off must be planned far in advance. Well now all of a sudden the dates dont work for MIL. MIL's list has gone from 25 to 40 people and it is continuing to grow every day. She made a comment to my friend that she shouldnt have any part of a baby shower it should be left up to the mothers. Says she has never heard of friends throwing a shower before in her life. She also wants to invite my friends sister because she works with her, and my friend and her sister do not speak, (thats a nasty story in itself)!

I dont want to upset anyone here, but it seems that what started out as a really nice gesture on my friends part has gone to stabbing her in the back. I want my friend to be a part of all of this, after all she is the one that got the ball rolling. My mom is trying like hell to stay out of the middle of  it, and my DH dosent know what to do anymore.

Any advice on how to handle the MIL situation would be appreicated as I have run out of ideas and am going to bang my head on the wall if this gets any crazier!

nerdsbride

Tell your MIL to cool it.  Simple as that.  IF she wants to be involved, she will learn to act like an adult.

krstokes

Wow... sounds like something that was intended as a very nice gesture by a friend has been turned into a bit of a nightmare for you.... IMO since your friend started the ball rolling and offered to help with the shower I would let her continue with it... after all it's about you and the baby... so if I were you I would probably step in with suggestions that are feasible for you and might possibly satisfy everyone involved... GL...

volleydiva

OMG!  I don't know what to say, I would have to tell her that this is the day we have to do an that we have to limit the guest list.  If she throws a fit than that is her problem and she'll either get over it or don't come.  I mean this isn't about her and if she doesn't like it then she can take a hike.  I feel bad for your friend as she is the kindest one in this whole thing, I mean she offered to do this right off the bat. 

Yellowtulip

Yikes! ?I guess since it sounds like she is going to complain no matter what, maybe stick to your guns about when the shower is and how many people can be invited. ?Then maybe treat her the same way you would with a kid throwing a tantrum. ?Don't back down and ignore her bad behavior. ?If she doesn't come, then she doesn't come.

Rinners

I know it, I would love to tell her to stick all this bs where the sun dosent shine, however she is a tad emotional, and then I am the big Bi*ch like normal with everything!  I just feel so horrible for my friend who is stuck now in the middle with all of this crap when it was supposed to be her planning everything and now MIL wants to run the show. GRRRRR!

alaskabride2be

Sorry your MIL is being a PITA. I would just stick to what you have already told her and that this is the day that the shower will be. So and So is hosting, so please have your list of people to her by this date and there can only be the limit you already gave her on her list. If there is more they will not be invited due to a limited amount of space or whatever you want to tell her. Like others have said, she will either get over it or not come. It after all is not a shower for her it is for you and your baby! Try and not let her bad attitude get to you and try and tell your friend that too! Good Luck

jensahokie

My ILs are similar... they focus on what they want, this is their grandkid, etc.  I would remind her that while you are sure she is excited and just wants you to have a great shower, this is your baby and you and DH made the decision to accept your friend's offer.  I would tell her that you hope she supports your decision because you have a lot on your plate and that the bottom line is that your friend is in charge and the guest list will have to be limited.  It is YOUR family and your baby.  She may be the MIL, but she's not the boss anymore.  I think sometimes they actually feel threatened by the baby... DH's focus may shift!

Good luck!

Jenny3

Be firm with her. It's on this date and she can have 25 people. Anyone else, then she will have to pay for them herselves (provided the place you are going to can accommodate them)

Sounds like she's being difficult just to put the attention back on her! This is not about what she wants. Can your DH talk to her?