s/o: Things that go on in your head (what's yours?)

sundot

Ever since I posted that I need a clean house to feel balanced (and that I'm pretty neurotic about a clean/picked-up house) I feel like every time I post something someone out in Nestieland is thinking, "well, Sundot's on a lot today--I bet her house is a disaster."

Thank You for letting me get that off my chest...

 

mcurban

Mine is a TOTAL downer, so I apologize in advance...but I do need to get it out.

I know that I am supposed to remain positive w/ all that is going on w/ DH, but I am a worrier by nature. There are times where I am watching Jon and Jack play and I have to leave the room b/c I can't stand the thought of losing him. 

Then, to make this even MORE of a downer, one of the only things that helps me get those thoughts out of my head is remembering that people die (randomly) every day and at least we got the slap in the face that we needed to really try to savor every moment. 

Again...sorry. It's what's in my head these days.

lilrunner

Sundot - I am the same way.  If there is anything out of place in our house, it drives me batty. 

Mcurban - that made me cry.  Oddly enough, I think about that stuff all the time.  My BFF says I'm morbid.  I think it's more that I'm realistic.  You guys are always in my thoughts and pray that your DH lives a long, happy, and healthy life.

FeistyFille

MC, I can only imagine what you guys are going through every day as far as those scary thoughts that for the most part go unsaid.  I'm sorry. 

 

What's in my head recently is not nearly so profound.  It's actually a lot more shallow & silly...

Of my friends who have recently had babies, they ALL have shrunk back down to nothing 3-4 months PP.  I'm worried that I'll be this haggard, stretched-out beast for-e-ver.

I think this is because my belly has exploded in the last 3 weeks...

lovemydog

J has really bad acne (it's beyond baby acne and it's so bad that our pedi wants us to see a pediatric dermatologist about it).  Along the same vein as MrsRosie, I worry that the teachers at daycare think I don't wash my kid and that's why his acne is so bad.

austxgrl

After I lost my job DH and I contemplated going back on BCP or using some type of BC until I was hired on perm at my current temp job.  We decided not to use any BC because it is not like we can get pregnant on our own anyway, and if we did it would be the most amazing blessing and we would really love for that to happen.  So we are not on bc, but also not trying since I have so many infertilities.  Anyway, I am constantly thinking that I am pregnant.  It is non.stop in my head constantly.  There is really no way for me to know if and/or when I ovulate every cycle, so I am constantly trying to count 14 days from EVERY SINGLE time we bd and take a test.  I am literraly spending more money on tests than I care to even think about.  As a matter of fact, I just took a test today at lunch.  That is how bad it is.  Then I try to talk myself down by reminding myself that I could not get pregnant WITH fertility treatments, so what in the world am I thinking that all of a sudden we can get pregnant.  Then I tell myself that maybe we actually can get pregnant becuase everyone says that it will happen when we quit trying.  It really is a vicious circle. 

BTW, the test at lunch was negative.  Just like ever other test that I have taken for the past two years.  What did I expect???? 

MrsBeckO

MC - That brought me to tears. You are always always in our prayers.

As for me and my crazy thoughts - For all the times I am told by someone that I have some sort of advantage when it comes to parenting because of my experience, I have exponentially more thoughts throughout the day that I will be a terrible parent. I am terrified of how I will handle things in a more sleep deprived state, I am terrified that I will be hyper-sensitive to every situation when the baby is actually ours and all responsibility falls squarely on our shoulders. I don't feel?like I have any kind of leg up - in fact, a lot of the things I've dealt with professionally for the last 6 years now seem kind of foreign to me in this personal capacity. ?

rssnlvr

I'm wondering if I'm somehow a bad mommy-to-be if I spent the entire time in BRU today hoping Cosmo is a girl just so that I can buy all the cute sundresses and rompers and sandals.

 

 

spideyswifey

MC- Thoughts to you, I admire your strength.

I have constant thoughts that something could happen to me during or after birth and I could die. These thoughts have haunted me throughout my PG which has been completely normal and dare I say, easy. I dunno if it is from reading too much into blogs/stories like matt and madeline or what. I've found myself writing down where everything is in the house, what foods are in the freezer and vazrious how-to's for DH, just in case... On a positive note, I do not feel anymore anxious about birth or labor even knowing that it is around the corner. Weird, I know...

BoxerMomma

i constantly have visions of DD falling and hurting herself, usually landing on her head. I imagine her falling off the bed, into the deep freeze in the garage, onto the coffee table, onto the concrete floors, etc. it makes me nervous when other people hold her b/c i have these visions.?

ali-1411

I constantly plan out what we will do when DH loses his job.

I have no reason to think he will lose his job.  Its just that everything has been going well for us financially for awhile now, and that just doesn't happen to me.  Its always something, and I'm always broke.  I constantly think about money and do we have enough in savings and what would we do if....on and on.

I'm like Scarlett O'Hara or something

cia

I am paranoid that if we get pg right now (we are not trying) that people's first thought will be "well, we know THAT wasn't planned" because I have been very forthcoming about our timeline, and that our timeline is still about a year out.

I keep thinking that I will get pg any cycle now because I have been on the pill for 10 years, and since it's not 100% effective, I'm bound to get pg one of these days, in fact the longer i'm on it, the more likely I am to get pg.  (CRAZY, i know.)

Then I think, well maybe I'm not pg yet because I actually have infertility issues and it's not the pill that is preventing pregnancy, but my own body.

And then I think that because I am good with babies, and really like them, that I will have a baby with problems, defects, unhealthiness, or some other lifelong tragedy because I can somehow "handle" more, so I will get a tougher lot.

AustinMimi

cia:

Then I think, well maybe I'm not pg yet because I actually have infertility issues and it's not the pill that is preventing pregnancy, but my own body.

I have started to have this exact same fear and worry that I am spending time and energy (and not to mention $$) preventing something that might not ever happen. And then I think "Why bother with BC?" and then I think "Because it would be a bad idea to get pg right now." And then I have a hard time remembering why, even though my life is crazy consumed with work right now. This site is a major escape for me from worrying about career stuff. It is a ridiculously bad time for getting a job in my field right now.

It all boils down to the collisions of several vicious cycles, all of which make me fear that I am becoming neurotic and insulated from other people.

cookie1and2

MC--your post brought tears to my eyes too. ?Hugs and prayers. ?

?I also think a lot about dh not being around. ?He has seizures, and we always just say he has epilepsy, because that's the easiest explanation, but the truth is he has a spot on his brain that's the grey and white matter mixed where it shouldn't be. ?There, I said it. ?And this started when he was 27, and has been progressively growing. ?There are some days where he has little seizures several times a day--the entire left side of his body shakes and he can't speak. ?He's on epilepsy meds to control it, but there are days that the meds don't do their job, and it scares me. ?He's only had 2 grand mal (i.e. completely unconscious) seizures since we've been married, but that's 2 too many. ?I'm always worried that he'll have a third while he's driving. ?He's not allowed (our rules, not drs. rules) to drive alone with the kids, which puts extra pressure on me. ?He's due for a routine mri and I'm afraid that they'll say that the area has grown, which is terrifying, because what happens when it grown uncontrollably? ?He's 35 now. ?What's it going to be like when he's 40 and the kids are in elementary school? ?He can't continue to go on stronger and stronger meds. ?So that worries me. ?I just hope that they're all wrong about the diagnosis. ?The neurologist told us that we couldn't have a baby girl (crazy, huh?) and that any miscarriages that I had would probably be a girl that wasn't viable because of dh. ?We proved them wrong there..... ?Anyway, it worries me a lot, and SO many people don't understand it and misread the pressure it puts us under, and have made harsh judgements our way because of it. ? ???

nanann

Oh cookie! I had no idea it was that bad or scary!  The driving thing is completely understandable but that has to be a total hardship.  Hopefully a new mri will not show any growth -- y'all are in our prayers.