Pregnancy and friends

notlori925

This is my first time posting on this board.  I just found out today we are expecting our second.  Long story short, my husband brought it up last month and we said okay we'll try.  We tried twice early this month but then I said I wanted to wait to lose a few pounds first...but obviously that's not going to happen.  Anyway, the one thing I didn't consider was my best friend.  She has had T-TTC and just had an IUI and got a BFN.  I decided to wait till 12 weeks to say anything, hoping she will get pregnant by then.  Now though, I feel like a bad friend for getting pregnant.  I know that may sounds wierd but I just feel like I should have waited until she at least got a BFP before trying.  Am I crazy?  Anyone been in this situation and how did you/your friend handle it?  I just don't want her to hate me. 

 

amos07

I don't think that she will hate you.  It took me and my husband awhile to get pregnant and I never had those feelings towards any of my friends when they got pregnant. Sure she may be a little dissapointed but I wouldn't feel bad about your pregnancy, you should be able to enjoy it.  If she's a good friend i'm sure she will be happy for you.

wildride

You should never have to time your PG around others. ?If she is really your BF, then there should not be a problem. ?What if she didn't get a BFP for months? ?you have to try when it's right for you.

I also have a little guilt because we got PG so quickly and my SIL (who is a dear friend also) and one of my best friends have been trying for over a year. ?I haven't told the friend yet because i haven't seen her... but i admit I'm a little nervous.?

sandollar

From hearing other people's stories on here, it sounds like you just need to be sure not to complain about PG symptoms around them, just be sensitive and they should be happy for you.?

Jaime Hecksher

My best friend had a miscarriage three weeks before I found out I was pregnant.  I told her right away.  I explained that I was very ambivalent about telling her, but she is my best friend and I wanted her to know.  She explained that she was happy for me but sad for her.

 My first pregnancy it took me 15 months to get pregnant.  Toward the end of trying I would be sad when someone told me they were pregnant, but I was never mad or angry at them.

Operanne

Congratulations!  It sounds like you're really sensitive to the issue which will help your BF be happy for you. 

sungirlash

I have a very close friend who has been trying for 2 years to get pregnant. I was only off the pill one month, not really expecting to get pregnant right away,but here I am now. I was really nerveous to tell her and I felt bad for getting pregnant befor her. (I know, it's silly) She was so happy for me though. I think your friend will feel sad for herself, but very happy for you. I think it would be better to tell her sooner than 12 weeks.

Ehrenow

I had a miscarriage a couple of weeks before my BF found out she was pregnant. I'm now 11 weeks and she's since miscarried at 22 weeks. I'm flying out to spend a week with her and grieve with her.

Things happen, good and bad. It's more important to be there for your friend. And hope she will be there for you. She will get her baby, it'll just take some time.?

notlori925

thanks for the advice everyone.  I think you are right.  I think she will be sad but at least a little happy.  And as a previous poster suggested if I do get any symptoms I will try not to complain.  I was lucky with my first.  No M/S, no sore anything, just the worlds worst heartburn.  So I really had nothing to complain about. 

At1stsight

Do not feel guilty - you're bringing a life into a loving family and that's wonderful news you never should feel ashamed of. My best friend not only has had T-TTC, she had a miscarriage and then had a beautiful baby boy who passed away at 2 days old. I was with her and supportive of her through all of this like I'm sure you've been supportive of your friend here. My bff knew we had started TTC and what I did was tell her at 6w (when we each told some very close personal friends) via email so that she had time to digest and react on her own. I told her that I understood if she didn't want to talk about it with me right away and that I will let her call me whenever she feels up to it. I also focused on how I love her and am praying for her and her hubby to conceive too because I would really love to go through this with her.

She took a few days to reply - when she did, she said how happy she was for us and how glad she was that I told her. If she's really a best friend, she wants to know. I would NOT wait to tell her at 12w unless you're not telling any other friends up to that point. Good luck!