I don't belong here (long)... — The Bump
Pregnant after 35

I don't belong here (long)...

Well, I am over 35 (37 to be exact) but I am not pregnant.  But I am very bummed and need some encouragement.

I was pregnant briefly but had a miscarriage two days after Xmas.  How about that for a "gift?"  Anyway, I just completed cycle one and have moved on to cycle two since the m/c.  I was really hoping that we would get pg the first cycle out of the m/c but it didn't happen.  I bawled my eyes out - silly, I know, since it was only one cycle.  Anyway, this cycle is lost and gone because my DH is in Europe for work for two weeks...yep, next week is my O week (according to counting the days from the start of AF - I don't chart or anything).  So March may be out.

I guess I am just really bummed.  Afraid that I will NEVER get pregnant.  I have been hanging out at the TTCAL board.  Those girls are so wonderful and have become like family to me.  But they are all younger than me - some much younger.  So I guess I needed to reach out to those of you who are over 35 for some encouragement.

Plus, to top it all off...my DH's sister is pg and will be finding out the sex on March 5.  I am still having a really hard time with that - STILL.  She is 24 and everything is just going perfect...just like everything seems to in her life.

Anyway, needed a place to vent where my peeps over 35 might understand.  Thanks!

Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Re: I don't belong here (long)...

  • Oh, Dawna, I'm so sorry for your loss. I do understand a little how you feel?those "I'll never get pregnant" feelings. I felt that way when my younger cousins got married before me and had children before I was even married. I didn't get married until last June at the age of 38. I'll be 39 by the time I have my baby.

    There's another board for us "over 35's"?TTC after 35.  The link is here:https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/4236747/ShowForum.aspx

    I posted there before I got pregnant and they're a wonderfully supportive group. I highly recommend checking it out.

    Hang in there, and don't give up. You never know what's around the corner.


    Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013


    To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
  • Hi, Dawna. I'm not pregnant yet, either. And I'm 39. Like you, I like to lurk on this board to see that it can happen for "older" women, and to keep tabs on how it's going for people who used to post on TTC after 35.

    That's where I usually post, and I highly recommend it.

    The other thing I would recommend for you is to start charting. Once you get into it, it's really not that much of a hassle - and it's worth it to know what's going on with your body.

    I've been charting and TTC for three cycles. I've ovulated on day 16, day 15, and day 18. Some women ovulate very early in their cycles - day 10 or so. Some don't ovulate until day 20 or later. You'll really improve your chances of timing things right if you chart, or use an ovulation predictor of some kind.

    Sorry for the unsolicited advice. :) Mostly I just wanted to say that you are not alone in feeling the way you do. TTC is very difficult, emotionally.


  • Loading the player...
  • Hi Dear...

    There is no "i don't belong" here business.   You're more than welcome here, and we DO get it.   I have never suffered an mc (I'm so sorry for your loss... especially right after the holiday.. ), but I didn't become pregnant with my first until I was nearly 37, and am pregnant with my 2nd now at 39.   Other than the usual annoyances, once I was pregnant - things pretty much progressed as normal.    

    Try to hang in there.   It'll happen :)   Sometimes it just takes us mothers of ..ahem... ADVANCED AGE .. (god I hate that LOL!) a bit longer.    Women aren't having babies in their early 20s exclusively anymore.   We have lives and careers and schooling to attend to ahead of time now..  it's a different world (think of that and what you've done in your life already when you think about the 24 yr old... I know how tough that must be - but it's all in the perspective.. ), but as my doc told me - it's also not your "mother's pregnancy".   When we started trying when I was 35 1/2, she said "look - you've not had any big issues with your reproductive system - you're FINE into your mid 40s. "

    I found that really hard to believe, but I guess - though the extra testing that we are given/offered does look out for trouble - even though the eggs are not quite as young as they used to be, somehow... the little guys (gals) hang in there and it *does* happen.

    If you want to join in and post here - we're more than happy to have you.  Never feel like you're not welcome :)

    Hang in there dear!


  • I've felt that way.  We're on 3 years of trying to have a baby with two 2nd tri losses, plus surgery and I'm now pg again for the 3rd time (high risk).  I worry every day that this won't happen for us, but you can't let fear get in the way.

    My tips...get all your baby making gear in the house.  OPK's, basal body thermometer and buy a CBEFM.  Expensive, but boy did that help.  Start charting ASAP if you don't already.  Lastly, as my therapist told me, accept that getting pg is hard work and take the pressure off.  Invite the fun back in or you'll make the process 10 times harder on both you and your DH.  And stop comparing yourself to other people.  That only adds pressure too.  You have a unique path from everyone else.  Just go with it.

  • Oh I second the CBEFM (clear blue easy fertility monitor).   You can get one on ebay (and in fact, I'm not having anymore kids - if you're interested in mine - it's yours.  Drop me a note here with your e mail... )



  • You are always welcome here. ?I am so sorry for your loss - I feel like I went through the same thing a couple of years ago. ?I was pregnant at 37 and had a m/c and felt like it might never happen for me. ?Each month seemed like an eternity, but I did end up getting another BFP 3 cycles later (it took a little while for my cycle to come back). ?I charted and did the CBEFM. ?This time, I ended up with a beautiful baby girl. ?Now, I am 38 (almost 39) and I am pregnant again - so don't give up hope. ?
  • Wow Monkey!  Thank you for sharing.  That is truly inspirational to me.  Thta makes me feel a lot better.  Thank you so much!
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Soo sorry to hear about your loss.  Please try not to feel so discouraged.  I just got pregnant and I'm 40 and I have a lot of friends my age who are having babies without complications!  Your time will come.
  • I'm so sorry for your loss, and feel free to vent away. I know it's hard waiting, but if you got pregnant once I'm sure you'll get pregnant again. Just try to see this cycle as an excuse to have cocktails with your girlfriends then hear all about DH's trip when he gets back.
  • I have so been there and you should never feel like you don't belong. I got married the first time at 27 started trying at 28 and nothing. Got divorced at 36 and remarried at 39 to a man who was 53 and had 5 grown children. I knew my days of hoping were over, yes we were trying but I was pretty hopeless. I saw my step kids have kids and was totally depressed. In November I complained about my periods to my current obgyn who said lets try a lap maybe it is endo. Well no endo found but she did a D&C and put the dye through the tubes while she was in there. When she found no endometriosis, I thought well that wasn't it and figured that was my last hope as we can not afford IVF but it happened, the next cycle and I could not believe my eyes when I saw that +. So after 14 years of trying here I am. I know it is painful and it feels like it will never happen but it can.

     Hugs to you!

  • I'm so sorry for your loss.  Ditto the other girls' recs re time to get serious about TTC -- not that you haven't been before, but time to unload the heavy artillery.  So start charting (the book TCOYF is great for that), get some sperm-friendly lube if needed (Conceive or Pre-Seed), go for the CBEFM if you like or just do the OPKs.  And ditto the TTC over 35 board (although you are more than welcome to hang out here as much as you like).  Those gals are great!!!

    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. Hang in there, you are not alone. I first got pregnant at 36 and had a m/c at about 10 weeks. It was awful. Then I had several cycles where I didn't not ovulate at all (so frustrating). When I finally ovulated I did get pregnant and we now have  baby girl who is 14 months old. And...I'm pregnant again with #2 (at 38)...so far, so good.

    It's hard not to compare yourselves with others, especially those that are younger. But...my SIL got pregnant with a baby girl at age 44 and had a great pregnancy! It will happen for you too!

  • Hey there - I'm so sorry for your loss and I completely understand your frustration - when I was trying, every month when I got my period it was like "oh crap, what if this never happens? What if I need to take significant assistive measures?"

    I will echo the many above posters and say you absolutely need to start charting your temps. I was also VERY fortunate and a neighbor of mine bequeathed her CBEFM (unused!) to me. The CBEFM works to help you anticipate your O date and the charting really helps to know how accurate it was and whether you are having sex when you need to be.

    It can also be frustrating to be on these boards with MUCH younger women - I can't get over the 21 & 22 year olds!!!! - and unfortunately this board is a bit slow, but people do always respond eventually. Best of luck to you.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers image
  • There are ten years in between my current two youngest( and four years between the "baby" and the baby I'm currently carrying)  with many years of trying any many m/cs. It's difficult to go through. I suggest fertilityfriend.com for charting. It is so therapeutic so see everything all graphed out for you and they do a really great job of explaining everything. You can have a basic free account or pay a small amount for the upgraded one. I've done both and either way it is very helpful. Good luck to you.
  • ((Hugs)) Captain D.  I'm sorry to hear about your loss.  Hang in there, it will happen for you!  Focus on your blessings and be happy for other's blessings as well---I know sometimes it can be a little rough to do so. 

    Yes, we understand over here.

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers



    Image and video hosting by TinyPic image

  • Hi Dawna:

    Pretty name - my sister spells hers the same way.  Trying to get pregnant can be an emotional roller coaster.  I didn't get married until I was 42 - talk about always a bridesmaid.  I have thrown more baby showers than I can count.  Last year there were 12 (and I'm not exaggerating) pregnant women at my office and I'm friends with most of them.  Talk about feeling like you're the only one who isn't pregnant.  The best thing you can do is separate your circumstance from others and be happy for them.  I know it may seem like everyone else's life is easier, but trust me they have ups and downs.  Remember they don't want to make you feel bad and you don't want to make them feel bad by making a joyful occasion uncomfortable for them.  Keep the karma around you positive and believe me your friends and family want nothing more for your dreams to come true.

     On a happier note:  2 IUI, 5 IVF and 2 Uteral Mappings later I'm almost 17 weeks pregnant at age 45.  It can happen for you - hang in there! 




This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards