FIL just called

rrodgers803

he called to say he was sorry, this is the FIL that said he hoped my baby died, so I told that I didn't want anything to do with him. I asked him nicely please to not ever call my cell phone again(he calls the house to talk to DH which I have no problem with)

but I still haven't gotten over it, DH says I just need to accept his apology, and not hold a grudge.

what do you think? WWYD?

Mrs.Fish

Wow. I cannot believe that your FIL would say that. I don't think I would be able to get over it.

jenlily1

wow, I am sure its a long one, but what's the back story?

NewLerma

Yeah, so never get over that!

LoveEeyore

There's nothing forgivable about that.  It's family, I guess, and if he wants to be involved in DC's life, it would be easier to let it go, but that's one I could never forgive. 

MidwestTexan

Eventually you are going to have to get over it so that you don't speak about him negatively in front of your child and possibly ruin their relationship. It sucks, but holding a grudge isn't going to change the situation. At least he apologized and is trying to make it better.

kayla_lynn

I agree w/ pp, you have to at least try to forgive/forget. I would be one pissed off pg woman tho!

Dulaney

Wow...I'd have a hard time getting over that.

rrodgers803

jenlily1:

wow, I am sure its a long one, but what's the back story?

we went to his house one day, him and DH got into a fight and somehow or another I got caught in the crossfire and he yelled out "i hope your effing baby dies rachel, i hope it dies" over and over. He's tried to apologize everytime we've seen him but I dont even acknowledge him. DH says something about it on a daily basis and i'm so effing tired of it. I was already scared to death something was going to happen to this baby and then he said that so I think about it everyday. I told DH the other day that it was amazing to me that he doesn't care enough about his child or me to say something to his dad about it, he never did

PuppyMommy

I wouldn't forgive him and I wouldn't forget.  I would learn to live cordially with him in my life for the sake of my baby and my H, but that is it.  I would also make this very clear to him. Somethings cannot be forgiven or forgotten and this is one of them.  You don't have to like/get along with everyone. This man gave you a VERY good reason to not like him.

Finally_Mrs.Garcia

rrodgers803:

jenlily1:

wow, I am sure its a long one, but what's the back story?

we went to his house one day, him and DH got into a fight and somehow or another I got caught in the crossfire and he yelled out "i hope your effing baby dies rachel, i hope it dies" over and over. He's tried to apologize everytime we've seen him but I dont even acknowledge him. DH says something about it on a daily basis and i'm so effing tired of it. I was already scared to death something was going to happen to this baby and then he said that so I think about it everyday. I told DH the other day that it was amazing to me that he doesn't care enough about his child or me to say something to his dad about it, he never did

 Wow..I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I'm sure it will take a while but he needs to understand how hurt you were. After some time has passed I would sit with him and talk about it. It can't be easy to deal with so just give yourself some time. I hope it all works out.

Mary0913

I know I don't know the context of the conversation, but I don't think that I could ever forgive someone who wished harm to my baby.  I'm so sorry that he said such horrible things to you.

flutiefrostie

I would never be able to forgive him. I'm not one to hold grudges, but that definitely warrants one. I would not want him to have a relationship with my child or be in my life. Telling him to fvck off and die would be the extent of our communication.

lovelyophelia

I think you did better than I would have. I would've punched him in the face. My FIL knows I'd deck him if he said something like this to me.

rrodgers803

lovelyophelia:

I think you did better than I would have. I would've punched him in the face. My FIL knows I'd deck him if he said something like this to me.

oh sorry I left out the part that he was being put into a police car as he was saying this, so charges were pressed, by the state. I didn't even have to do it

PuppyMommy

rrodgers803:

oh sorry I left out the part that he was being put into a police car as he was saying this, so charges were pressed, by the state. I didn't even have to do it

Wow. He sounds like a class act.

Tiffharper

Wow!  I am sooo sorry you had to hear that from your fil.  That would hurt me immensely.  While I can completely understand your reasons for not wanting to forgive him I think you should.

Not because he deserves it.....because he certainly doesn't. Anyone who can even think to utter those words to a pregnant woman is just inexcusable, but I think you forgiving him will help you and your husband.  If you don't forgive him you could end up holding a grudge which would mean his words would continue to hurt you over and over again. And you certainly don't want that. You want to be able to move on and enjoy this time in your life. 

I think boundaries are definitely something that should be set.  Perhaps you, your hubby and fil could sit down and talk about it together. You could be very honest and say that it is hard to forgive him for what he said.  You could say that while you forgive him, it will take awhile for you to really want to have a close relationship.  Take your time, but still keep an open heart and be willing to forgive.  Forgiving someone when they wrong you does not make you a doormat by any means, so don't feel that way even though it is understandable.  Boundaries will keep you from becoming a doormat. But forgiving your fil may be one of the first lessons you teach your child in your womb. 

Sorry that was so long. I hope that helps! 

rrodgers803

Tiffharper:

Wow!  I am sooo sorry you had to hear that from your fil.  That would hurt me immensely.  While I can completely understand your reasons for not wanting to forgive him I think you should.

Not because he deserves it.....because he certainly doesn't. Anyone who can even think to utter those words to a pregnant woman is just inexcusable, but I think you forgiving him will help you and your husband.  If you don't forgive him you could end up holding a grudge which would mean his words would continue to hurt you over and over again. And you certainly don't want that. You want to be able to move on and enjoy this time in your life. 

I think boundaries are definitely something that should be set.  Perhaps you, your hubby and fil could sit down and talk about it together. You could be very honest and say that it is hard to forgive him for what he said.  You could say that while you forgive him, it will take awhile for you to really want to have a close relationship.  Take your time, but still keep an open heart and be willing to forgive.  Forgiving someone when they wrong you does not make you a doormat by any means, so don't feel that way even though it is understandable.  Boundaries will keep you from becoming a doormat. But forgiving your fil may be one of the first lessons you teach your child in your womb. 

Sorry that was so long. I hope that helps! 

 

Thats a great suggestion, but there is no sitting down with this man and talking anything out. Hes one of those he's only in a good mood if he has array of drugs types. Therefore hes never in his right mind, I almost feel bad for him sometimes, and then I think to myself no one is sticking a gun to his head and making him do those drugs it's his choice. I really do wish I could sit and talk to him about this, maybe after rehab, if that ever happens

Tiffharper

rrodgers803:

Tiffharper:

Wow!  I am sooo sorry you had to hear that from your fil.  That would hurt me immensely.  While I can completely understand your reasons for not wanting to forgive him I think you should.

Not because he deserves it.....because he certainly doesn't. Anyone who can even think to utter those words to a pregnant woman is just inexcusable, but I think you forgiving him will help you and your husband.  If you don't forgive him you could end up holding a grudge which would mean his words would continue to hurt you over and over again. And you certainly don't want that. You want to be able to move on and enjoy this time in your life. 

I think boundaries are definitely something that should be set.  Perhaps you, your hubby and fil could sit down and talk about it together. You could be very honest and say that it is hard to forgive him for what he said.  You could say that while you forgive him, it will take awhile for you to really want to have a close relationship.  Take your time, but still keep an open heart and be willing to forgive.  Forgiving someone when they wrong you does not make you a doormat by any means, so don't feel that way even though it is understandable.  Boundaries will keep you from becoming a doormat. But forgiving your fil may be one of the first lessons you teach your child in your womb. 

Sorry that was so long. I hope that helps! 

 

Thats a great suggestion, but there is no sitting down with this man and talking anything out. Hes one of those he's only in a good mood if he has array of drugs types. Therefore hes never in his right mind, I almost feel bad for him sometimes, and then I think to myself no one is sticking a gun to his head and making him do those drugs it's his choice. I really do wish I could sit and talk to him about this, maybe after rehab, if that ever happens

I so hurt for you!  I agree then perhaps it may not be best to talk to him. Perhaps after he gets some real help it may be possible. I will be thinking of you.  You have to make the best decision for you and for your baby. 

heidismith

That is a terrible thing to hear from your FIL and it would take me a long time to get over something like that. Hopefully eventually you will be able to resolve it for the sake of your child, but you cant forget something like that over night.

CarissaandPaul

IMO, I would try everything in my power to forgive him. But I wouldn't let my child any where near him. :- GL

OxAMYxO

I dont think its a matter of forgiving him, its more a matter of protecting your family and knowing what is right/wrong.  If he's doing drugs then he has no business being around your child and you have no business hanging around his house right now, either.  You're 19, right?  I dont know how to say this, other than it's time to put on your big girl panties and do whats best for you and your unborn child.  I'm sorry you're in this situation, though.

rrodgers803

OxAMYxO:

I dont think its a matter of forgiving him, its more a matter of protecting your family and knowing what is right/wrong.  If he's doing drugs then he has no business being around your child and you have no business hanging around his house right now, either.  You're 19, right?  I dont know how to say this, other than it's time to put on your big girl panties and do whats best for you and your unborn child.  I'm sorry you're in this situation, though.

I've pretty much made it clear that he and his wife will not have anything to do with our child, I don't go to his house, and if I do I sit in the driveway in the car. So yes I have my big girl panties on. DH has even agreed that he doesn't want his parents around the baby, it just scares me when she gets here he's going to change my mind and we're going to end up fighting about it, and thats the last thing I want. I understand that he loves them even though they're pretty much ruined him but I dont want my child to have to deal with all their drama

OxAMYxO

rrodgers803:

I've pretty much made it clear that he and his wife will not have anything to do with our child, I don't go to his house, and if I do I sit in the driveway in the car. So yes I have my big girl panties on. DH has even agreed that he doesn't want his parents around the baby, it just scares me when she gets here he's going to change my mind and we're going to end up fighting about it, and thats the last thing I want. I understand that he loves them even though they're pretty much ruined him but I dont want my child to have to deal with all their drama

Yeah, and its good that you acknowledge that that WILL be difficult for him when the time comes.  Even though they are screw ups, they are still his parents.  However, this is something I dont think you should budge on.  I think I'd just make a concious effort not to bad mouth them and rag on them for no reason - then hopefully he wont end up resenting you.. but stand your ground when it comes to your child. 

NikkiDave221

rrodgers803:

jenlily1:

wow, I am sure its a long one, but what's the back story?

we went to his house one day, him and DH got into a fight and somehow or another I got caught in the crossfire and he yelled out "i hope your effing baby dies rachel, i hope it dies" over and over. He's tried to apologize everytime we've seen him but I dont even acknowledge him. DH says something about it on a daily basis and i'm so effing tired of it. I was already scared to death something was going to happen to this baby and then he said that so I think about it everyday. I told DH the other day that it was amazing to me that he doesn't care enough about his child or me to say something to his dad about it, he never did

Wow!  I've had some run-ins with my future MIL.  As a matter of fact, when my fiance and I got into an argument earlier this week, she made some comment about not knowing why I didn't have an abortion, so I TOTALLY get where you're coming from.  I would suggest that you remain cordial but distant.  It's not about holding a grudge, it's about showing both your FIL and hubby that you and baby will not be pawns in their little game.

jaxgev

I'm in a similar situation where my husband lets his parents talk sh!t about me and he rarely stands up for me (strictly because they're Persian and I'm white).  I've learned that I can't confide in my husband, which is sad.  He tells me to get over it and I've just learned to distance myself from them and him.  We recently have been talking about how he needs to stand up for me but they're his parents and I have to respect that too.  It's a totally different dynamic (him and me vs. him and his parents).  They've said and done some pretty sh!tty stuff to me and have pretended that everything is fine now that I'm pregnant but I just keep them at a distance.  I'd say forgive your FIL to the point where you don't get hurt by what he says anymore and he doesn't make your blood boil but just watch out for yourself and the baby.