2nd Trimester

Speaking of baptism. . .

Is anyone planning on baptizing the baby to appease family members even though they may not practice an organized religion?

DH's family on one side is strict Catholic. We would be the first in the giant family not to baptize and we were the first to not have a Catholic wedding. Somehow to me it just feels wrong to swear something to god over your child when you don't intend to follow through with bringing them up that way. I do know that it will be a point of contention for DH and his family sooner or later and he will feel the pressure probably for the rest of the child's life to baptize them. He says he doesn't mind though.

 Your thoughts?

Re: Speaking of baptism. . .

  • Hi 2-Step

    I am in the exact same situation at the moment.  DH's father's side of his family is very Catholic.  I am Lutheran which is a close cousin but my family was never strict about religon and going to church, etc...  DH's family was very strict and made it a point that they had to attend services regularly as well as on special days (Holy Days).  I think this somewhat put a sour taste in his mouth.  We did however get married Catholic (we did not have mass at our wedding, it was very simple).  Now we are feeling pressure about making a baptism decision.  Actually we sat down the the priest that married us and his advice was that no matter the decision that we made, people would still love the baby for who he/she is and that is what is most important. 

  • its a tough one~ i grew up methodist and dh grew up catholic (however neither of us attend church and he never even got his confirmation)~ we were married in a catholic church (because of dh's father and grandparents were adiment about this and my family never went to church)... the priest encouraged me highly to become catholic and gave me dates of classes that would be held in the fall of last year however it was not a requirement to get married there - this is not something that i am taking lightly, therefore, i am still thinking about it- there are some things that i don't personally agree with in the catholic religion (jmo- so no flames) so it is a difficult decision-

     now as for our children i did make an oath that our children would be raised catholic~ so i will honor that (as i do not like the thought of lying to a priest)~ but as our child becomes old enough, i will allow them to decide from themselves what they would like to practice (as growing up without going to church, i had always wanted to go to church- and am more interested in religion now- but i don't have pressure from my parents at the same time- i would like my children to have the same)- i have many catholic friends (and not saying that this is everyone, trust me, but as my friends grew up in a strict catholic household, NONE of those friends actually practice the religion now that they are older!

    in any case, back to answering the question:  our children will be baptized catholic (mostly due to dh's father/family)

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  • I am a Lutheran and the church was a big part of my upbringing, it was a totally positive experience for me.  DH on the other hand is not at all into organized religion.  Before we started TTC we had a long heart to heart about baptism and whether or not we would do it.  DH agreed that we would baptize our baby, because he knows that it is important to me.  I think that baptism is a promise to expose your child to your faith, but it is their choice as they grow whether to follow that faith and be confirmed.  It is such a personal choice, and one that those who practice and those who don't take very seriously.  I wish you well in making this decision.
  • I know it's hard when family is very religious and you and your DH are not. Personally, I was raised Baptist, went to church 3 times a week, but didn't feel like it was my 'calling'. I went growing up because I was living in my parents' house and respected that. However, as soon as I went to college, I stopped going to church. It was by far the hardest thing on my parents. We fought about it constantly, but I didn't want to lie to them or myself.

    DH & I are now both Catholic (long story) but we're happy in our decision. The biggest thing is that it's your baby and your decisions will have to be accepted by your families. They may not understand/respect your decision (mine still thinks I'm nuts), but the important thing is that you BOTH are comfortable with your decision. To baptize or not, to circumcise or not, etc...the decision go on & on!  I remember making that clear to my parents (that my decisions were different than theirs) and the painful months after, but now I'm so glad I did. GL

  • I was raised VERY Catholic and DH is Jewish, although very much not religiously so. To me it is important that our child be raised in some religion - he or she can choose not to practice when they grow up, but I want to give them a grounding in something. DH would not be comfortable with Catholicism but I am OK with Judaism so our plan is to raise them Jewish. I have to tell you that decision has become more difficult for me as time has gone on, and I have not yet told my very Catholic parents. I am NOT looking forward to that conversation. In our case, his parents would be VERY unhappy if we did baptize the child, and my parents will be very unhappy when we do not. It is a very difficult place to be, especially since it seems like one side "wins" and the other loses. All I can tell you is that you both need to be comfortable with your decision.
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