Any moms feel this way?? — The Bump
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Any moms feel this way??

I don't know if this is normal or if I"m just hormonal or overly tired or what.  So many people say that after they have their baby they just have this newfound love for their husband and it makes their bond even stronger.  But sadly, I feel like I'm irritated w/DH and very short w/him a LOT of the time.   And the dog.....don't even get me started on how annoyed I am w/the dog.  It's like everything he does just annoys me and I wish he'd go live w/my in-laws (the dog, not my husband).  I don't know what's wrong w/me.  Were any of you this way?  If so, how did you fix it?  I feel like a terrible wife sometimes.

Re: Any moms feel this way??

  • It depends on the day.  Some days I feel like I bear the brunt of parenting and I'm annoyed.  Some days I feel more connected to DH.  I love our pets but many days I wish we didn't have them.
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  • Yes.  Although I swear DH has become a completely different person since S was born and is so much more irritating.

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  • dh and i have been arguing more than normal ever since little man was born.  i do love him more, but i think the exhaustion and baring the brunt of parenting really gets on me sometimes.  he sometimes feels like he can't do anything right wiht little man.  i think valentines day was really good for us because we had the chance to go out just the two of us and reconnect (of course our reconnection ended when we came home and little man coughed so much i had to get up with him)
  • While I love seeing DH as a dad, parenthood is definitely the biggest challenge to our relationship so far.  The first 3mo were awful.  We saw each other while passing the baby off and while I was more annoyed with everything we didn't fight more because I was just too tired to talk - fighting would have cut into my sleep time. 

    Then I went back to work and while it was slightly better, I was still too exhausted and run down to care much.  After about 6mo things started to get better because Maggie was sleeping more and I finally got used to sleeping more and the routine was just easier.  

    I think that when people say that their bond gets stronger, a lot of times they mean in the long run.   At least that is how it is working out for us.  Having kids just puts the petty crap in perspective and the time we do spend together alone is certainly more cherished.

    I didn't have pets when Maggie came along but my sister has a chocolate lab that was her baby before my niece came along.  She would say that she didn't know what she would do if the dog ever died, but after my niece she found the dog to be the most annoying pet ever and half-heartedly tries to leave him at my house when they come visit.  

    So I don't think your feelings unusual or wrong, but it may help to talk to someone about them.  At first a counselor could help if you feel you can't talk to DH about them.  However he probably is having the similar feelings or going through the huge adjustment of having a kid is affecting him differently.  Ask him how he feels and tell him you know that you have a had short fuse lately and if that bothers him.  Does he not help out enough?  Can you pinpoint the most annoying things?  Are they reasonable?  If they are then talking through with him could help, if they aren't then maybe some counseling could help you figure out the cause of your feelings.

  • OMG I can totally relate

    I sometimes resent DH b/c he gets a good night's sleep every single night while I am lucky to get 2.5 hrs of uninterrupted sleep. We tried having him give DD a bottle at night but it didn't work, I still couldn't sleep b/c I heard her cry and could not mentally relax enough to fall asleep and she really wanted the boob.

    Sometimes I do feel an incredible bond w/ him - when I see how much he enjoys DD... but I can really relate to your feelings, I think the 1st few months are very hard. He wants me to sit down w/ him and watch TV and I'd love to but after DD is finally asleep, all I want is to sleep, too!

    I think once DD is sleeping thru the night and we can spend more time together, it'll get better...at least that's what I hope! I'm not a big believer in theraphy/counseling personally and would not have the time (if I had the time, I'd rather watch TV w/ DH)

     

  • oh and as for the dogs, I think DH is more annoyed with them than I am, I just feel bad we don't spend as much time w/ them; they're definitely more whiney than usual!
  • Do you feel like you've taken more of the responsibility for parenting?  If so, you might be resenting DH because of it and therefore getting irritated.  (And the dog gets caught up in it too).  The dog could also be acting up a little more than before/more needy too - more barky and anxious from not getting a good walk in, etc.

    When I was on maternity leave, I felt like I was doing 100% of the work when DH wasn't there, and 90% even if he was.  Now that I'm back at work and DH is at home, he's learned to step up and is more comfortable taking care of DD.  And I'm more comfortable letting him.  Now I feel more like we're partners (usually) and it's not all me.  Of course, you saw my last post, so that doesn't mean everything is perfect but it's definitely better. 

     

  • I know I get annoyed with our dog when Nicholas is sleeping and she starts whining.  It has a tendency to make Nicholas stir or wake up.  There have been times when I wish she wasn't there, but she is almost 15 and when I've seen her trip and fall it breaks my heart to think about her not being there.

    With DH I get annoyed at times.  I definitely felt as though I was doing 100% of the work, but with bf, I think DH didn't know what to do.  It's been more recent that DH is now the one who goes and gets Nicholas in the morning when he wakes up.  He plays with him, changes and dresses him and then comes to get me when it's time for breakfast.  What was initially annoying me about this arrangement was that he would get Nicholas and then bring him into our bed, lay down and slightly doze as Nicholas made noise keeping me awake.  He does now take him into our other bedroom and shuts the door so as to let me sleep just a little bit more.  I love seeing him with Nicholas now, but at first I was annoyed by him thinking every little thing was wrong and needed a visit to the ped or passing him off to me to take care of. 

    You're definitely not alone in feeling this way.

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  • image tracy042206:

    I think that when people say that their bond gets stronger, a lot of times they mean in the long run.     

    Well said!  This was totally the case with us.  Having a baby put a huge strain on our marriage, and my DH is extremely helpful with the baby (so for me it was not an issue of me doing more of the parenting).  We were tired, and anxious, and not sure of ourselves.  Vulnerable.  Annoyed.  And I cried at the dumbest things.

    Then, I don't know, maybe 6 months in (?) it just started getting better and by the time DD was about 9 -10 months old it was MUCH better.  At that time my brother and his wife had their first baby and he called me nearly in tears... he and his wife were at each other's throats, this was hard on them, etc.  I told him "that happened to us too!" and told him to hang in there.  Our baby SSTN pretty early on, which helped "fix" this because it meant we got better sleep.  Also, we just starting getting more confident as parents... and for us the most important thing was we had/have her on a consistent schedule. Since then I feel my love for my DH has multiplied by a thousand (again, he's great with DD and does more than his share of caring for her).

    I think people don't really talk about how much stress a new baby is, even on the most solid of marriages. It's good to talk about this with fellow moms!!!

    Wife, Musician, Fed, WW-er, and Mom of three little kids - not necessarily in that order.
  • I can not tell you how often we have wished we didn't have our cats and dog anymore, it blows my mind how crazy they make me feel now. And they were our babies before. They add an amazing amount of stress and mess to life now! i wish i could say more, but i'm trying to hold a squirming 6 month old. just know you are not alone!
  • While I'm not a mom yet, I just have to say thank you so much for posting this question! I made DH read these responses so that we're both prepared for how having a baby will change "us" (if you can ever be prepared for such a thing of course!) and for him to get a better idea of motherhood from the woman's perspective. Not sure if it will change anything once our DS is born, but at least we both have a better idea of what might be in store for us.
  • You are not alone.  I love my dog, but holy cow she can drive me nuts sometimes now, especially when I'm trying to calm a crying baby, I'm exhausted, and then the dog does something like pee on the floor or bark when there is nothing to bark at.  She howled every time the baby cried the first few days he was home from the hospital.  Thank God it stopped, or I would have gone out of my mind.  My Betta fish died a couple of months ago and I was so preoccupied that I hadn't even noticed (he wasn't eating his pellets anymore so I was using the 7 day feeder tablets).  I felt terrible!

    My H is extremely helpful and hands on, but there are times I am short with him or resent him because he gets to leave the house to go to work every day.  If I'm not tired or stress, I'm fine, but otherwise I'm sure I'm a PITN

    Motherhood can be overwhelming at times.  I find myself annoyed with anyone who's needy since I have a little person for whom I need to save my time and energies for, if that makes sense, and I feel like I have little or no time for myself.  I have zero tolerance for drama, other people's issues, or anything that adds stress or to my to-do list etc.

  • Wow, this got a lot of views.  Thanks for all the responses.  it's good to know I am not alone.

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