DH and my mom lied to me about DD
I have been very clear that I didn't want to start solids until DD is 6 months old. My mom has been on my case to start rice cereal b/c solids cure all evils (like DD's waking during the night). I have been adamant to her to lay off and DH knows this. He has just grunted agreeing with me - never said anything about it at all.
I came home yesterday and found a can of rice cereal on the counter. Whuh? Come to found out that DH has been adding a little rice cereal to her bottle for the last several weeks without me knowing about it. (I'm back at work and DH is staying home with DD while taking FMLA.)
So I find out and I'm pissed. Later, I'm talking to my mom, and I found out that she knows. DH told her about it. They both think it's funny. NO - not funny. I should know what my own DD is eating. You think I nurse her in the middle of the night and pump at work for the fun of it? Now I know why she gained 2 1/4 pounds in 3 weeks.
She's taking the cereal fine. That's not the issue. I'm pissed DH did it behind my back (knowing my wishes), and then to top it off my mom knew about it. Seriously - WTF? Lying by omission is still lying.
Re: DH and my mom lied to me about DD
yikes. that is not cool. this would be a good opportunity to have a discussion with DH about the need to be completely, totally on the same page as parents as DD grows up. Try to figure out *why* DH didn't tell you and how you can prevent that in the future.
but, yeah. I would be really, really pissed.
No, he never said ANYTHING about wanting to start her on rice cereal. He agreed with me when I was ranting about my mom talking about it at every opportunity. Yesterday, he just said he decided he wanted to try it and didn't want to start an argument.
I can be stubborn, but I also understand she's his daughter too - so if he had presented a reasonable case for solids, okay. He was waiting for 'a good time to tell me.' Grrr. I've been trying very hard to let him do things his way (as in, my way is not the only way) since he's been at home with her. And he's doing really well at taking care of her. It's been great.
He agrees that he was very wrong and is sorry. Still not good though. Way to teach your daughter DH.
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I think everyone else has pretty much covered it, but, yeah, that's... just not right. It's not as though he didn't know that you had an opinion or what it was. I get being non-confrontational, but that's just taking it too far.
I'd be really angry also.
Sorry you're having to deal with this. Glad DD did okay with the cereal.
Just one more vote for "cripes I'd be pissed." I really would be.
I'd be worried if DH lied to me, and I'd also be worried if he thought he had to lie to me. Does he think you are that inflexible?
The only thing I can think of is that he thought he'd try it and if it worked then he'd tell you the secret? In some kind of bizarro world the logic could have been to "surprise" you later and be like "wanna know why she's gaining weight and STTN? Well, let me tell you! I gave baby cereal, I'm father of the year!" Not that I condone this thinking, just trying to give your DH the benefit of the doubt...
OMG, I'd be furious, too. Not only is it not funny, it could have had serious ramifications and they obviously didn't think that through. I'm glad she did ok with it and yes, rice cereal is the least allergy provoking food, but,but,but...I'm sure you've researched all this already...
Besides talking to them about the awful lying, I think you should definitely make your mom and husband read everything you can get your hands on about why they say to wait to introduce it. You made an informed decision, they did something on a whim (or based on advice that was up-to-date many years ago). When it comes to your daughter's well-being, there is no excuse for leaving you out of it. There are going to be many, many more decisions and they definitely need to understand how serious this is.
The difference here is that he clearly knew her opinion, not only made no attempt to discuss it with her to say "hey lets' compromise" but essentially knew he was doing something she wasn't comfortable with and didn't tell her. That's not good.
However, the good thing is that he is sorry, and it sounds like this is a good opportunity to work out how you'll handle this kind of thing in the future (and he know not to go behind your back). My H also tends to hate any kind of confrontation, which has caused some issues for us in the past, but we've worked on it and it's gotten a lot better. GL!
(and FWIW, all old people think solids cure everything! Annoying as hell when they talk about how they did things years ago too...)
Thanks for all the support ladies. DH is really sorry. My parents, however, (my dad jumped on the bandwagon too now) still think it's funny. They started me on solids at 2 months yada..... and I survived. I said carseats weren't required then either.