Why is moy mom acting like this? (vent)

mitzi goodson

I was on the phone with my mom last night & we were talking about when they come in for 2 weeks when the baby arrives (they live in VA) & in the middle of the conversation she said "well I get to hold the baby the whole time while I am there" * I was like well how am I supossed to breat feed if you are holding the baby the whole time?  She told me that I needed to pump & put it in a bottle so she could feed the baby the whole time she was there.....UUMMM....NOT HAPPENING!!  I told her that she will have plenty of time with the baby but that I have made the decision to BF & I was not going to give the baby a bottle & can you believe she got upset about that?  Is is because it has been 34 years since she had her 1st that she has forgotten how exciting it is for DH & I & NOT just the grandparents?  I know that she is excited but I want her to support the decisions that DH & I have made about how we will care for & raise our child.....IDK, how do I make her understand without hurting her feelings that when it comes to the baby, what DH & I say is the way that it is & there is no debating it or changing it?

lkaylee721

I would tell her that while she'll have plenty of time to hold the baby, the things you'll need the most help with are the house, laundry, cooking, adn those type of things while YOU focus on the baby and learning a schedule...

DSteed-to-be

I'm sure there will be plenty of time for each of you to hold the baby.  Plus, you may welcome her feeding the baby some pumped milk to let you get some sleep every once in a while (maybe one feeding per day or something)!

mamabug09

Sorry that your mom is not being very understanding.  If it makes you feel any better, my MIL lives next door to us, and she keeps making me feel like SHE is the only one that is excited about the baby...I'm worried there will be ALOT of overstepping of bounds in the future.  Sigh. 

 

Maybe talk to your mom more about it today or tomorrow, since you've both had some time to think about things.  Sometimes a day makes a big difference and she might see the error of her ways.  Keeping my fingers crossed for you.  

JamieNIan

You just have to stick to your guns once she's there.  My MIL told me that I needed to pump and that breastfeeding only was a selfish thing to do because noone else could bond with the baby in that manner.

LoveEeyore

Yikes! You need to find that grandparent's guide- someone posted it awhile ago- it talked about how the purpose of this visit is to do everything that will allow mom to care for and bond with baby.  I would be very forward.  When DD was born I was clingy and got anxious after more than 30 mnutes of baby sharing...

My MIL has complained that I robbed her of her right to feed the baby b/c I EBF and DD never took a bottle.  When I got pregnant with twins, her first words were "you'll HAVE to bottle feed now."  Ugh.  You're the mommy and I recommend you practice being assertive with her now.  Ain't NOBODY going to tell ME when I will hold/feed/anything MY babies.

srquarg

You're not alone!!! My mother is the same way, so my husband and I agreed that neither grandmothers were invited to stay with us after the baby is born. They can visit but they will have to make hotel arrangements. So remind your mother that it could be worse, she could be uninvited to stay if she plans to cross the bounderies you set.

 It's your time with your child, especially if you work and plan to go back... not to mention your husband will want as much time as he can have before he has to return to work. As far as hurting feelings, I'm not the best at avoiding that.... but she needs to understand and if the only way to do that is to upset her a little then it's what you should do for YOUR family. She will come around and hopefully understand your reasoning behind it. Good luck.

blendedfammama

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  Hopefully when she gets there she will see how well you are bonding with baby and she will let you have your way.  Good luck!  I know my MIL is not being very cooperative and it can be very stressful sometimes.

mitzi goodson

Thank you guys for all the advice!  I think I am just going to have to put my foot down & tell her that I have made this decision & there is no changing it....plus I think I will look for a good grandparents book/guide for both my parents & my IL's!!

bleu928

I'd be REALLY interested in finding this grandparent's guide.  Any idea where I could find that?

 My mom acts like I'm taking advantage of her by asking her to help cook/clean while she visits after the baby is born.  She said her job will be to take care of "her baby" and hold him while she is there.  Ummmmm....NO.

CalinsBride

I'd say "how would you have felt if, when you were trying to bond with me, some other person came in and refused to let you hold me for two weeks?"

Then I'd say "If you're just coming so you can interfere with very important mother-baby bonding, you're no longer invited. Peace out."

afg

lkaylee721:

I would tell her that while she'll have plenty of time to hold the baby, the things you'll need the most help with are the house, laundry, cooking, adn those type of things while YOU focus on the baby and learning a schedule...

This is what I would say too... 

 

matt&steph

I am a firm believer of your child your decision, period.  If anybody has a problem with that ask them to keep it to themselves.  That being said because this is your mother explain that this is the choice you have made and she can hold the baby while you are showering, doing chores ect.