Depression..please help

JandBandB

I need to vent and ask for advice:

I have been married to my Dh for almost 5 years. I am suspecting that he is depressed.  We love each other, have a terrific family, but something with my DH seems off.  He is not into any specific activity, has no real hobbies, works until 6:00 each night and barely plays with our toddler.  His friends are all out of town and his best friend who does live in town was a closet drug addict and tried to commit suicide....(we have parted ways with that friend as we did not know he did drugs, nor condone it...and are waiting for word that he is "on the mend") We have another baby on the way, and I just have a feeling it's going to put him over the edge. 

He is repeatedly "sick."  He keeps going thru procedures to find out what is wrong, but it's too a point, I want to yell at the doctors...HE'S DEPRESSED!

He is stressed at work, always fears getting laid off...cannot seem to find a common ground with people at work to build a relationship with. His co-workers only know him on a superficial level...Dh can come across arrogant and bull-headed. 

When Dh is home, he wants to eat crap food, lay on the couch and do nothing.  After he plays with DS for about 20 minutes, one would think he has cured cancer! He needs list to make him motivated to do anything...I am 32 weeks pregnant, ask for help and have to give 4 reasons why I need his help.

I love this man...he is wonderful to me when his head is in the game.  He is a great father, when his head is in the game..BUT I know something is going on with him...he is not the same man i dated/married 5 years ago.

He is going in for a colonoscopy (yet another procedure he is undergoing to prove to me that he has cancer, or some other major ailment!) this Friday.  When everything comes back normal, I need to confront him that his bahavior and attitude are not good.....both good for him or for our family.  I feel like everything is on my shoulders.

I have become so unsympathic to his whining, daily reports of what hurts, how tired he is, how people have it out for him at work. I am not sure who to talk to, where to get help or even start to dive into this issue with him.

I can bet that he will agree that he is depressed. His Doc did give him a prescription for some anti-anxiety medicine, but he takes it every so often, complains that it makes him tired (12 hours after he gets home from work), etc.

All the while, I take care of our son everyday. we do not have babysitters or use family to watch him often. We have moved twice, in which I (pregnant) packed everything up, unpacked, etc..all while still taking care of DS...I am having complications now with this last trimester of pregnancy (low platlets, high blood pressure) that keep me very tired), in addition to the normal issues with being 32 weeks pregnant...YET..i do not complain and have realized that this is life. No one is going to bail me out, no one is going to do the work for me...I only have ME to rely on. It's my responsbility as a wife and mother.

I am not sure what to do, where to turn...any advice.

(PS: I feel so heartless writing what I wrote, but it's what i have been dealing with...I am just looking for advice)

katie277s

Do you know if depression runs in your DH's family?  My DH has suffered from depression, along with his mother.  His signs were inability to sleep, lack of motivation to do anything, smoking and drinking.  He even went through a suicide attempt back in college.  It was the scariest time in my life with him. 

When he started going to a theripist and stated taking medication, he improved greatly.  He started studying and going to class again, stopped drinking, started sleeping again and was his old self.  If you think your DH is depressed, talk with him about it.  I can't tell you how much better it was once he was his "old self" again.

I am sorry you are going through this.  I hope he gets some help to make himself feel better and to be able to help you out a little.  (HUGS).

pookie2005

You just listed several textbook symptoms of depression.  If I were you, I would tell his drs that he is exhibiting these signs.  He needs help. 

 

DandelionMom

It is possible he is sick. ?Things like autoimmune diseases are hard to diagnose and present with pain and sometimes are mistaken for depression. ?

Both my daughter and I went through years of misdiagnosis before DD's pediatrician ordered a panel of blood tests that diagnosed her with celiac disease. ?I was diagnosed shortly after (after more than 30 years of being told that I had anemia, allergies, IBS, chronic fatigue, depression, and even that it was all in my head). ??

pookie2005

It is also EXTREMELY important that all his drs are aware of the symptoms he is exhibiting.  I can not stress this enough.  There is a history of mental illness and suicide in my family.  These symptoms can NOT be ignored whether they are physical or emotional.