DH & I disagree - who do you think is right?

MarchMom06

*ETA to fix the typo in my title* 

Okay, so there's probably no "right" or "wrong", but DH & I can't figure out how to solve an eating situation with Nick, our almost 2 y.o.

To be fair, I won't let you know how we feel. I'll just lay it out there. Nick won't eat, unless it's one of a small handful of foods (cheese, macaroni & cheese - only Kraft, chicken nuggets - one specific kind, lots of fruit, veggies, & smoothies. Sometimes he'll branch out with a meatball or a hotdog). These are not the kind of dinners DH & I would normally make, & Nick will absolutely not budge. Even when I know he's hungry (barely ate breakfast, entirely skipped dinner), he will not touch dinner. He'll eat a few pieces of cucumber & ask to get down. If we give him nothing more for the night, he will go to bed & wake up around 4:00 am, screaming for milk or "chicken". . . .

One of us thinks that we should not be a short order cook & that Nick should eat dinner with the rest of the family. Preparing a second dinner would set a bad example for our 3 y.o. who eats 90% of our dinners. . . Also, this person figures he will not starve himself.

The other thinks we should ask him to sit through dinner (thus not bringing two meals to the table to influence our 3 y.o.) but later make him one of his small repertoires of fat & sodium known as dinner. . .

And, he has dropped on the growth curve. He was at around 50%, now he's around 30%.

WDYT? Are either of us right? Neither?

mrscolleton2b

If I was to make a meal that each kid would eat, I would be making 4 meals nightly. I make one meal- if they don't like it, tough. They can either eat, or they don't eat it and go to bed hungry.

This can only go on so long before they want to eat dinner and they branch out and try new things that they 'hated' and find out that they actually like them.

~Kat~

I would probably side with person #1. I never make DS something other then what I have prepared for dinner. That being said, I would allow a healthy snack before bed even if he didn't eat dinner. Just a banana or some yogurt or something.

kevschickee2

I agree with the not being a short order cook.  He will not let himself starve

aprilmomtobe

Others here will probably disagree with me, but if he's not yet even 2, and he's losing weight, I'd feed him what he likes.  You can enforce the dinner thing later when he's older.  Just try to through in new things with the stuff he likes

jessicaclare

According to my pedi (and I generally agree), toddlers won't starve themselves. DD gets what we eat for dinner (unless its really spicy). I'm not a short order cook. Personally, I think its a battle of wills, and if you give in and make him his own meal later, he won.

mauceddie

Here's what we do- I have a very picky eater as well. We serve everyone the same meal. But, we make sure there's at least one thing that dd likes. So, we may all get a side of cheese, bread, etc.?

JJLLNN

#1

Rebekah1021

Well - I can see both sides. I think to an extent you are both right, he needs to eat something, but it's not a good idea to become a short order cook.

What has the pedi said about his eating habits?

I hope you figure it out soon, I;m no help

weddingbellenyc

i dont know because i am sort of in the same situation. tonight i made eggplant and dd only ate the corn and sweet potato fries i made with them. then, becausei wanted her to feel full she ate a bowl of rice cereal. honestly, if she does not eat what i make she gets a half ass meal... like yogurt, toast, cereal, frozen waffels, etc. i cant make a billon dinners ( i am too tired and nauseaus for it plus i dont think its the right thing) , but i also cant have her go to bed with NOTHING in her belly. i dont know...  its a tough situation.

DandelionMom

I don't like drops on the growth curve. ?I would first talk to the pedi. ?I say this because my extreme picky eater turned out to have celiac disease so I'm very glad I didn't listen to our previous pediatrician who said that she should be put to bed hungry if she refused to eat.

Some ideas:?

-Have him help plan, shop for, and prepare menus.

-Keep offering the food you're making for the rest of the family but make sure at least one of the choices is something he'll like

-Offer dessert if he tries everything on his plate (dessert doesn't have to be elaborate or too junky, it can be fruit with whipped cream or toast with sprinkles)?

oparcm

My 3 yo dd is a "grazer" too.  She will eat healthy foods but rarely eats a "meal".  I tried to make her eat meals vs. more snack size portions and even talked to the dr. about it and I was kind of surprised that he said she is eating small portions of healthy food so stick to what she wants!  I wanted him to say feed her 3x per day with so many snacks.  He thought that dd was eating like ppl should eat.  Darn dr.  So I guess I'm siding with both.  I now let go of the battle with dd and she's eating/grazing and it works for her. 

championmama

I don't know - I can kind of see both sides.  I, for one, am a very picky eater, even at 32.  My mom recognized that when I was younger, and while she didn't make me a completely different dinner, she altered the one she did fix (ie-chili with no beans, hamburger with no cheese, meatloaf with no onion, etc).

A guidance counselor I used to work with did not alter dinners and her daughters ate what she fixed, or they didn't eat.  I thought that was so mean, knowing that I was and still am a picky eater.  I just hate to think of a child going to bed hungary b/c they truly don't like something.  As an adult, I eat what I like.  But, looking back, my mom didn't make me try stuff, either.  I don't drink milk, don't eat cheese, and had I been told to try them, I may at least drink milk now.  (I can't even touch cheese, bleck!  DH has to get it when Blaire wants a piece).

My sister makes her kids clean their plates, which I completely disagree with.  I don't think my nephews/neice are at risk for weight problems, but some people are and being forced to eat when you're full is a No-No in my book.

I like the idea of making him sit through a meal, but instead of later feeding him your fat and sodium dinner, try and find a select few things of what he will eat that's good for him.  blaire loves fruit, so I always include it with her meal.  She also loves boiled eggs, so I know if she won't eat her vegetables, and only a few bitew of chicken, I can count on the egg and strawberries and milk being devoured. 

You may also find ways to make food fun and yet disguised in something healthy.  I wouldn't be good at that b/c I'm not creative.

MarchMom06

The ped said as long as the weight change wasn't drastic, not to make him separate meals. We're monitoring his weight at home, and we have a 2 year check up with the pedi in a few weeks to follow up. . .

I think the hardest part for both of us is the waking up hungry in the night thing. He never fails to wake up our 3 y.o. & then DH & I are stuck with two screaming kids in the middle of the night. That little issue is weakening our resolve. :-)

MediaBride

I totally feel your pain.  We've had eating issues with DS forever.  He, too, will only eat things such as mac-n-cheese, hot dogs, spaghetti, meatballs, turkey lunchable, cuccumber etc.  We rotate the same foods over and over and over.  Our pedi told us the same thing, that he won't starve himself.  However, I know that there is no way possible that he is getting the nutrition that he needs.

 That said, I make him what he likes so he will eat.  It's more important to me, at this point in time, that he eats SOMETHING... I will fight the "eat what we are eating or else" battle later.  I need him to first be content with sitting at the table and eating anything (until recently, he would flip out and scream and cry if we tried to sit him at the table -  he HATED eating). 

I think that you have to just choose what's more important to you at thsi point in time.   Best of luck to you - eating issues are HARD!!!

championmama

what about a before bed snack?  Something healthy...like fruit, just something quick, easy, and light, may tie him over until breakfast.

knmommy

I would say #1 when he gets older.  But because he is dropping on the growth chart it is a concern.  I'd have to agree w/dandelionmom.  GL

jorie

The rational parent in me knows that #1 would be the "right" answer (at least in my book).

Reality, however, dictates that I avoid undue stress.  I'd give the kid what he likes.  Keep offering other options and eventually he'll try new things.  But keep him eating and keep yourself sane.

lizard76

Our son is picky like yours.  What we've agreed to do after some debate (my DH was forced to eat things and clean his plate and now eats few things himself), is that Ethan gets essentially the same as us, but I do make sure there's a serving of something I know he generally will eat.  If that's all he eats and he asks for more of that "tasty" thing, we tell him he has to take a bite of something else first to get more.  If not, then dinner is done.

We do know that part of it is a control issue thing.  There are nights he refuses foods without tasting them at all (new things he's never tried) or will even refuse to eat some of his favorites.

However, he doesn't wake up in the middle of the night.  One thing we've done is if he's had a bad eating day, we give him generic Pediasure or drinkable yogurt before bed.  That way, he gets something somewhat substantial in his stomach, but we're not "catering" to him at dinner.

Ciarrai

I can't say what you should do, but here's my take on it.  Our pedi says to feed the girls what we're eating at meals and nothing special.  Either they'll eat or they won't, but that's up to them.  And my girls are tiny - in the 3% and 12% - but he's not worried.  I refuse to become a short order cook.  I serve the girls whatever we're having for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Generally breakfast and lunch are some of their favorites (esp for DD#1, who is more picky) and they generally eat.  Dinner usually includes something that I think they will eat - whether it's just the roll or more depends on the night.  They eat or they don't.  If they don't (or even if they do), they don't eat again until breakfast.  It's how it works in our house...and it mostly works.  DD#1 tends to eat a lot bigger breakfast and lunch and less dinner, but at least I'm offering it. 

Amanda&Chris

I make one meal. Period.  My DD is 3% for weight, so I know the worry that goes along with that, but I still only make one meal. 

The rare exception...the night I made something with peanuts in it so I modified it for DD since she is under 2.

bls27

mauceddie:

Here's what we do- I have a very picky eater as well. We serve everyone the same meal. But, we make sure there's at least one thing that dd likes. So, we may all get a side of cheese, bread, etc.

 

This is exactly what we do.  She gets what we are eating but I may add something (like a particular veggies, cheesestick, etc) that I know is familiar to her and that she'll eat.  I think it's a balancing act because pickiness is a phase that most toddlers go through and you don't want to turn dinnertime into a battle.  However, I think it's important to expose children to different types of food.

shouldbeworkin

We have the same, but opposite.  The 1 y/o eats well, the 3 y/o does not.  The 1 y/o doesn't know well enough yet and they have FA issues anyway, so I'm often making multiple dinners.  I think I would find a compromise.  Maybe feed your almost 2 y/o a big, healthy snack that he'll like before dinner, the dinner you're eating that he'll pick at and a nice healthy snack before bed.  Sounds like he needs the food, so I'd hate to say that you should only give him what is for dinner.  At the same time, it is normal for 2 y/o's to be really picky and you can't cater to their every whim.  I think you have to make sure they get what they need throughout the day.  If my DC's eat 2 good meals a day, I don't expect much at dinner.  But, DD is going through a growth spurt now and waking up at 4 am hungry if she doesn't have a good dinner.  So, we've started giving her a snack before bed.  It's helped a lot.

MarchMom06

I'm the one who doesn't want to be a short order cook, but I'm getting super frustrated, & every night when he wakes up & screams for food, it makes me wish we were following DH's plan. :-)

We've tried a hybrid strategy recently where the only "dinner" option he gets is the one we're eating as a family, but I also make a smoothie as a snack before bed. We eat fairly early and there's enough of a gap that even my 3 y.o. will drink the smoothie, so it doesn't seem quite so much as though we're making a separate "meal' for Nick. . .

BrainySmurfette

It might be possible to go in between--fix one or two of the foods on the 2 yo approved list per meal, but keep the rest of the menu the same.  Hopefully, he'll eat enough to not be hungry, but you won't give the appearance of a special meal for your other DC (and you could try the "set a good example for your younger brother" trick, too).  Since has fallen on the growth curve, I don't think it is a good idea to not offer anything he likes to eat.  He very well might be stubborn enough to let himself go hungry.  If he were 6 or 7, I would say hold the line, but not at 2--he isn't really old enough to fully understand. 

KellyMichelle

I saw a show about picky eaters one day.  They recommended giving 1/2 a serving of whatever food they like along with the food served for dinner.  That way they still get food, but are exposed to other foods as well and are willing to try new things because it isn't as much of a battle.  I haven't tried it myself, but it makes sense.

BrainySmurfette

Also, my parents tried to force me to eat foods I didn't want when I was little.  It turned out that I am allergic to most of them.  Not severely allergic, but I do feel sick (nauseous, runny nose, itchey skin, etc.).  This is part of why I'm not big on forcing kids to eat certain foods.

JOEBunny

My DD is not on the charts for weight.  I have been to a 1/2 dozen nutritionist.  My job is to make her healthy foods and it is her job to eat it.  I generally feed her what I am having for breakfast, unless it is cereal, which she can't/won't eat, then she gets her choice of easy to make items, like fruit and yogurt, waffle and fruit, or oatmeal and fruit. 

For lunch, we often eat out and she either gets what I eat or I will order her a side of beans and rice or something like that.  If we don't go out, she gets something like peanut butter bread, fruit, and a veggie (she will only eat some canned veggies.  I put them on her plate, but she seldom eats them), a fruit, peanut butter and veggie smoothie, or a cliff bar.  

For dinner, I try to give her what we are having.  If she doesn't or won't eat it, she can have a fall back, like smoothie (I usually have some of this made up, since I try to get her to eat it every day).  I will not give her junk, but she will not eat meat often, so I try to give her an option she at least has a chance in hell of trying.

UGAbride

I'm not a short-order cook...but honestly, I don't cook at least half the week (DH gets home late, and if we're having frozen pizza that's not what DS is going to get anyway).  So he still gets a lot of simple, easy-to-fix foods (grilled cheese, chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, fruit, steamed veggies, etc).  But when I do cook, he eats what we eat.  Like others have said, I make sure there is at least one thing on his plate that I know he likes.  We had an issue for a while where he would wake up around 1 am screaming for cheese, and DH was giving it to him - I told him if he continued to feed our child cheese in the middle of the night, I wasn't helping him!!  Talk about a bad habit.  At under 2, I really think it's important to still give them a little of what you know they'll eat....I know my DS doesn't entirely understand "eat this or nothing" and both myself and my DH are picky eaters.  No one wants to eat stuff they don't like (we do however get him to TRY stuff, but don't continue to force it if he doesn't like it).