Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Is your marriage suffering?

My husband is an outstanding father. I just love watching him with DD.  But our closeness is dwindling.  With splitting up sleep and both being cranky we just aren't "us" anymore.

I am annoyed that he didn't take the opportunity to make V-day plans.  He always does this.  Makes reservations weeks in advance.  And now he says he has nothing planned for Saturday.  I am very dissapointed and I guess sad.  We have yet to have sex and didn't much during the pregnancy.

I fear this is too early to have "issues".

What are you doing to keep things going with your husbands?


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Re: Is your marriage suffering?

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    I think what you're going thru is so normal! I think what has helped us is spending time together as soon as DD is down for the night. Even if it's only for 20 minutes, we make time to just sit and chat or even have sex (that only takes 10, lol.)?

    My relationship with DH comes first and we always make sure that each others needs are met. It's what's best for DD in the long run. If you have that frame of mind it helps a lot!?

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    I'd say give yourselves a break.  The first couple of months are tough on a marriage and it is sort of an unnatural state for you guys (not sleeping, being tired a lot, getting used to being a parent), so I'd hesitate rating your marital happiness right now. 

    Dh and I are just now getting back into a good place again.  A lot has to do with getting a family routine down and being happy in where we are as a family.  Sure, we don't have as much free time anymore, but there's something really bonding about raising ds as a team.  We make sure to hang out after ds is in bed and go out even with ds. 

    I got a book called And Baby Makes Three which looks good.  It talks about ways to preserve intamacy with dh.


    GL to you.

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    we were having some problems the first 3 months after DD was born. I think its a huge adjustment for both. We argued a lot which made me sad b/c I don't want to fight in front of our dd. We had a long talk about 3 weeks ago and everything has been great since. As far as sex he makes comments about how I'm always too tired which isn't true.

    I think this is pretty normal for couples though. You probably just need to have a little talk about some stuff.

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    Yes, we are having problems as well. ?I posted about a week ago saying I wish he'd just get out, and I haven't changed my mind. ?And he won't leave, it's like "War of the Roses" at our house - OK, maybe not that extreme but you get the idea.

    He is a stupid jerkface.?

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    i wouldn't say it's suffering, but we definitely are different! it is hard to get used to not being able to just do whatever "us" things we want. sometimes it seems like whenever we start to talk or whatever the baby cries and needs something. we do a lot of chatting when we first crawl into bed after jack goes down, whether that is 5 minutes or an hour for talking totally depends on jack and our tiredness, but we do try to connect that way. of course, there are days where we barely have time to talk in between DH working and jack being needy but we always kiss goodnight and goodbye when he goes to work...he makes me coffee before he leaves in the morning; i make sure that we have some of his favorite snacks and things around; we take turns choosing what we watch on TiVo...right now it is the little daily acts of kindness that we make time for that really show how much we love each other. we do lament the lack of time for intimacy and sex, but this baby stage will pass and we do our best. 
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    Yes. We fight all the time now and we never used to argue.  He expects me to be superwoman and I can't do it all.  I work 40 hours a week, cook, clean, take care of the baby, the house, the yard all with no help from him.  He goes to work everyday and comes home at night and falls asleep on the couch immediately.  I told him last night that Ifucking wish I could come home and just fall asleep.  He too is a jerkface.
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    DH and i didn't have sex unti 2 and a half months PP. and that time neither of us could climax, it sucked.  we didn't do it again until last friday. pretty bad.  i think most of what you are feeling is normal.  i'm going to buy "A Love Dare" and see how it works for us!
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    i agree with the pps that it is way too soon to label your marriage as "suffering."  I think you are going through what most married couples go through when they have their first baby.  It is a HUGE life adjustment for the two of you!!  Suddenly you both have to focus so much time and energy on a new baby and you are left wondering how to focus a little energy on yourself, much less your spouse.  I now have #2 and although we are used to the "family life," I know DH is just struggling to keep up with his job and still help me out around the house---it makes me feel really guilty.  But.....I would say that a few things might help......try doing a few small things to show him how much you care.  A cute card about how you appreciate him, picking up his favorite takeout, etc.  I would also say that maybe it's time to have a babysitter and go out on a date?  Also, with the sex, I know I wasn't really ready at 3 mos, but there are other things you can do that would help you two to feel more connected.

    Give it a little time.......once you get past the first 3-4 months, things will settle down and you will feel better about feeling connected to him!

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    Our marriage took a hit, but we're on the mend with some hard work and we'll come out stronger on the other end.
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