I'm trying not to be a B*

tiffyr0se

but seriously!  My mom is here this week because she really wanted to spend time with baby.  That's fine, and she's even generally behaving.

The problem is, everything that has been in her house reeks!  She lives in a tin can, she is a hoarder, and she and her boyfriend smoke profusely.  She brings baby stuff, and I wash what I can and throw out the rest.  But she's here so I can't throw stuff out while she's here.  She brought toys, but some are stuffed action toys that can't be washed.  She wants to play with baby with them.  She has bags of stuff that just reek, and her clothes reek.  They're 'clean' its just the smell of everything in her house, so I can't ask her to change before holding baby because there is nothing to change in to.  She keeps talking about baby coming to visit her...I hate to say it, but he won't be going to her house...I can't handle it.  sigh.  I feel bad.  I'm not close with her, but that doesn't mean I don't want my son to be...but I feel like its poison to him. 

 

MrsGMRMartin

I don't think you are being a B at all.  I would concerned also with everything you are saying.

Lucky_Dragonfly

to me smoking = no home visits.

KellyNAaron

Is it the smell of smoke? If so, I wouldn't hesitate to say something... but as for other "smells" of thier house.. .yes, that is rough.

murphyec

I have the same issues with my mother.  I am a horribly person for saying it, but I have been thankful that she is having medical problems that have kept her from visiting.  She keeps talking about coming when she gets better and I am dreading it.  She is talking about a week or two.  I don't think she realizes that I can take zero time off and that DS will be going to daycare during the day cause I don't trust her with him.  Last time my sister visited her with my niece, my mom went into her bedroom to smoke and then promptly called my niece into the room to play.  She thinks opening a window fixes the problem.  UGH!  I feel your pain and wish smokers would realize how disgusting it is.

tiffyr0se

KellyNAaron:

Is it the smell of smoke? If so, I wouldn't hesitate to say something... but as for other "smells" of thier house.. .yes, that is rough.

I think smoke is the main smell.  But it's bowling alley bar quality stale smoke.  But I know there is mold in her house, and just trash.  The dogs poop in the house (sometimes on pads) because she doesn't like to take them outside plus other filth that comes with being a hoarder.  I've tried to help her clean up multiple times, but she has come to tears over me throwing away old mail and a lighter (bad bad hoarding).  She loves to buy him stuffed animals, but some of them (like the beanie babies) can't be washed.  I feel bad, but I'm not letting him put those up to his face or in his mouth. 

While she's here, I'm making her wash her hands and wear a jacket that she takes off after smoking outside...but it's just not enough...the smell is ingrained in everything.  it makes me sad.

krismtg

Honestly I would just tell her the truth and maybe your sister can back you up. Also maybe it would get her to get help with her hoarding, because it can be a destructive behavior.

tiffyr0se

krismtg:

Honestly I would just tell her the truth and maybe your sister can back you up. Also maybe it would get her to get help with her hoarding, because it can be a destructive behavior.

Only child, and really no other family.  Grandparents raise me, and passed away while I was in high school.  So really, I'm screwed.  I think she knows Ds won't be staying with her...she is still hopeful, but I think she does know.  She just doesn't understand how bad her stuff reeks, she can't smell it anymore.  I am trying to wash whatever I can while she naps.