Babies: 0 - 3 Months

DH and I got into huge fight last night.

For the first time in our marriage he slept on the couch. The worst part is I couldn't honestly tell you exactly what started it. We both said things we didn't mean. I'm pretty sure it is because we are both really stressed out due to some problems my family is going through right now. (My mom and her dead beat husband moving in with us b/c he has cancer and can't work.) Long story there though. DH and I rarely fight, we are always able to talk things out before they get like this. So it really hurts me that we are treating each other like this. He called me 30 min. ago and said we need to go out to dinner tonight and talk, so I'm hoping we make up soon!

Re: DH and I got into huge fight last night.

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    I hope so too.
    One Beautiful Gift Delivered 11/08 One Beautiful Angel 8/10 4 Clomid/Ovidril/IUIs= Negative 2 Gonal F/Ovidril/IUIs= Negative Please Lord, I love this baby already, we are ready when You are.
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    Believe me...I know how you feel. I hope it gets better!  *hugs*
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    I'm so sorry, that sounds awful.

    During one of our premarital counseling seminars, DH and I learned an "arguing technique" that has been really helpful for us. It's an especially good way to deal with arguments that are just escalating out of control to the point where you're saying things you don't mean.

    It's called the "Speaker Listener Technique." Basically, you choose some random object and call it "the floor." It can be a remote control, a rock, a toy, whatever is closest. Whoever has the floor is the "speaker" the other person is the "listener."

    Rules for the Speaker: 

    Speak for yourself, don't mind read!

    Keep statements brief, don't go on and on

    Stop after each statement to let the listener paraphrase what you just said.

    Rules for the Listener:

    Paraphrase what you hear

    Focus on the speakers message, don't rebut.

    Rules for Both:

    The speaker has the floor

    Speaker keeps the floor while the Listener paraphrases

    Share the floor


    You then trade the "floor" back and forth while discussing the issue. It sounds kind of cheesy, but this has really worked for us. It forces you to speak clearly and say exactly what you mean. It also forces the other person to really listen to what you're saying - and the paraphrasing makes sure that they get your message and aren't getting confused. Plus, the slow pace tends to keep things calm.

    Hope that helps a little, sorry if this was long, I just think this is a really great tool!

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    It's good that you guys are going to talk about it.  Fights happen, especially after a baby. 
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    Nothing like a new baby, sleep deprivation, and other family members causing stress to make even the most reasonable couple have a horrible, ugly fight. 

    Sounds like he wants to make up - I'm sure you two will be FINE!  Chin up! 


    "When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame

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    Things like that can be so frustruating but totally 'normal' when you have a new baby and people moving in your house! Hang in there. Hope you get to go to dinner and have a nice talk with your H.

    Lots of luck:)

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